rustle | infinite/exo: there's only one chance to take a picture (2/5)

Contract signing feels much like signing himself up for trouble. Baekhyun isn't in the room when Myungsoo meets up with the SM management to discuss the terms of his employment, but he is waiting for him in the practice room on the eighth floor. Baekhyun's first text this morning was, is it true?? i heard from hyung O__O His second, ARE YOU SERIOUS NOW OuO OuO OuO At that point, Myungsoo couldn't get rid of the image of Baekhyun making that face in real life, the kind of face where he looks at Myungsoo with wide eyes and pursed lips tugging up at the corners in a smile. The kind of stare that expects something – that Myungsoo won't ever be able to say no to whatever Baekhyun asks of him.

yeah. thought it wud b good experience. haha, he replied then. The voice at the back of his mind was screaming, I wonder who's going to make it a good experience? You're too exposed to the lights already, Myungsoo. It can't be the lights. It must be something, someone else.

"Thank you so much for agreeing to do business with us," says one of the SM representatives. Myungsoo bows at him and holds his gaze, making sure to smile. "Our Sunggyu showed your portfolio to us way, way back and we were really impressed! You... You were the one who did the photography for the launch of the Twister Fries here in Korea, right? The one with Shim Changmin as the endorser?"

Myungsoo laughs a little. That was one of the more enjoyable shoots. Everyone was trying to create something out of the curly fries. Howon's contribution was curly fries as hair extensions. Myungsoo's was curly fries as a beard. The client walked in on them doing a declamation of sorts while wearing the curly fries. He'd build on that idea someday and turn it into a real campaign for McDonald's – 'twist reality with the new Twister Fries'.

Shim Changmin was still with SM Entertainment then. That happened around two years before he said he'd pursue his graduate studies in London. Myungsoo doesn't regret asking Changmin to sign his Wild Soul album. Or at least that's what he tells everyone who has berated him for not asking for an autograph.. The CD's still displayed on his CD rack, though, along with Woohyun's singles. He always put the non-Woohyun CDs in front. It made it easier to not play Woohyun's songs on a whim and start photographing everything in black and white again, hoping Woohyun will come rushing to his side to add a splash of color to the photos.

"Ah, yes. That, and all other Twister Fries endorsements. Shim Changmin is a really good endorser," Myungsoo replies. He nods in thought, recalling how their first shoot went. Grind was at eight in the morning because McDonald's wanted to relay the beautiful morning, noon, and night communication in the visuals. Changmin arrived two hours before that, saying he wanted to familiarize himself with the product before endorsing it. He fell in love with the Twister Fries at the first bite. "Very professional. I don't think we've ever encountered anyone like him."

"Oh? You didn't handle Youngwoong Jaejoong's wine endorsement?"

"Ah no, we didn't. We... did handle Park Yoochun's Starbucks commercial, though. It was an award-winning campaign." Award-winning in the sense that they always got free coffee from the client during shoots. It was one of the best two weeks of Myungsoo's life. "Kim Junsu and Jung Yunho's Bambi Kimchi endorsement, as well."

Over his shoulder, he hears Sunggyu chuckling. Shut up, he wants to tell him, but that isn't something you just blurt out when you're in a conference room with some of the biggest names in SM Entertainment. But then he made the mistake of mentioning every SM artist that he's ever worked with, save for one. If Sunggyu were an asshole then he'd probably be cackling at Myungsoo by now, index finger pointed at his face while he says, 'Did you seriously think you'd be able to get away with this?'

"Oh, you haven't worked with Woohyunnie yet? The Genesis endorsement?"

Myungsoo laughs a little. He counts to three, then lets out a low exhale when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. "I think I was assigned to a different project that time. We handle a lot of brands."

"Shame," the SM representative says. Myungsoo almost snorts, but he manages to disguise it in a cough. "Woohyunnie's such a hard-worker. Very professional, as well. Maybe you can work with him sometime, for his comeback next year. He's at the last leg of his military service so it should only be a matter of time until he gets out."

Myungsoo takes a deep breath. He nods and says automatically, "I look forward to it."

What he means is, I look forward to the day when I don't have to hide from him anymore. I look forward to the day when I can face him and be the one to initiate a conversation. It should only be a matter of time–

"Let's go?" Sunggyu asks. He gives Myungsoo's arm a light squeeze, then says, "Baekhyun's waiting."

His phone buzzes in his pocket twice. Baekhyun is waiting in the practice room, maybe looking forward to discussing the concept with him. He has been asking about the teaser concept, after all, ever since Sunggyu mentioned talking with the management on how to do promote Baekhyun's debut single. Baekhyun suggested 'accidentally leaking' the track. Myungsoo nodded in agreement and added, "Leak the dance practice video, as well." Sunggyu looked at them with narrowed eyes but took their suggestion into consideration, anyway. Three days after, Sunggyu told them, "I can't believe the management actually bought the idea. Wow."

Work, Myungsoo tells himself, repeats in his mind again and again until he can hear nothing else but his own voice echoing that word in his head. He's here for work and to improve his portfolio. He's here to earn a living, not kill himself with the sharp edge of his past. So he bows to the management one last time, then turns on his heel to face Sunggyu.

"Come. We can't make the kid wait."

Sunggyu cocks an eyebrow at him but says nothing else. They walk to the elevator in companionable silence, knuckles brushing with each forward step.

ミ☆

Baekhyun's debut single is all about seasons. The first track in the album is a light, easy tune that is sort of reminiscent of autumn. It gets bittersweet towards the end, which is a good transition to the next season. The winter track is a powerful ballad filled with heartache and emotions. The first time Myungsoo heard it, he found himself choking on his own spit and balling his hands into fists. Baekhyun wasn't making painful noises, but somehow the way he sang everything made the song ten times more poignant than it should be. Baekhyun has a habit of curling some of his notes too much, but when strategically placed the curls make the song leave an even greater impact. Straightforward singing can sound a bit boring sometimes, but Baekhyun's voice has a very distinct tone automatically carries emotions with it. Myungsoo can close his eyes, listen to Baekhyun humming, and feel something in his gut even if Baekhyun never intended to tug on his heartstrings.

"I like the spring track best," Sunggyu declares. He scribbles something on the paper he's holding, then reaches for the demo of Baekhyun's single. "The summer one is very SMP, but I think the spring song suits Baekhyun the most. It just... sounds so him."

"Well, it doesn't sound half as chatty as he is," Myungsoo comments. Beside him, Baekhyun groans but only just. He's just finished dancing his summer track and he complained about his limbs 'feeling like death' earlier, whatever that meant. The thin sheet of sweat making his skin glisten isn't lying, though. "But you're right, it does sound so much like him. Problem is, we have to highlight the summer track because he's debuting in summer."

"I can sing the spring track in April, in time for the SM Town concert," Baekhyun suggests. He lets his face fall forward, body curling up as he rests his forehead on his knees. "I thought the management already had everything planned? I mean, they already made me record everything. All that's missing are the teaser and the actual music video. I mean– Come on, don't tell me–"

Baekhyun huffs. Myungsoo looks in his direction and waits – for a continuation, for Baekhyun to spill and share his worries, for Baekhyun to look up and meet him in the eye. He knows how fear and worry look on a twenty-eight-year-old's face. He sees it in the mirror, everyday. It's never a good look on anyone, but somehow he's gotten used to how it paints his features and breathes a bit of color into him. Sometimes, you need fear to fuel you to do the unimaginable, to take a huge leap of faith. He's been using the same thing to drive himself to break free from the chains of his past. And now, here he is, reaching out with his foot to give Baekhyun a gentle nudge.

"Hey," he whispers. "Don't hunch your back like that. You'll end up with sore muscles."

"They're already sore," Baekhyun mumbles. "Won't make a difference."

"It will. Straighten up. Come on–" He kicks Baekhyun in the calf this time, and that jolts Baekhyun out of his tiny ball, makes him snap up straight and meet Myungsoo's gaze. "There. Better."

Better means fatigue no longer written on Baekhyun's face but so evident in the stretch of his body. It means the last few dregs of fear crawling down his legs and unwrapping itself from its hold on his ankles. It means Baekhyun shifting in his seat and facing Myungsoo and Sunggyu as he whispers, "They're not dropping me, right? They can't just drop me without a word." There's a small smile on his lips, just a tiny lift at the corners, but the strain on his cheeks makes his muscles shake.

Myungsoo swallows hard. He looks over his shoulder, searching Sunggyu's gaze. When he doesn't earn a response, he pinches Sunggyu in the stomach. Sunggyu's first response is a yelp; his second, pressing his lips in a thin line then meeting Baekhyun's heavy gaze.

"You think they'll make an effort to have Myungsoo sign a contract if they were dropping you?" Sunggyu begins. He shakes his head, laughing a little. His voice goes throaty somewhere along the way, but then that's what the cold weather does to people. It has nothing to do with uncertainty and unspoken truths. It has nothing to do with the way his eyebrows furrow a little when Baekhyun makes a frowning face at him. "The SM management is all about money, Baek. It doesn't make sense that they'd give you a contract after winning The Voice of Korea then drop you just like that. You have quite a following already. Getting rid of you is like throwing away the entire fanbase and all the money they've invested in you."

"Well, some people do stupid things sometimes," Baekhyun mumbles.

Myungsoo chuckles. "Did you just call your employer stupid? Despite the knowledge that there are hidden cameras in this room?"

Baekhyun widens his eyes and wraps his fingers around Myungsoo's wrist in a tight, tight grip. It doesn't hurt, though, but it does make him lose the feeling in his fingers. "Are you fucking serious?" He turns to Sunggyu, then, and says, "Hyung, you didn't tell me–"

"Relax, kid!" Sunggyu says. He shakes his head and reaches out, ruffling Baekhyun's hair. His chin finds a nice fit on Myungsoo's shoulder. Myungsoo shivers at the contact at first, when he feels Sunggyu's hot breath blowing against his cheek, but soon he leans into the warm press of Sunggyu's chest to his back. This is familiar. There are no security cameras here, only Baekhyun's curious gaze watching them through the slits of his bangs.

"Not a kid," Baekhyun says, pulling away. He locks his arms behind his back and promises, "Okay, I'll nail it this time! Load the spring track!"

Baekhyun sings about winter melting, falling prey to spring's kind and unassuming winds. He's swaying from side to side as he performs his song, a water bottle acting as his microphone. He isn't facing the mirror this time; instead, he's looking at both Sunggyu and Myungsoo, singing to them like he's trying to make them understand what real spring means. Myungsoo can picture it now: light greens in the background, soft wisps of clouds in the sky. Baekhyun taking a stroll in the park, walking a dog that is tamer and not as loud as he is. He'd be in casual blue jeans, a white v-neck top, then a red blazer. There has to be a pop of color there somewhere to match Baekhyun's brightness, to bring out his personality even more. Then he'd have a scarf – maybe one with patterns? stars? – wound around his neck in a loose circle. He can try to ask Baekhyun to not wear a bonnet because his ears turn the most interesting shade of red in the cold. This is it, Myungsoo muses, the perfect spring shot – SM's new talent, Byun Baekhyun, standing out in a sea of people in the park just by being his normal, usual self.

Baekhyun's voice cracks somewhere towards the bridge, just as he transitions to a higher register. Baekhyun's eyes widen for a moment and then he's back, all bright eyes and smiles as he sings the remainder of his song. To the untrained ear, it will sound as if there's a thick lump of laughter caught in Baekhyun's throat, but that's not it. That's fear disguised as chuckles, giggles. That's fear taking the form of a weird smile prying Baekhyun's lips open. It isn't sunshine filtering through the clouds; it's the brunt brightness of studio lights shining upon Baekhyun, washing him out.

Myungsoo nods in support, then, and flashes him a thumbs up. He's saying, just keep going. This is just practice. You can always try to avoid it next time. This isn't the end of the world yet. Baekhyun seems to understand, because when he reaches the high note in the last chorus his voice thins into fine silk, a velvety tone that both exposes the imperfections in his voice but tugs on Myungsoo's heart strings. It feels like there are invisible fingers plucking at them, playing a song inside Myungsoo that he never even thought he knew the chords to. So he hums, swaying from side to side as Baekhyun carries out the last note without a hitch.

Baekhyun finishes with a big smile, bright and blinding. It reaches the corners of his eyes, making them crinkle. It lifts the tension in his cheeks and his shoulders. And it draws their eyes to each other – Baekhyun's wicked, unfocused gaze settling on Myungsoo's scrutinizing one.

"You liked it?" Baekhyun asks, bumping his hip into Myungsoo's side.

Myungsoo looks up at him and cocks an eyebrow. He snaps a photo of this look on Baekhyun's face – the grin stretched across his lips, the glimmer in his eyes. The way the fluorescent light sets him aglow and aflame, burning an image of his greatest performance at the back of Myungsoo's eyelids. He doesn't answer until the smile on Baekhyun's lips falters, until Baekhyun juts out his bottom lip and slowly presses the back of his hand to his lips. Until Baekhyun pinches him in the arm like a reminder, saying, 'Come on, you were the one who urged me to go on. You asshole, you can't just let me down like this–'

"It was okay," Myungsoo singsongs, sticking out his tongue when he finishes. Baekhyun groans at him and slaps him hard on the arm, soft laughter spilling from his lips with every hit.

Myungsoo gives in. He doesn't fight back.

ミ☆

He takes a few test shots of Baekhyun during practice using his phone. It's standard practice in the industry – you'll want to look for your talent's best angle before taking a series of photos of him for mass production. You'll want to familiarize yourself with the different facets of his features that various angles can bring out. And Baekhyun, being a relative newbie in the whole 'showbiz shazam', as he has so lovingly put, doesn't know his angle yet. It's understandable. During Jaejoong's first year in the entertainment industry, his photos in magazine spreads and posters always made him look like some awkward little kid who's just been forced to endorse a product he doesn't even use. It takes time to find a good side of you, to find something good in yourself that you'd be willing to share with other people.

"How about one where I shove my face in the camera?" Baekhyun suggests one time, then leans in until his nose is just inches away from Myungsoo's phone. The tip of his nose is red. His top lip, even more. It takes every inch of control not to pan down and focus on another part of Baekhyun's face, on his lips that are no longer as chapped as before.

"Yeah, that's attractive. Nice googly eyes," Myungsoo mumbles, feigning disinterest, but snaps away, anyway. Baekhyun does this weird, funny thing with his mouth, like he's chewing on something but really isn't. And Myungsoo tells himself to focus, focus, focus, but it's hard. It's difficult when Baekhyun is doing both everything and nothing to draw Myungsoo's eyes – the lens – elsewhere. Myungsoo takes a deep breath, then, and swallows hard. He can't give in. There's work to be done. "Can you scrunch your nose more? There you go. The fans will love this. One million Naver hits in an hour, I can feel it."

"I'll win the mobile popularity award next year, I'm dead sure."

"Or selca of the year." Myungsoo clicks the shutter release at the same time that Baekhyun puffs his cheeks. It is cute. "You have my vote, i promise."

Baekhyun laughs a little and winks at the camera. Myungsoo's throat tightens. "Aww, shucks, I dunno how to deal with fans yet–"

A few feet away, Sunggyu calls out at them, "What the hell are you two doing?"

"Doing test shots!" Baekhyun yells right back. He turns to look at Sunggyu, then scrunches his face in the weirdest possible look ever. Sunggyu widens his eyes in mortification and leans back. Myungsoo takes a photo of that, too – Baekhyun's Halloween face and Sunggyu's reaction to it. Maybe Baekhyun should attempt a Halloween concept as the follow up to the summer single. It will be a hit.

By the second week of the month, mid-December, when the biting cold turns into a normal presence but not any less of an enemy, he already has two albums filled with pictures of Baekhyun taken from different angles. Five low-angle shots of him while he's dancing, sweat making his threadbare shirt stick to his skin. The dip of his back is a nice, gentle slope that leads to the swell of his ass. Baekhyun doesn't even have much of a behind, but the slight twist of his body just accentuates all the right curves. Myungsoo traces the contour of his body with his gaze and–

No. Work, he reminds himself, he's here to work, not to thumb through photos of Baekhyun. He's not here to marvel at a photo of Baekhyun belting out a high note, eyes closed and head thrown back as he sings into a water bottle.

Sweat trickles down the column of Baekhyun's neck, tracing lines on his white shirt. It rides up a little, revealing an expanse of flesh and a light trail of hair. Myungsoo seethes and closes the album, navigating to the Halloween folder, instead.

"Hey– Myungsoo!" Baekhyun waves in his direction now, flailing his arms in the air. His lips are pressed together in a thin line again and his cheeks are flushed. Dancing always leaves him glowing a nice shade of pink. Singing gives him a peculiar kind of shine, a light that washes out everything around him but himself. He moves closer to where Myungsoo is, then stops when the distance between them thins to a few feet. "What's my best singing face? Is it when I tilt my head to the side?" he then asks. He sucks in his bottom lip. "Or when I tilt my head back just a little–

Baekhyun does that pose, the same one that Myungsoo had seen earlier in the photograph. He closes his eyes as he lets out a thin, high note. He puts a good distance between his lips and the bottom of the bottle. A product of habit or good training, Myungsoo can't tell. Either way, it makes Baekhyun look good, exposes the veins on his neck when he stars singing a high 'ha'. His entire face is scrunched in a mix of passion and pain, in a look that would otherwise look strange, but it works. He makes it work. Baekhyun's communicating his message well in this pose, like he truly means whatever the 'ha' is supposed to be telling his audience.

It looks better in real life than it does on paper. It feels different. Myungsoo feels a shiver crawl down his spine, his arms, grip his throat tight.

Baekhyun pops an eye open. His lips are tugged up a little, just a subtle quirk of the mouth. "So?"

"That's–" Beautiful, Myungsoo wants to say. He doesn't. Instead, he says, "That's it. That's the pose."

"Cool!" Baekhyun says, clapping his hands then throwing his arms overhead. He still isn't smiling that bright smile of his, but he isn't back to the good ol' Baekhyun either. There's still the SM-patented look on his face, like he forgot to slip out of his idol costume long after promotions were over. "That's for the autumn track, by the way. For when I sing it, I mean. Can't let my guard down and not look good on cam…" He locks his arms in front of him, then asks, "We're shooting the autumn photos tomorrow, right?"

The autumn shoot. Work. Right. "Yeah, we are," Myungsoo answers. Baekhyun grunts in response and turns on his heel, walking back to the center of the room. He takes slow, measured steps, and Myungsoo follows him with his gaze until Baekhyun's facing front again. He looks back down at his phone, then, goes through the Halloween album. He spots a photo of Baekhyun in his most uncharacteristic depiction of a ghost – eyebrows meeting at the middle, eyes turning into slits, and lips parted, the beginnings of laughter bubbling on his bottom lip.

He takes a deep breath, gulps hard. He risks one last glance at the photo before closing the album, navigating to his messages, instead. He pulls up his long abandoned thread with Howon and types, need coffee 2nyt. my treat. see u. When he finishes, the pads of his fingers are cold and numb. He can feel his pulse on the base of his throat, drumming a beat on his skin.

was waiting for u to say that hehe, Howon replies. Another beep, and Myungsoo rolls his eyes upon reading the message. excited ;)

ミ☆

He arrives at Insadong at eight in the evening, flecks of snow catching on his bangs and the tip of his nose. He was supposed to meet Howon in Gangnam, but the city has been as good as home these past few weeks that he's been frequenting the SM building. He managed to convince Howon to change locations, arguing that he needs a change in environment. "I need something new. Refreshing," he'd said. Howon only let out a long sigh and gave in not more than a minute after. The request is warranted. In less than twenty-four hours, he'll be stuck in the Gangnam area for shoots and post-production for the next few months, barring those times when they'll hold location shoots. In less than twenty-four hours, he'll officially be a slave to SM Entertainment's new project, a man in his late twenties debuting eight months from now. He'll be spending every waking moment thinking of how to best bring out Baekhyun's personality through photos, how to make him look good. He'll be thinking of Baekhyun's silly, boyish smile day and night.

He snorts. He's not sure if that's a good thing. Maybe it's both good and bad – good for his pocket, bad for his sanity. Good because he'll be able to beef up his portfolio, but bad because he wants to slow down and just take time to enjoy things. Being in an ongoing production means being on your toes, being prepared for whatever might come your way. And after five years of feeling like he's always at the brink of going insane, he's not sure if he wants to experience it again.

"I'm really glad you're the one doing the photoshoot. That you're my photographer, I mean," he remembers Baekhyun telling him. It was during one of those fifteen-minute breaks that Sunggyu gave him after a long and tiring morning session. Baekhyun's voice sounded rougher, more strained that time, like he was just forcing himself to speak because the silence had already become overwhelming. His lips were chapped, almost bleeding. His eyes were smiling, though; that was enough to lighten up the rest of his features. "Because you know how to bring out the best in me. And you're not afraid to call me out of my bullshit. That's really important," Baekhyun continued. "I think it's important to have people who aren't afraid to shoot down your best ideas. It means they know you can do a better job. That they think – no, trust that you can still improve."

"Big words," Myungsoo said then. He nudged Baekhyun in his side and added, "It's also important to have fun, though, in everything that you do. It makes learning from experience easier and more enjoyable."

"You make idol life sound like playtime."

"Isn't it supposed to be?" Myungsoo asked. "You're pursuing something you're passionate about. The minimum requirement is to have fun with it. That's the bare minimum."

"Well, aren't you early," a familiar voice says, and that's what jerks Myungsoo back to reality. He looks up from his phone and turns his head in the direction of the voice. Howon's standing just a few inches away, bundled in too many layers of clothing that his scarf almost covers his mouth. Myungsoo can make out the small smile tugging up at the corners of his lips, though, reaching the corners of his eyes. The lighting here is good enough for him to not have to squint to see things clearly. "You said 8 p.m.. It's only 7:50. I thought Sunggyu's an evil manager who doesn't let people rest?"

Myungsoo rolls his eyes and lands a jab to Howon's arm in greeting. "And I missed you, too, bud," he whispers, then wraps his arms around Howon in a hug. Howon laughs a little, against his neck, but he leans into the touch anyway. For someone who isn't as receptive to touch as he is to freshly brewed coffee, it sure doesn't take him long to thaw out and become warm again in Myungsoo's embrace. If the same scenario happened five years ago, back in Red Balloon where it was easy to get attached to someone you spend forty-eight tireless hours with, Howon probably would've pulled away five seconds into the hug. "And hyung's not as bad as you think. He let me off before 7:30."

"I'm calling it a miracle. A Christmas miracle," Howon mumbles. He pinches Myungsoo in his stomach, but keeps his fingers splayed there. Myungsoo remembers this from that time he almost passed out during the last offline edit for their Twister Fries commercial. Howon kept his palm on Myungsoo's stomach and said, 'He's just hungry. He's not dead. Someone get us fries! Anyone–' "How long have you been waiting?"

"Not too long. Five, seven minutes?" Myungsoo replies. He takes a deep breath and blows at the fleck of snow that has caught on the tip of his nose. Howon laughs a little then pinches him again. This time, Myungsoo pulls away with an easy smile and lets his arms fall to his sides. "I'm wearing four layers. I'm warm."

Howon cocks an eyebrow at him for a while, then he's ushering Myungsoo inside. "Yeah, because your heart's a colder place. Of course."

"You're my favorite friend."

Howon shakes his head, slow and deliberate. "I'm buying soju but only that. You better keep your promise!"

Myungsoo gives him a thumbs up from over his shoulder and walks ahead, slipping inside the restaurant and waiting for his limbs to thaw out. Once they get settled, he gets them three orders of pork and some sundubu jjigae. They share a bowl of rice and ask for 'extra tofu' in the stew. When the waitress gives them a funny look, they meet each other's gaze and try really hard not to laugh.

An hour after, they've already emptied out their first bottle of soju and the Hite Howon got as their chaser. "You know, I've been thinking, when I was on the way here–" Howon hiccups now, then pops some kimchi in his mouth. Myungsoo isn't sure how that's supposed to help, but he doesn't question Howon anyway. Instead, he pushes a glass in Howon's direction until the cool surface makes contact with Howon's knuckles. Howon shivers a little, voice shaking. "Jesus, that's–" He sniffles, then shakes his head. "Anyway, I was thinking, since, you're spending the next few months in prison–"

His contract with SM Entertainment hardly warrants the label 'prison'. Sure, photoshoots stretch to twelve grueling hours sometimes, but that doesn't happen on a daily basis. They're given enough time for improving the photos in post-production, and the shoots are spread out across months. They aren't doing three or four in just one week; now that's torture. That might as well feel like being trapped in a tiny box with the walls closing in on you.

Besides, Sunggyu and Baekhyun are there to make work more bearable. He might even get to work with a couple more people who he can learn from. He's twenty-eight, soaked and saturated in advertising knowledge. Maybe he missed out on a lot of wonderful things in the five years that he sold his soul to the media overlords.

"'Prison' is too strong a word. I'd call it a contract, that's more like it," Myungsoo comments, laughing a little. Howon rolls his eyes at him, then takes a long sip of his water. Myungsoo raises his hand, then, and orders for another bottle of Chamisul. "Well, the hours are longer than the usual but what would you expect? They want quarterly teasers. We only have three months for one whole prod cycle and we're running late for autumn because it's already winter."

"As I said, 'prison,'" Howon says through a grin. Myungsoo frowns at him in response and doesn't pour him a shot of soju. "Anyway, as I was saying, since you won't get much free time because you're tied to that Baekhyun kid of yours and you're pretty much convinced to do the spring exhibit with me..." His voice trails off, and he begins stroking his chin. This is his 'I have a really great idea so will you please hear me out' face. Alternatively, his 'I might be up to no good' face. Right now, it's a balance of the two. "What if you use him as your subject? Your talent? It's like shooting two birds with one stone – you're earning a living and having fun–"

"And he's an SM talent," Myungsoo interrupts. He shakes his head. Maybe in another world it would be easy to get Baekhyun as his model, but idols and idols-to-be are bound to their employers by a contract. And in that contract is some convoluted communication that each and every part of that idol's body is property of the company. Who knows, someone in SM might be able to recognize Baekhyun just by the slope of his neck or the tips of his bangs. Myungsoo can do that. He can identify people by the tuft of their hair or the tips of their fingers. The tilt of their head, their silhouette. He knows just by the twist of the body if it's Baekhyun or Sunggyu or one of those members of security that Baekhyun is good friends with. And if he can do that, then it isn't far off that someone in SM might have developed the same skill.

"Okay, fine. You can use him for some of your shots. Then Sunggyu for the remaining five or three." Howon shrugs. "It was worth a shot. Besides, I saw your lock screen." He purses his lips and juts them out in the direction of Myungsoo's phone. "Nice light play. You sorta have a chiaroscuro thing going on. The last time I saw you pull that off was–"

Way, way back, when he'd shown the portfolio he presented to Red Balloon's management to Howon. He had a picture of Woohyun there during Art and Design Week. Woohyun was on stage, eyes shut tight and face contorted in every meaning of the song he was belting out. His head was thrown back just a little and the sun was up high. The light almost washed him out. A fourth of him looked as if it was being blown away by the wind, dissipating into specks of light. The rest of him was clothed in different shades of gray. And Woohyun looked, felt like a living, breathing song in that picture. The photograph felt so alive.

Myungsoo shivers. He tries to swallow, to ease the tightness in his throat, but there's something lodged in the middle, keeping him from breathing properly. Then it drops to the pit of his stomach, lolls back and forth until is explodes. And then Myungsoo's chest is heaving and his fingers are turning cold. He can feel it crawling up his arms, wrapping around his neck and gripping it tight. And his knuckles have turned white.

He looks up and finds Howon looking at him, eyebrows furrowed and head cocked to the side. "I've... forgotten," Howon continues, "when I last saw that."

Myungsoo snorts. "I thought you had immaculate memory," he challenges, but leans back in his seat soon after. Under the table, the tips of their shoes bump. It brings back the feeling in Myungsoo's toes a little. He feels a bit warm again. "But yeah. SM might sue me for using Baekhyun's face without their consent. And then I'll lose and I have to return everything they've paid me. Not worth it."

Howon chuckles. "Not if you spend all the money or donate them to charity," he says, finishing with a wink.

Myungsoo shakes his head. "You're my favorite for a reason," he mutters, then pours Howon a shot.

Howon holds his gaze, eyes focused despite all the alcohol they've had. His eyes are red and his cheeks are flushed and he's yawning, but his gaze doesn't wane. His lips aren't quivering. It's an all-out staring contest. There's an apology somewhere there, in the subtle tilt of his head or in the way one – only one – corner of his mouth tugs up in the most subtle of smiles. So he takes it, acknowledges Howon with a nod. He raises his glass, then, and bumps it against Howon's, just a tiny 'clink' of glass against glass that rings in his ears and makes him see clearer.

There's a budding pimple on Howon's cheek, some two inches from his eyes. There's a cut on his lip, possibly from the biting cold. And he's raising his glass in Myungsoo's direction, moving closer until his hand is just an inch away from Myungsoo's. They clash their glasses in the air this time, meeting halfway – for long life, better days ahead of them, more money and a better career, Myungsoo doesn't know. All he's certain of at the moment is that there's still food on the table that they have to finish and that it's thirty minutes until closing time. And that he has an 8 a.m. call time tomorrow, that he has to travel too many miles to reach Gangnam at an early hour.

"So, to spending SM's money before they sue you?" Howon asks, chuckling. Myungsoo rolls his eyes.

"To spending every single cent until I'm broke as fuck," Myungsoo answers.

Howon's lips pull into a shit-eating grin that reaches his eyes. They take their shots at the same time, upon Howon's request, and when they both end up seething they cackle at each other. Soon, they erupt into a peal of laughter, the kind that sends a funny shiver down Myungsoo's spine and wraps itself around his knees. He can feel his pulse, heavy and fast, on his palms, the back of his ears, the base of his throat as it mixes with laughter. Maybe he'll regret this in the morning or as soon as he gets home, when his body reminds him that he's nearing thirty and not the same old twenty-year-old that he once was. When the nagging voice at the back of his head begins to scream at him that, 'You never learn, Myungsoo. You never learn–' But to hell with that. It's been so long since he's last felt alive. So he pushes that voice to the very back of his mind and replaces it with the harmony of their laughter. He replays it in his mind, again and again until his own voice rings in his ears. Until he can no longer hear the thrumming in his chest and the way Howon hiccups between heavy breaths.

... until Baekhyun's spring track starts playing at the back of his mind, making him hum along to the familiar tune.

ミ☆

Myungsoo wakes up with a tiny jerk of the body and something blaring in his ears. It takes a while to process – his bedside lamp still open, it's still dark outside but he can make out the snow clinging to the glass of his window. There's a morning show playing on TV and they're talking about the better snow situation in Seoul today. It's one of those morning talk shows-slash-news programs on KBS that Myungsoo rarely sees even when he was still with the production house. He spent most of his 4, 5 a.m.'s either in the office, still working on whatever was due before lunch, or buried in his comforters and pillows in bed, after all.

He blinks several times and open his eyes, really opens them, to take it his surroundings better. How the hell did he end up in his bedroom when he has a vague recollection of getting home? He can't even remember if they paid the right amount at the restaurant, but if they let them leave then maybe–

He feels around for his phone, slipping his hand beneath the pillow he's resting his head on. The battery's at 35%. If he keeps it on wi-fi and doesn't answer messages until he gets rid of the stink of alcohol then he'll be able to leave with his phone at full batt. He scrolls through his notifications, nonetheless, and sends a text to Howon. still alive sry 4 passing out last nyt and tnx for the drinks. til next, it says. Maybe he should've said, 'til the next time we decide to not act like teenagers and realize we can't drink that much in our twenty-eight-year-old bodies anymore.

oh great ur awake :D nah it's fine passed out when i got home 2. and woke up at 4 because I'M OLD AND CAN'T SLEEP MORE THAN 3 HRS

Myungsoo rolls his eyes. He regrets it soon after, though, when he feels his temples throb and something pound at the back of his head. wish i cud sleep more but work huhu, he replies, then rummages through his things for his charger. He plugs his phone, then, and leaves it on his bed.

His ringtone greets him when he emerges from the showers fifteen minutes after, no longer reeking of the scent of last night's silliness. Jaejoong's song resonates in the four corners of his room. It's from his first album – Maze – coincidentally Sunggyu's favorite of Jaejoong's and one of the songs that Woohyun– No, a voice at the back of Myungsoo's mind says. It's loud enough to knock him back to reality, to this moment where's he's still toeing between sleep and soberness.

The ringtone's too loud even for himself at this early hour, so he dives into his bed as soon as his legs adjust to the new temperature. The push and pull of hot and cold feels nice, though, sort of like all the forces of destiny are forcing him to wake up, but the warm caress of the comforters make it so difficult to wake up. It's as if they're telling him to give up and give in. It's okay to sleep some more, Myungsoo. It's not even six yet; you can still get some rest–

The opening notes for Maze ring in his ears again, bouncing off the walls of his room. It sounds too shrill this time, and suddenly he's reminded that 1) he has to get up, like really get up, and 2) there's someone on the phone. "Fuck," he groans, then unlocks his phone. Baekhyun's name is flashing on his screen in big letters. They look as if they'll jump out at him and stab him in the eye if he ever thinks of falling asleep. "Fine," he mumbles, then drags the green button to the right. There's nothing but static for the next few seconds until it dies down to white noise. "Hello?" Myungsoo tries, but still no response. He's about to put down the phone when he hears a soft 'oh' from the other end of the line.

"Oh hey, you're awake." Light humming, then, "Good morning."

Myungsoo takes a sharp breath. Baekhyun's voice still sounds scratchy, thick with lethargy and sleep, but Myungsoo can hear the lilt somewhere towards the end. Like Baekhyun has just roused from his slumber and the first thing he thought of doing was to grab his phone to dial Myungsoo's number. Probably not the case but Myungsoo entertains the thought, anyway, allows it to tug at the waistband of his pants and keep him from slumping against his pillows. He sits at the edge of his bed and wiggles his toes against the carpet. "Good morning. You're up."

"Yeah, I am."

Myungsoo gulps hard. He can feel his fingers getting cold. It's just his body telling him to put something on, that the heater in the room can only do so much to ease himself into the temperature. Winter's still rapping on his window, frolicking on the streets and leaving flecks of snow on the ground. "You should be hopping on the van... I guess. You're getting picked up first, right?"

"Hmm?" Baekhyun says in reply, and then there's silence again. It's as if he's drifting back to sleep every ten seconds. It's two parts cute, three parts unsettling and unnerving. It makes Myungsoo's toes curl against the carpet, ticking his skin. "Oh, right. I got– I just got on. we'll be at your place in fifteen minutes. Sunggyu-hyung said he'll be going straight to SM from his house so we'll get to our location earlier than expected. So–"

So they don't have to pass by Yeouido before heading to Gangnam. They don't have to take a zigzagging path across the river and take the same conversation path where they talk about everything but today's shoot. So it will just be the two of them in the van today, at this early hour, when Myungsoo knows that his sense of logic is as good as gone. Mornings make him more pliant, yielding, relenting. Mornings just make him want to curl up in bed with someone or rest his head on someone's shoulder. For warmth, he'd always argue whenever Sunggyu looked at him for silly for tugging him closer. For comfort, one last hurrah before getting started on what has to be done, he remembers telling Woohyun before one of their last photoshoots. That was five years and too many memories ago, too many lost opportunities.

There's no good excuse to do whatever his body commands him to do now, with only minutes separating him from Baekhyun and, later, nothing but a couple of inches. There's no good reason why he shouldn't lean on Baekhyun's shoulder to catch a few more z's before he starts slaving his ass off, as well.

You need coffee, he tells himself. He needs food and a good wake-up slap. He needs air. He breathes in noisily through his nose and catches the last bit of Baekhyun's statement when he exhales. "–said they'll probably arrive late so maybe we can grab coffee somewhere? Or... breakfast. Not sure if there's catering in the morning but I'm famished."

Myungsoo is, too – for warmth, for a second chance at life. He gulps down hard. "Oh. Breakfast?"

"Or just coffee," Baekhyun replies at once. "I'm just... sorta impatient. Sort of. Because catering won't be around only until thirty minutes before grind."

Myungsoo shrugs. It feels like lifting weights off his shoulders. "Well, I don't mind either. I'm cool," he says after a while. He checks the clock. It's almost half past six in the morning. The van should be here in a few minutes. He should get ready, but Baekhyun hasn't stopped breathing into the receiver yet. And the crackling noise doesn't sound as off-putting as it should. Still, they're supposed to be running on a schedule so he puts on his pants, pulling them up until he can feel the cuffs clinging to his ankles. "I'll see you in a while?"

"Y–Yeah," Baekhyun replies. His voice trails off but doesn't fade out into silence just yet, like he wants to say something except he hasn't thought of the right words for it at the moment. So Myungsoo swallows hard around the thick lump in his throat, waiting for Baekhyun's next move. He slips on one sleeve of his polo, then the other, all while balancing his phone between his cheek and his shoulder. It's a challenge. Waiting for Baekhyun to say something is an even more difficult test.

"I'll see you," Baekhyun says again. A loud gulp, then, "In ten minutes, I think. No traffic at all. We could reach Gangnam before seven."

He could mean, you have ten minutes to get used to this or we only have ten minutes left to stay like this. After that, it's showtime, time to work. Myungsoo can't tell yet. He's barely been awake for an hour; he can't rely on his brain to process things of this complexity at such an early hour. That's asking too much. So instead, he replies, "Hyung would be so happy. Or proud. And we get to tease him about being late."

Baekhyun snorts. It sounds so sudden and unrehearsed, so unbecoming of an idol. But then it isn't eight in the morning yet. Baekhyun hasn't clocked in at work yet. He isn't SM's charity right now; he's just Byun baekhyun, the guy riding the SM shuttle who's just admitted to having very little patience for things that he has to wait for. "Well, he better be," Baekhyun answers, chuckling. He sniffles. "And whatever, I always come in ten minutes before he does. He can't call me out on being late, ever."

"Always?" Myungsoo asks as he buttons up his polo. He stops when he feels loud thumping in his chest, against the cool pads of his fingers. It's almost like a drumbeat rapping against his ribcage. It jolts him awake a little, enough to allow him to balance himself on one foot while putting on a sock in the other. "He isn't the type– I don't know. He's never been late to gatherings before, back when we were in college."

"That's a long time ago, Myungsoo. People change."

He takes a deep breath. His nail catches on the fibers of his sock. It feels like the strings are trying to wrestle his nail from his skin. It sort of feels like being pulled apart only to be put back together and reinvented. Newer, better. Not necessarily happier, but better than before. At least there's the hope of a brighter tomorrow.

"Yeah. People change." Emotions don't. Or they do, but they remain the same, just as strong even years after with little to no contact with the very thing that sparked the sliver of emotion. He cracks his neck and wonders if the sound caught on the receiver. If it's the packet of sound that's making Baekhyun groan right now and not the roadblocks on the street. "I... need to put the phone down. Gotta tie my laces."

Baekhyun chuckles. "You want me to tie you up?"

Too early. Too risky. Myungsoo gulps hard. "Shoelaces."

"Right. I'm gonna–" Scratching sounds on the other end of the line, then, "Catch you in a few. Happy tying!"

Myungsoo shakes his head and keeps his phone tucked between his cheek and shoulder long after Baekhyun has ended the call. He could've stayed on the line until he had to lock his house, close the door behind his back and dash to the elevator where the signal's crappy as fuck. He could've stayed on the line until Baekhyun made the driver sound off the horn thrice, until the feeling of guilt and embarrassment that he might be waking up his neighbors because of this whole picking up thing settled at the pit of his stomach and left him feeling queasy. But that won't let him do his job. He hates having to split his attention between two or more things, pouring his heart and soul into just one and then half-assing the rest. So he lays his phone down on the bed and turns his attention to the knot he's tied, the messy loop of laces that looks nothing like a neat bow.

He shakes his head and tugs at one side, watching the knot come off. Too easy, he thinks, as his phone beeps and Baekhyun's name pops on his screen. It can't be this easy.

ミ☆

Baekhyun makes a stopover at Myungsoo's place before they get back on track in their trip to Gangnam. He asks for permission to pee, saying that he can't hold his bladder for another second, and Myungsoo lets him. It's not as if they're running late – they can leave in ten minutes and still be there five minutes before call time. Sunggyu's still stuck in bed, anyway; Myungsoo gave him a call earlier and the sound of bedsheets rustling gave Sunggyu away.

"Ah, this is good," Baekhyun whispers as he removes the cover of his coffee cup. He takes a sip and seethes when the liquid scalds his tongue. "Okay, definitely not good. I hate it. This is awful."

Myungsoo rolls his eyes but takes a whiff of the scent, nonetheless. It smells a lot like childhood and days spent studying and nothing else during winter. It would be nice if they all went back to being kids and didn't have to worry about paying the rent, the bills, thinking of how to get from one freelance job to the other. It would be ideal, but that's not possible anymore. He uncaps his drink, then, the thick scent of coffee seeping from the narrow opening until Myungsoo removes the cover all the way. They're twenty-eight and they're in a studio. The production crew has begun setting up the lights around them. The redheads aren't on yet, though. The temperature in the room is still a bearable kind of cold and not sweltering hot because of the lights. But they are set to work in a while, and this is one of the last few minutes that he can study Baekhyun's features before he stations himself behind a camera and uses it as a shield against Baekhyun's shy smile.

"Tell it off. It's being rude," Myungsoo comments after a while. He takes a sip of his coffee. When he looks up, he sees Baekhyun staring, eyebrows furrowed in question. "I meant your hot choco. It was being rude when it burned your tongue. How dare it do something like that to SM's budding artist? That asshole."

Baekhyun snorts. "Can't tell whose side you're on."

"I'm on my side. There's a reason why I like coffee over hot chocolate."

"Coffee's too bitter. I added a shot of espresso to my drink."

Huh. What a coincidence. "Then that's a fake chocolate drink. Make up your mind, kid."

Baekhyun cocks an eyebrow at him, leaning in for the briefest of moments before pulling away with his cup of hot chocolate in his hands. His lips are parted as if he's poised to say something but felt the sting of the burn on his tongue just as soon as he found the right words to say. Then he's blowing a hole at the malt of his drink, mumbling, "Don't call me a kid. We're of the same age. That would make you a kid, as well."

Myungsoo shrugs. He turns the other way, coffee in tow as he stands from his seat. "Then we can be kids together," he whispers, finishing with a wink. He walks over to where the crew's setting up the soft box, then, and gives them a sketch of where he wants each studio light to be. He attaches a honeycomb grid to one of the redheads and tilts the light up just a little so that it's bouncing off the white background but still spilling over just a bit to where the stool is. He walks over to the middle of the set, then, studying how the light spills on his body. Trying to imagine how Baekhyun would look if the light hit him in a certain way, if they don't use a soft box for the first few shots. They can do something more dramatic, something darker for the autumn concept. It suits the vibe of the song more.

He lets out a long exhale, then walks over to where his camera is. He tinkers with the exposure settings of his camera, then fires a shot. The lights go off, a blinding blink accompanied by a loud beeping sound. Myungsoo laughs a little, to himself. It's been far too long since he's last heard the music of studio lights singing with the click of the shutter.

"You need me anywhere?" Baekhyun asks, then, walking closer to the set. His cup's still on the table, along with his cap. His hair is a mess; the stylists will be furious. His cheeks are flushed just a little, a nice shade of pink that breathes life into his otherwise sleepy features. They can start the shoot even if Baekhyun isn't made up yet. The fans will love this idol – sloppy-haired Byun Baekhyun in a plaid polo two sizes bigger than his usual size, pants not tattered but fading out into an interesting shade of icy white. His jacket hangs from his shoulders like they're about to slip off anytime. Baekhyun plops down on the stool even before Myungsoo gets to say 'okay', slumping forward jutting out his bottom lip as he looks straight into the lens. "Is this good?"

Myungsoo cranes his neck, then ducks to look into the viewfinder. "First redhead, I need that closer to him. Forward–" Light slowly crawls up Baekhyun's neck, all the way up until it lifts the dark circles under Baekhyun's eyes and illuminates the rest of his features. Now this is the morning. This is the perfect 8 a.m. light hitting Baekhyun the right way, turning his dark brown hair two shades lighter. From where Myungsoo is, Baekhyun almost looks as if he's glowing.

Through the viewfinder, with the right cropping and Baekhyun tilting his chin up, Baekhyun looks like a real model. Like he's been practicing for this for so long already, has been training with SM for years and not only months. Like he was made for this – the studio lights, the thick crowd building up around them that's 90% the production crew and 10% other people from SM. There's fame in the slope of his neck when he holds his head up high, looking at the camera with half-lidded eyes. And there's the promise of a bright future in the way his lips tug up just a little, softening the autumn look and turning it into something warmer. Something more Baekhyun. Spring.

Myungsoo presses down on the shutter release and takes a photo of this set up, this moment. He's set lights to be continuous this time, so they don't blink only to return brighter than before and to startle Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn't even budge, only blinks at the camera, the hard angles of his jaw softening all the more when Myungsoo tells the crew to turn on the soft box.

"Perfect," he whispers just loud enough for himself to hear. Baekhyun shifts in his seat, trying a different pose. He has his back propped against his arms. Myungsoo can see the hard angles of Baekhyun's jaw all the more, then three lines of red on his cheek. He adjusts, then, turning the shutter speed one stop faster but making the opening bigger. He needs less details and a nice blur on the cheeks. He doesn't need Baekhyun's imperfections highlighted in this test shoot; he just has to show the stylists what they have to work on hiding. "Absolutely perfect."

Baekhyun snorts then cocks an eyebrow in Myungsoo's direction. "Hey, don't fall in love with my pretty face now," he calls out, voice lilting. The last syllable spills from his lips in a drawl. It sounds more like breathing. "I won't be held accountable for that."

"Yeah, sure," Myungsoo yells right back. He's satisfied with the lighting now, positive that it will bring out Baekhyun's personality more once Baekhyun actually gets into character and in his photoshoot clothes. They still have half an hour to themselves, half an hour until more scrutinizing eyes watch them with interest and follow their every move. So he pulls way from the camera, leaves it on but puts on the lens cap just in case some knocks it down or accidentally damages the glass of the lens. He doesn't go through his test shots but, instead, fishes for his print out of the shot list from his pocket.

He locks his arms behind his back and meets Baekhyun's gaze, saying, "I won't." Baekhyun nods in acknowledgement and chuckles. "I promise."

ミ☆

For someone who's as chatty and seemingly outgoing as Baekhyun, his smile always falls short on the sincerity department when he has studio lights shining down on him.

"Nope. That's not it. Just– Relax your jaw a bit." Myungsoo slips the camera strap on, wearing it around his neck as he unmounts the camera from the tripod. Baekhyun was okay the first few times, but as with all talents his cheeks have begun to shake and his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes anymore. At least there's still a small smile on the corners of his lips, but there's no denying the way Baekhyun's cheek muscles clench when Myungsoo starts counting down from three. It's understandable – out of all the things any talent is asked to do in front of the camera, smiling like you're the most harmless, most lovable person is the most difficult of them all. Bright laughter is easy to fake, as with a moving speech, but a genuine smile is hard to carve out of a template. There's no secret formula to it. You just discover it as you go along, as you carry out your talent or idol duties.

The first few months, Jaejoong looked as if he was half-grimacing and half-wanting to throw up everytime he tried to smile. It was only until he delivered his speech – unrehearsed – on stage after receiving the Newcomer of the Year award that he was able to nail the smile he's long been practicing.

"I said relax your jaw. Stop practicing your smile," Myungsoo says as he inches closer. He slaps Baekhyun's hand away when Baekhyun smiles his cheeks together and pulls them up. "You're going to ruin your make up. You don't want Tiffany to get mad mad. She turns into a hydra and shoots out flames from her nostrils when she does."

A few feet away, Tiffany says, "His make-up's smudge-proof! I made sure it is!"

Baekhyun cocks his head in Tiffany's direction. "What she said," he mumbles, but drops his hands to his sides when Myungsoo hits the back of his hand again. "Okay, I'm stopping. Geez. I'm just trying to get it right, okay? The redheads are making me melt. I just want to get this done and over with."

"Then take a break and drink water. I'll figure something out."

Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows. "The smile depends on the talent, not the photographer."

"But a good photo is a combination of the photographer's skill and the talent not being stubborn as fuck." He raises an eyebrow at Baekhyun, purses his lips. "Drink water. Take a piss. Come back in five minutes a better, less stubborn man. Then we'll pick up from where we've left off."

Baekhyun huffs. He holds Myungsoo's gaze, the tight knot of his eyebrows easing into a gentle curve once the redheads are turned off. Without the right studio lights and magic, he looks less like an idol, more like a trainee who got a bit too enthusiastic with slapping make up on his face until it got too thick and heavy. Like he's trying to cover up something that his eyes will always, always give away. "Fine. I'll... I'll be back. We'll nail this, I promise," he says, then turns on his heel. He looks over his shoulder, though, looking at Myungsoo in the eye. "You want anything? Coffee, tea, juice? Water? Snacks?"

Myungsoo laughs a little. "It's not your job to feed me."

"Yeah, but it's my job to keep you alive throughout this shoot. Who'll shoot my pretty face and body if you collapse due to fatigue?"

Myungsoo rolls his eyes, shivers a little when Baekhyun chuckles. Now that's a better look on Baekhyun. His eyes are soft and his lips are tugged up at the corners just a little. His shoulders are slumped forward but not so much. His hands aren't clenched in a tight fist. If he had the trigger for the shutter release, he'd press it right now, but he dropped the whole photographer act when he stepped away from the camera. Now, he's just Kim Myungsoo, Baekhyun vocal coach from time to time, his friend.

"Nah, I'm good. I don't eat while working. It keeps me focused," he says after a while. He's still full from the heavy breakfast, sort of; he should last a few more hours until the hunger becomes unbearable. "And keeps my hands free of grease. Can't get dirt and oil on my camera."

"Then I'll feed you."

He cocks an eyebrow at Baekhyun. He drops his gaze to Baekhyun's hands, then, tracing the length of Baekhyun's fingers with them. He has nice, slender fingers that Myungsoo won't mind eating off of, but then they've only know each other for what – a couple of weeks? Two months? The first time Sunggyu fed him with his hands was that time when they climbed Seoraksan and Myungsoo couldn't hold utensils properly anymore because of fatigue. He paid Sunggyu in kind when they got down from the mountain, carrying half of Sunggyu's load. He'd already known Sunggyu for at least a year and a half already that time. He could very well drink water from Sunggyu's cupped hands without a second thought.

And then another was when Woohyun cooked pancakes – or at least they were supposed to be pancakes, but they ended up looking like some weird blobs of cooked flour. "The technique is to turn the formless blobs into something– There." Then Woohyun held up the three-dimensional pancake heart between them with one hand and cupped Myungsoo's cheek with the other. "Okay, open up–"

Myungsoo shakes his head now and takes a deep breath. "Just... Just get your damned glass of water and come back as soon as possible," he mutters all in one breath.

"Suit yourself," Baekhyun says, then saunters forward. Myungsoo keeps his eyes on his feet until he hears Baekhyun's steps fade out, drowned by the noise all around them.

Baekhyun returns a few minutes after, both of his hands a tray with glasses of water and a lollipop between his lips. He inches closer, stopping only when the distance between them thins to twelve long inches. He tilts his head in the direction of one glass, then, as if saying, c'mon, take it. I can't drink these alone. But he can. After practice, Baekhyun empties out two bottles of water within three minutes. Two minutes if he's feeling more parched than the usual. So Myungsoo doesn't take it yet until Baekhyun leans in and mumbles something with the lollipop in his mouth. It sounds a lot like, 'mhiff you don't get this wower then I'll haf ta drink it myself.'

Myungsoo takes both glasses. "Put the tray down," he says, then, and hands one glass to Baekhyun once he's tucked the tray under his arm. "I told you, I neither eat nor drink during shoots, even during short breaks. It keeps me focused and my momentum high."

Baekhyun finally pulls the lollipop out, his lips coming off in a dull 'pop'. Myungsoo snatches a peek of Baekhyun's tongue burning the brightest shade of pink. Even his lips, the corners of his mouth are of the same shade. There's no hint of the cracks on his lips or the pale shade it once was. It makes him look more awake and alive, sort of breathes color into him and that even Tiffany's superior make up skills couldn't provide. There's a nice balance of the idol and the Baekhyun look. Maybe they should use the lollipop as props, try to reinvent the autumn concept and make it a return to childhood since Christmas is just around the corner.

"You look really pale, though," Baekhyun says. He takes a deep breath, shoulders rising in tandem with his noisy breathing. Then inches even closer, until the tips of their shoes bump. The collision thaws out Myungsoo's toes a little. They feel as if they've been caged in his shoes for so long already; it's only been two hours since the shoot started. Baekhyun reaches for something from his back pocket then leans in, slipping something in the pocket of Myungsoo's polo. "Or maybe that's just the lighting. The redheads made you look a bit more alive earlier. I dunno how that happened."

Myungsoo leans back just a little and drops his gaze to whatever Baekhyun had slipped in his pocket. The edge of a stick peeks from the tiny opening. So he tugs at it, pulls until he can see the round head of a lollipop. He holds it up between them, using it to coax Baekhyun to pull away. Baekhyun doesn't, though. He's still there, only a few dangerous inches away, that if Myungsoo wanted to know how Lotte's 'strawberries and cream' lollipop tasted then he could just lean in and lick it off of Baekhyun's lips.

Contract, he reminds himself. This isn't part of the contract. His job is to bring out the best in Baekhyun through proper lighting and directing. His job is to somehow find a balance between the concept and the themes in Baekhyun's songs and character he's trying to project. It doesn't involve memorizing the details of Baekhyun's face, the curve of his cheeks, the angles of his jaw and the slope of his neck. He doesn't have to map out Baekhyun's moles from just above his top lip to the dip of his nape. He just has to stick to the job description and do what the contract is asking him to do.

Work, not play. You should know better now, he tells himself. He tries to even out his breathing but Baekhyun hasn't backed off yet, hasn't inched away.

"Coffee flavor," Baekhyun whispers. The corners of his mouth tug up just behind the lollipop. The bright blob of pink is distracting; the movement of Baekhyun's thin lips, even more. "Thought you might... like it since you took your coffee black earlier."

"My coffee is as black as my mind. It's a very dark place," Myungsoo mumbles. Still, he unwraps the lollipop and pops the candy between his lips. If that's what will appease Baekhyun and make him back off, then he'll do it against his wishes. He'll even make a show of licking the candy in front of Baekhyun if that's what it takes for Baekhyun to give him the go signal to breathe again. "And this... lollipop tastes great. Thank you."

Baekhyun grins, but it's gone as soon as Myungsoo blinks. It would've been great if Baekhyun wore it longer than he should, wore it until they were done with the shoot because–

"Baekhyun, I–" Myungsoo furrows his eyebrows and takes a deep breath. "What if you try wearing your big smile for the shoot? Bare your teeth; they're nice and shiny, anyway. Your smile looks more relaxed when you do that. It doesn't look so... commercial."

Baekhyun lifts his eyebrows and his lips fall open into a tiny 'o'. He doesn't look offended, but his cheek muscles are tense again and the glimmer in his eyes that was once there was faded into something darker. A thick shade of black that makes it easier for Myungsoo to see himself in Baekhyun's eyes. "No, that's a bad idea," Baekhyun answers after a while, shaking his head. "I... Really, it's a bad idea. I have fangs and my teeth aren't super white and SM probably won't want fans to think that they're taking care of a wolf boy or something–"

"The fangs are cute. Adds character to your stage persona," Myungsoo retorts. He tilts his head and squints, trying to see what Baekhyun could be worried about. His face doesn't scrunch up in an unattractive manner when he smiles. His eyes don't disappear into slits when he loses himself in a fit of laughter. And he doesn't look half as bad when he's wheezing, trying to knock back the air in his lungs that he lost when he'd let slip laughter from his lips. He looks ten times better than he does in his stage clothes when he's grinning, smiling ear to ear without a care in the world.

"Yeah, it makes me look weird. I'm not doing it." Baekhyun shakes his head. The curve of his lips straightens into a thin line. He can see some of the cracks on Baekhyun's lips now. He'll have to get his make up retouched. Dry lips won't look good on camera. "I'm sorry, Myungsoo, but I know my face best and I know that smiling like that won't look good on me. You think I haven't looked myself in the mirror at least a hundred times just to perfect an idol look?"

"I'm a photographer and I have records of your laughing face on my phone," Myungsoo answers. He slips the lollipop from his lips and licks the corners of his mouth. "And I know you look good smiling while baring your teeth. I don't know what's making you think otherwise."

Baekhyun scoffs. He shakes his head but he doesn't leave yet, does inch away from where he is. Instead, he looks up and meets Myungsoo's gaze. His eyes are a barricaded door. The dark circles under his eyes are showing. His lips are trembling. And his eyebrows are caught between a furrow and a weird twist of confusion that paints his face a different glow.

"I'm not doing it," Baekhyun declares. He takes a deep breath, chest heaving, then turns around. "I'm sorry. I'm getting more water. I'll be back in five."

Myungsoo lets out a soft grunt in acknowledgement and slips the lollipop back between his lips. The image of Baekhyun's stern gaze, the tight corners of his lips burn brightly at the back of his eyelids. It leaves wounds deep enough that when the crew turns on the redheads again, he sees the image flashing right before him everytime he blinks.

And when Baekhyun returns, soft smile and strained cheeks surfacing on his features again, Myungsoo sees the same look reflected in Baekhyun's eyes – mirrored on his own face.

ミ☆

The first session ends at one in the afternoon. Most of the crew has already disappeared to the room next door for lunch but Myungsoo's still on set, still sitting on the stool he used as a makeshift tripod earlier. He goes through the shots he's taken so far, pressing the arrow keys in rapid succession like he's going through an animation of Baekhyun's smile. It was stiff and forced during the first five minutes after the short break, but eventually Baekhyun eased into a more comfortable state. Then he started smiling his usual smile again, the one that would pull up at the corners of his lips before he pressed the back of his palm to them. The one Myungsoo has at least a hundred pictures of, sorted to different folders in his phone.

He stops when he chances upon a picture of Baekhyun just about to laugh. Or at least that's what it looks like, because his eyes are uneven and his cheekbones are up high and his lips look as if they're about to fall open any second. He's caught between losing himself to the grin threatening to pull at the corners of his lips and still trying to look on camera. And Myungsoo catches himself staring at the photo far longer than he should, taking in the sight of the gentle swell of Baekhyun's bottom lip.

There are still hints of the bright pink from the lollipop that the lip balm Tiffany applied in Baekhyun's lips wasn't able to hide. It breathes more life into Baekhyun, separates him from those other idols who are too perfect on cam, pretending too much that they lose a sense of their real selves.

"That's a good take," comes a voice from over his shoulder. It sounds familiar, too familiar, in fact, that it sends a funny shiver down Myungsoo's spine. Myungsoo shifts in his seat a little and looks up, meeting the person's gaze. "He's still looking straight to cam in that one, right? We can use that, I think. Mark that one; I'll find a way for us to have that in the final print. It's too good to be put to waste."

"Thanks," Myungsoo mumbles, laughing a little. He lets his shoulders slump, then leans back against Sunggyu's side. Sunggyu drops a cool hand on his shoulder, then, drumming his fingers on the protruding bone before rubbing circles on Myungsoo's tense muscles with his thumbs. "That means a lot. And that feels good."

What he means is, thank you for your vote of confidence. Your talent was being difficult earlier. He gave me a hard time. But hey, at least everything still worked out in the end. We got good takes, a handful of them. All is good. Still, Myungsoo can't help but wonder what the hissy fit was about. Baekhyun might complain about backaches and sore muscles from time to time, but he's never reacted violently to Myungsoo airing out his opinion. In fact, he's always sought him out, has always asked for his opinion ever since that day Myungsoo gave him a tiny, tiny build on the way he sang his winter ballad. So he should be able to take a build as simple and harmless as baring his teeth when smiling, right?

None of the puzzle pieces fit. They don't even belong to the same puzzle. None of this makes sense.

A wave of silence wraps around them for a while. Myungsoo closes his eyes, his grip on the camera tightening. The lights are fast becoming too blinding. After three and a half hours of shooting and directing, the briefest moment of silence and respite already feels like a leisure. It doesn't feel unsettling, though. It's comfortable enough that he finds himself swaying to some music ringing in his ears. Maybe one of those songs that was playing on the stereo earlier. Baekhyun's autumn track on loop and the less vocals version of it, then a violin version of it.

"Heard the tiny argument earlier," Sunggyu begins, voice so soft he could've been whispering. Slowly, Myungsoo opens his eyes. Sunggyu gives his arm a gentle squeeze. "You won't be able to convince him to give you a big smile. I remember him complaining about coming across this... post by one of his fans saying that he should bare his teeth, flash it at people because a big smile looks better on him. And honestly, it does. But anyway, I asked him why he wasn't so sold on that feedback, and he just said, 'Hyung, shut up. You don't know anything.' He even held up one hand in my face."

Myungsoo furrows his eyebrows. "Really? That... that doesn't sound like something he'd do."

"I know. I mean, I'm pretty sure he hates me 51% of the time, but that was the only time he told me to shut up. He doesn't even raise his voice at me. He's obnoxious, at most, but not rude. He isn't as annoying as he believes he is." Sunggyu scratches the slope of his neck, two fingers moving up and down the expanse of skin. He adds, "It doesn't make sense at all." Sunggyu blows at his bangs, then, but he only succeeds at blowing cool air into his nostrils. Soon, he's shivering a little and blinking in rapid succession, not stopping until his eyes are a bit watery and glimmering under the fluorescent lights.

"Well, at least he gave me a hug the following day and gave me candy as a peace offering," Sunggyu continues. He cracks his knuckles, then says, "He sounded pretty repentant. Or at least I think he did. I've been told I'm too nice to my kids."

Myungsoo snorts. He leans back, resting his head on Sunggyu's hip as he lets out a low exhale. Sunggyu slides his hand up, then, ruffling Myungsoo's hair then massaging his scalp. His fingers are cool to touch, but Sunggyu's movement is slow and gentle, almost like he's holding a tiny puppy in his hands and running his hands through its fur.

Myungsoo lets out a contented purr and hums. "I think they were talking about a different Sunggyu, hyung. That couldn't have been you."

Sunggyu narrows his eyes at him and digs his nails into Myungsoo's scalp response. Still, it doesn't hurt, and neither does it sting. And Sunggyu hasn't walked away yet. He's still there, easing the pressure he's just applied on Myungsoo's scalp and bringing his hand down to massage Myungsoo's temples.

"Remind me why I keep you around?" Sunggyu asks after a while.

Myungsoo laughs a little. "Because I'm your most talented friend."

Sunggyu groans. When he drops his hand to his side, he pulls up the stool nearby and sits beside Myungsoo. They go through the first set of shots, marking the good ones and just scrolling past the ones that aren't as pretty. Myungsoo studies the movement of Baekhyun's muscles in the frames, the way his cheeks tense and relax in every other shot, the way his smile lifts the thin veil of projection keeping people from seeing past the mask he's wearing.

ミ☆

He runs into Baekhyun in the washroom after lunch. He hadn't seen him in the buffet earlier, when he and Sunggyu finally decided to join the crew in the next room. He wasn't at the rooftop, either, where most SM trainees contemplate how they've been spending the past year and then some, slaving their asses off. "I did that once, when rumors about SHINee's disbandment were floating around. I knew I wasn't to blame but I felt like I had a share in the shit that went down, you know what I mean?" Sunggyu even said, and Myungsoo only nodded in response. It's not the schedule that drives idols or the managers insane; it's the pressure that comes with having to be these perfect robots manufactured by their respective companies, the pressure of maintaining an image with the weight of the company's name heavy on their shoulders. The pressure of keeping SM's name clean and pristine, even if they had to bleach themselves just to save the company's face.

Baekhyun hasn't even debuted yet but Myungsoo can already see the strain in Baekhyun's smile when their eyes meet. His cheeks look like stiff mounds of clay that have been left out in the cold for too long. There's still color in them, but not as bright as before. He'll have to get that retouched by Tiffany. And Tiffany won't be happy about it because, 'I told you, Baekhyunnie. Don't do anything funky that can ruin your make-up. Jesus–'

"I'm sorry about the stink. I... I had to take a dump. My stomach was acting up," Baekhyun says as a greeting. He looks away, dropping gaze to the sink to his right. Myungsoo follows the movement of his eyes until he sees Baekhyun's eyes reflected on the mirror. For a moment, he thinks Baekhyun won't notice, but soon Baekhyun's taking in a sharp breath and his eyes are widening. And he's looking at Myungsoo's reflection on the mirror, the tips of their fingers just spaces apart on the counter.

Got you, a voice at the back of Myungsoo's mind says. And he got you, too, the sinking sensation at the pit of his stomach roars in response. It's never a win-win situation with Baekhyun; there's always one aspect in which Myungsoo will inevitably lose.

"Well, I can usually hold it in, I swear." Baekhyun chuckles. It sounds more like nervous laughter, though. It echoes in the bathroom, loud and forceful. Myungsoo shivers a little at the sound. "It's just that today–"

"–is your first real photoshoot. I understand," Myungsoo finishes for him. He keeps his voice low, faint, as if they're sharing secrets and that being heard by someone else would mean their death. It doesn't. It just means Baekhyun losing his carefree image and the look of horror on his face right now being imprinted in everyone's minds. It's not yet the end of his career; it's just the start of a new challenge in his idol life.

But Baekhyun makes no effort to wipe the look off his face. Right now, he looks as if he just wants to run away and hide, curl up in a corner and just get some rest. What remains of his make up spells 'idol' in big, bold letters, but the downward pull on his cheeks is screaming, 'where do I undo the contract and, consequently, undo my life?' And it's unsettling. Myungsoo hasn't taken off the mask of a smile yet, but he can feel his toes curling in without him even meaning to. He can feel his fingers going cold. And he can feel his insides turning, lurching and twisting like he's the one who's spent hours in front of the camera and not Baekhyun.

He shakes the feeling off and takes a deep breath. He clenches his fists, then says, "You did well this morning, by the way. We went through the whole set and got a handful of good takes." He nods, then tilts his head a little so he can see Baekhyun's face better. "Not bad for a first-timer. I'm proud of you."

Baekhyun's eyebrows lift, eyes widening in accord. It loosens the tightness in his cheeks, unlocks his jaw. It helps him breathe better. "Oh?" Baekhyun whispers, then, and the corners of his lips quirk up in response. It's as if it's taking the rest of his body to catch up, eyes still unfocused. He still won't meet Myungsoo's gaze head on, but he hasn't looked away from Myungsoo's reflection on the mirror just yet. "Uh, wow. Thanks. Good job, me?"

Myungsoo chuckles. He reaches out, meaning to ruffle Baekhyun's hair, but remembers that Baekhyun's wearing gel and hairspray and at least two more hair products. So, instead, he rests his hand on Baekhyun's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Baekhyun's body gives a tiny jerk, and then he's looking up and into Myungsoo's eyes. Finally, Myungsoo wants to say, but half of him regrets the eye contact because now he can see the uncertainty in Baekhyun's eyes better. It's like looking into Baekhyun's eyes only to be greeted by a stranger. Like finding anyone, everyone but Baekhyun in them.

Baekhyun blinks. A few more times, then his vision refocuses. The tight corners of his mouth loosen into a cheeky, lazy smile, then the doppelganger is gone. There Baekhyun is again, looking so small in his already tiny frame as he scratches the back of his hand.

"Don't do that," Myungsoo whispers. He swats Baekhyun's hand away, revealing bright red marks on Baekhyun's dry skin. "You're damaging your skin. You have to take care of yourself so you can get back there looking better than ever. Then we can finish the shoot and maybe go home early." Or maybe spend time together elsewhere, alone in a van with nothing but silence to pull them together and keep them apart.

The smile on Baekhyun's falters. He's jutting out his bottom lip and sticking out his tongue and pinching Myungsoo in the stomach. Soon, he's balling his hands into loose fists in Myungsoo's shirt, twisting his fists until he can dig his knuckles into Myungsoo's skin and earn a yowl. "You just want me for my face."

Myungsoo cocks an eyebrow at Baekhyun. He can't say Baekhyun's wrong – it was Baekhyun's face that reeled him in, after all, Baekhyun's face that made him do a double-take and really look at him – but his face isn't the only reason Myungsoo's still here. There's the language of Baekhyun's body that he communicates so well he dances, albeit a bit awkwardly. There's the way he captures people's hearts with his sweet voice like he's trying to get people's attention and making them listen. And there's the mystery behind his smile, the secret written on the back of Baekhyun's right hand that he presses to his lips whenever he feels like he's about to cackle loud and hard. Myungsoo wants to capture these on film, blow up Baekhyun's photos so he can examine each quirk of Baekhyun's body and the way he sings through his limbs.

So if anyone asks where the fascination stems from then, yes, he can always blame Baekhyun's interesting face. Everything starts with a tiny kernel of amusement, after all, lodged somewhere in Myungsoo's insides, keeping his body from functioning properly. Keeping it from making sense.

He blinks a few times, resurfacing, and finds Baekhyun staring at him, head tilted and his gaze dancing on the jut of Myungsoo's upper lip. He laughs a little, trying to restore the feeling in his lips, trying to loosen his throat.

"I guess you got me," he mumbles after a while. He licks the back of his teeth. He can still taste the coffee-flavored lollipop Baekhyun had given him earlier. It's nice and a nice mix of bitter and sweet. It sticks to his tongue longer than it should. He wonders if it would taste the same on Baekhyun's lips. "But I mean it, We need you back on set. The sooner we finish, the sooner you can take off your make up and we can turn off the redheads that annoy you so much."

"They don't annoy me. They–" Wash you out, hide you from the rest of the world without meaning to. Myungsoo doesn't say any of those. Instead, he waits until Baekhyun continues, "–hurt my eyes."

"Well, they annoy me," Myungsoo admits. He's always been a fan of ambient lighting, after all. And Baekhyun looks best when the sun is shining down on him. "Too hot and too harsh–"

"And maybe I overreacted this morning," Baekhyun whispers. He bites the inside of his cheek and makes half a blowfish face. It's almost cute, but then he's also drowning. Myungsoo just sort of... wants to reach out to pull up one corner of Baekhyun's lips– "No, not just maybe. I did. I'm sorry. It's stupid. I should've just done what you asked me to do. You are the photographer, after all. You probably won't make me do something that will make me look ugly in photos. That'll just reflect badly on you. And..." He sucks in his bottom lip this time, dropping his gaze to where he has his hands balled into fists in Myungsoo's shirt. "And it's just a waste of time. That's not something you'd do."

Baekhyun twists his fists in Myungsoo's shirt even more and pulls him closer with a light tug. Or maybe it's just the jerk of Myungsoo's own body when he feels Baekhyun's knuckles digging into his skin. It can be both. He can feel the light shaking of Baekhyun's hands against his skin, can hear the loud thumping behind his ears. He can feel the pulse at the back of his knees. Baekhyun isn't even touching him. And Baekhyun grip isn't too tight, but it's enough to keep Myungsoo in place. Slowly, he unfurls one hand and drops it to Myungsoo's hip as if to assure himself that Myungsoo can't go anywhere even if he tried. It's not as if he plans to escape.

"So yeah. I'm... sorry. For that outburst. I just– I hate it when people force me to do things that I'm not accustomed to. I know I should be more open to suggestions since you guys are pros in your line, but– I know my face. I know my body. And I'd like to think I know myself well enough to say that a big grin won't ever suit me. It just... makes me look–"

Baekhyun's lips are poised to make a 'w' sound, but Myungsoo pays no attention to that. Instead, he continues in his mind, 'it makes me look nice'. Because it's true. He has albums upon albums of proof whose existence Baekhyun can't deny. And even to the untrained eye, even to a casual fan, it would be so obvious that Baekhyun 'looks more Baekhyun' when he looks as if he's about to lose all sense of control and just laugh his ass off.

"Cute," Myungsoo whispers at the same time that Baekhyun mumbles 'weird'. Baekhyun looks up at him with wide eyes, his lips pursed in a weird twist.

"It looks what?" Baekhyun asks. Myungsoo swallows hard. "What did you say?"

"It's okay," Myungsoo answers. Lies, a voice at the back of his mind screams. Stop lying, Kim Myungsoo. You're too old for this. "It doesn't look so bad."

"No, you said something else. Something–" A corner of Baekhyun's lips tugs up. He yanks on Myungsoo's shirt and pulls him even closer. "Something that sounds like–"

Like danger, because Baekhyun is so dangerously close right now. He's close enough that Myungsoo can see his make up caking under his eyes, near his nose. He's close enough that Myungsoo can smell the sick mix of strawberry lollipop and sweat and foundation on Baekhyun's skin. Myungsoo leans back, then, one centimeter for every forward motion of Baekhyun makes, his teeth grinding against each other every time Baekhyun's breath, hot and wet, catches on his skin. It makes him shiver all over, makes his toes curl inside his shoes and makes his chest constrict. He holds his breath, holds it all in where his chest feels the fullest and doesn't move until Baekhyun's lips tug up in a smile. Sunggyu was lying. This isn't Baekhyun being repentant. This is Baekhyun playing a different game that he knows very well he'll win no matter what.

"We have to go back," Myungsoo whispers. He checks his watch – ten minutes 'til the hour. Baekhyun still needs to get his make up retouched. He needs time to gather himself again, to still the racing in his chest. To catch his breath. They can't waste any time. "Just– Just do better when–" He gulps hard. His teeth are chattering. Baekhyun's eyes are still on him, focused, tracing the bridge of his nose and settling on his lips. And Baekhyun's hands are cold. He can feel it through the press of Baekhyun's hand on his hip, can feel it even more when Baekhyun splays the fingers of his other hand on Myungsoo's abdomen. Their pulses are fast, moving in tandem with each other. There's a rhythm to it, so much that they could be singing through the beating of their pulses on each other's skin. They could be singing to each other. Or maybe screaming, what the actual fuck are we doing?

Myungsoo wants to laugh. At least he isn't alone. At least Baekhyun's shaking all over, as well. At least Baekhyun's feeling how unbearable the heat in the room is, pulling away but not quite dropping his hands to his sides yet.

"You're right. We should–" Baekhyun licks his lips, swiping his tongue along the swell of his top lip. Myungsoo swallows hard. "We should go back. We have a shoot. Afternoon session. Work," he says all in one breath. He chokes on the last few syllables. Myungsoo winces at the dissonance.

Work. "Right," Myungsoo replies. He straightens up, running his hand down his front to even out the creases on his polo. It felt different when it was Baekhyun's hand that was pressing down on his skin, when it was Baekhyun's pulse drumming beats on his stomach. "Let's go."

Baekhyun's halfway out the door when he turns around, then wraps his fingers around Myungsoo's wrist. "Thanks. For understanding," he whispers, then leans in just enough to brush his lips against the tip of Myungsoo's nose. Then he leans closer, tilts his head just so until he can lean forward to press his lips to a corner of Myungsoo's mouth. His grip on Myungsoo tightens, and for a moment Myungsoo feels his hand go cold and his knees go weak. And Myungsoo can feel the slow-forming smile on Baekhyun's lips, the wicked grin bubbling on the jut of his mouth, the heat of his skin.

Baekhyun pulls away with a light squeak, the shrill sound of a kiss, then presses his lips together in a tight-lipped smile before saying, "Let's go." He straightens his clothes and tucks his hair behind his ears like diligent trainee that he is, like the idol that SM has molded him to be. "Hey, come on, let's go."

None of it happens for more than a few seconds, but Myungsoo feels as if the world has stopped or slowed down just for the two of them. His limbs feel heavy and sore. His soles ache with a twisted kind of pain that both burns and tickles him. And his stomach is turning, lurching in several different directions that he almost feels he might topple over anytime. Baekhyun keeps him on his feet, though, giving his wrist a lazy tug as if reminding him of where they are, of who they are – Byun Baekhyun, the idol, and Kim Myungsoo, the photographer. Co-workers who might be a bit too close for comfort, too close that Myungsoo can taste a hint of Baekhyun on a corner of his lips when he swipes his tongue along the shape of his mouth.

He saunters forward, allowing Baekhyun drag him out of the bathroom, into the corridor, to their set illuminated by lights and the bright voices of people raring to get started on the afternoon session.

"Okay, let's do this!" comes Baekhyun's loud greeting when they slip inside, walking past the doors. Baekhyun drops their linked hands to his side like an act or an article of clothing he's slipping out of for his next performance. Then he claps his hands in the air and assumes his place at the center of the set, undeterred by the harsh lights of the redheads shining down on him. And Myungsoo counts to three as he collects himself, snatches all the breath Baekhyun had stolen from him, as he clenches and unclenches and clenches his fists again in an effort to restore the feeling in his hands.

When he looks into the viewfinder, he catches a glimpse of Baekhyun's open-mouthed, carefree smile. He isn't looking at the camera, eyes unfocused and disappearing into slits as his laughter grows louder, but they can always find a use for this. So he takes a snap of that moment, takes a moment to breathe and remind himself that, work, work, we're here to work. He's not here to marvel at the shape of Baekhyun's mouth and his lips burn the brightest shade of pink when he worries them too much.

His hands are still shaking on the body of the camera. They're about to start the next series of shots. Baekhyun's bright smile still burns at the back of his eyelids.

He gulps hard and shakes his head. He laughs to himself, at himself. Everything works against him and works to Baekhyun's advantage. It's a lose-lose situation.

ミ☆

The first of four big shoots for Baekhyun's debut comes to a close just before sundown. Five in the afternoon is an early wrap-up time, the earliest Myungsoo has experienced in all the years he's worked in production, but then this project of theirs is nothing like the shoots he does for various brands. Those require him to find a nice balance between aesthetic, ample product exposure, and just plain trying to convince clients that there are things that won't work. This SM project, meanwhile, requires more self-control than anything else.

"Hey, great job," Sunggyu says, raising one hand in the air as he approaches. Myungsoo meets him halfway, taking a few steps forward to slap his hand against Sunggyu's own. Their fingers find a nice fit and Myungsoo would stay there a few more seconds just like old times, but he catches Baekhyun out of the corner of his eyes. Instinctively, he pulls away, dropping his hand to his side. If Sunggyu ever asks, he can always say that his hands are tired, the joints of his fingers ache. Age works to his advantage from time to time. "O–kay. Maybe you should've used your non-clicking hand. How many photos do we have?"

He hadn't been counting, really. He hadn't been paying attention to the camera's built-in counter, either, but he knows for sure that they have enough 'autumn' photos of Baekhyun to last them a year. He can make a mosaic of Baekhyun's photos, if he wanted to, but then that's not part of the requirement. And standard practice tells him not to give more than what the job description expects of him.

"I don't know. 500? 600? Probably more than I've ever taken in the past few months for the exhibit." Myungsoo scratches the base of his nape, then presses down on his tense muscles. It's been a while since he's last felt this kind of ache in his shoulder muscles. Howon calls it 'big-shot camera shoulder ache syndrome'. Myungsoo prefers to call it by its name, plain and simple: repercussions of his hard work. "Your lighting director's really good, by the way. What's his name again? Is he... exclusive to SM?"

Sunggyu chuckles. He fishes for his wallet from inside his coat. Trust Sunggyu to be too paranoid to keep his wallet in his back pocket. He pulls out a card after a while, a couple of characters screaming at Myungsoo in a deep shade of gold. "They're a team, Jongin and Sehun. Everyone in the team's exclusive, save for you, but these two have received special blessing from the higher ups to take on other projects in their spare time so long as they don't work with rival companies."

Myungsoo laughs a little. "They're that good, huh?"

Sunggyu cranes his neck and grins when he sees Jongin and Sehun not too far away. "Nah, they're pretty average. It's just convenient for SM to have people around, at their disposal," he says, voice just loud enough to reach the duo's senses. Jongin acknowledges them with laughter and Sehun cocks an eyebrow at them in question. "They basically grew up here in SM, these two. Trained with the company for a time until one of the managers discovered that they were much more passionate about shooting and producing things."

"That's nice."

"That's a product of hard work, something I'm sure you're pretty familiar with," Sunggyu replies, winking. He locks his arms behind his back and bumps his hip into Myungsoo's. "So, where did you disappear to before we started the second session, huh? You were gone for a while."

He laughs a little, shaking his head lightly. Now that's a good question, he wants to say. He doesn't. Instead, he rubs his thumb on the wheel of the camera, feeling the roughness on the pad of his finger in an effort to collect his thoughts and form something coherent out of them. The answer is simple: he went to the bathroom to pee. The responsible director that he was, he thought of looking for Baekhyun because his talent had been missing almost the entire lunch. Then by some twist of fate, they ran into each other in the bathroom. That's it, that's what took place the whole ten, fifteen minutes that he was gone. But that's not the answer Sunggyu is looking for. Myungsoo knows it, can tell from the way Sunggyu's wiggling his eyebrows and from the sly, upward tug on the corners of his lips. And he can tell just by Sunggyu's humming that Sunggyu's already calling him out on whatever bullshit he'll be coming up with in the next few minutes.

"Somewhere," he tries. He worries his bottom lip. He seethes a little when he bites too hard on it, so he darts out his tongue and swipes it along the sore area. Then, like a habit, he licks the corners of his mouth. He can still taste Baekhyun on his lips, can still feel the burn of that brief, feather-light touch earlier. And he can feel it again, the thrumming in his chest and his pulse pounding at the backs of his knees. It's numbing. It makes him feel more alive.

"As far as I know, there's no place called 'somewhere' here in SM. Come on, kid, try harder."

"Bathroom," Myungsoo confesses. He says nothing more, only turns off his camera and places the lens cap back on. It's always good practice to keep the cap on, keep the lens safe and away from harm. Sunggyu may be a good photographer but he doesn't know how to take care of gadgets, his own or someone else's. "We have van service to take us home tonight, right?"

Sunggyu gives a long look, one eyebrow still raised and his lips quirked up into a knowing smile. He doesn't say anything, just holds Myungsoo's gaze for the longest time like he's trying to say, 'If there's something you want to tell me then say it now. But if you're not feeling confident enough to spill then at least let me tell you that it's okay. I'm the last person who'll judge you. It's okay.' So Myungsoo keeps his lips pressed together in a thin, thin line, keeps one hand on length of the lens and the other on the body of the camera. He grips it tight. "Hyung, van service?"

Sunggyu blinks. He leans back, the arch of his eyebrows softening. Myungsoo lets out a soft exhale. "Mhmm. It leaves in fifteen minutes. You better get your ass there if you want to ride with the crew." He draws his shoulders back, bones cracking, then continues, "But if you decide to stay a little longer then you can have dinner with us." He drawls the last syllable, like it makes a lot of difference. Over Sunggyu's shoulder, Jongin and Sehun peek. Myungsoo raises two thumbs up at them and mouths, 'til next. "You, me, Baekhyun, a couple others."

"A couple others," Myungsoo echoes, doesn't say, 'Does Baekhyun really have to come? Are you giving me a choice? Or is this actually a trap?' "You're not inviting Jongin and Sehun?"

"Do you want me to?"

"You're the organizer, hyung, not me." He takes a deep breath. A trap, of course. What else would he expect from Sunggyu? "I'll just double-check the place and see if I left any of my filters lying around. I'll come find you when I'm done."

"I need to talk to the prod guys. Go accompany Baekhyun. He'll go crazy if he doesn't have anyone to talk to for more than three minutes."

That's not true, Myungsoo wants to say. Baekhyun's rather comfortable with silence; it just doesn't seem like it. The trick, Myungsoo discovered after sharing too many trips home with Baekhyun, was to break the white noise with a thick sheet of humming for the first five minutes. Then it would be easy for Baekhyun to ease into the silence, to stop humming and just sway his body in song, instead. He did that one time, hummed until Baekhyun rested his head on Myungsoo's shoulder, eyes and body finally adjusting to the darkness of the van. There was still the thin veil of engine noise breaking the silence, reminding them that as with all trips, this, too, would end. For the most part, however, there was nothing around them but the sound of their easy breathing. Five minutes after, he felt Baekhyun's body slumping against his own. A few more seconds and Baekhyun giggled, rousing from his quick nap to say, "Whoops. Sorry. I'm just– I'm so sleepy–" Then he shook his head in response, whispering in Baekhyun's ear, "Get some rest. We still have fifteen minutes."

He meant, you still have fifteen minutes to use me as a pillow. Make the most out of it. Baekhyun seemed to get it and started tapping a light rhythm on Myungsoo's thigh, something that felt a lot like one of his songs. One of the more upbeat songs. The spring track, probably, except a sleepy, twelve midnight arrangement of it Then after a while, he felt the whole weight of Baekhyun's body in his side, numbing his arm and keeping him warm. Even with the cool winter air seeping through the narrow gap of the door, he couldn't feel the cold with Baekhyun's body snug against his. Soon, he, too, had drifted off, head rested against Baekhyun's own and his nose buried in Myungsoo's hair.

It was the jerk of the van that roused him from his sleep, Baekhyun snoring fitfully against his neck. When he got back to his feet, preparing to leave, Baekhyun reached out to curl his fingers around Myungsoo's wrist. "So soon?" Baekhyun said then, looking at him with the sleepiest, saddest eyes. His bottom lip was jutted out. His eyelashes looked exceptionally long that time, each flutter making Myungsoo's insides turn. And Baekhyun was beautiful. If Myungsoo could just snap a picture of him that time then he would, but it was dark. Dim lighting wouldn't do Baekhyun justice.

Then Baekhyun slumped forward, resting his forehead on the seat in front of him. "No, stay," he whispered, then yanked on Myungsoo's wrist. Soon, he was drifting off again. Myungsoo took that as his cue to leave and slip out of the van. Baekhyun's grip on his wrist stung for days.

"Heard you needed company," Myungsoo says, nonetheless, once he's done fixing his things. Sunggyu's still deep in conversation, this time on the phone with someone from SM. Maybe one of the higher ups asking for an update on the shoot. He hopes Sunggyu doesn't fuck up and accidentally tell them about the tiny slip ups: getting trigger-happy during the shoot, disappearing from the set for a good ten, fifteen minutes only to resurface a bit dazed and pink in the cheeks. He slips next to Baekhyun, but maintains a good six inches between them. It does very little to keep him from feeling the warmth of Baekhyun's body, from catching the scent of strawberries in Baekhyun's mouth when Baekhyun scoffs. He cocks an eyebrow at Baekhyun and offers a small smile. "Bored?"

Baekhyun shrugs but he turns to his side, anyway. He gives Myungsoo a once-over like he's seeing him for the first time, really seeing him and taking in the details of his face. Baekhyun's eyes are squinted, his eyes focused and his lips pursed, the small smile that was once there turning into something else that Myungsoo can't quite figure out yet. And his whole body is facing Myungsoo, like he's asking Myungsoo to do his fair share of 'reading' as well.

His chest is open and his arms are in his sides, relaxed at the elbows. He could be saying, 'Do I look bored to you?' or 'Yeah, I am bored and looking to have fun. Any ideas?' Myungsoo can't tell yet. He needs more time to study this look because half the time, Baekhyun has his shields up. The other half, Myungsoo's forcing himself to look into the viewfinder and not straight at Baekhyun, forcing himself to do his job.

But reading Baekhyun is part of his job. It's part of the contract, figuring out Baekhyun's worst angles so he can avoid them and shoot him in his best possible look, instead. And his job – immortalizing people through photos – involves 50% speaking the same body language and 50% white space, figuring out what to do to make the common smile look different, to make the glimmer in his eyes shine even more. And the curve of Baekhyun's body right now is saying, 'Come on, Myungsoo, it can't be too hard to figure out. If you want to know the answer then just come closer–'

"You should get some rest," Myungsoo says after a while. He takes a step to the side, away from Baekhyun to put more breathing space between then, but Baekhyun grabs a fistful of Myungsoo's shirt and pulls him closer. Give it a rest, Myungsoo tells himself. Baekhyun's tired and drained and sometimes people do things without thinking. You're guilty of that sometimes, too. Don't be a hypocrite, Myungsoo. "You really did well today. Good job. You... must be tired."

"Are you?" Baekhyun asks. He kicks on the ground and winces a little when he jams his toes into the floor a bit too much. "Tired, I mean. Maybe you should catch the van with the prod team. That way, you can sleep during the trip. Get a power nap or something–"

"I'm going to dinner with you," Myungsoo blurts out. Baekhyun's eyes widen for a minute then it's gone, replaced instead by a more neutral look betrayed only by the way Baekhyun's eyes curl up at the corners. Myungsoo files this look at the back of his mind, along with the other 'Baekhyun looks' that he needs for future shoots. He's yet to discover Baekhyun's best possible angle, he's positive. There's something new to discover about Baekhyun, after all, something that could've been washed out by the studio lights before that he can see better in ambient lighting. Or in the dim lighting in the bathroom, where the shadows dancing on the curves of Baekhyun's cheeks show Myungsoo something he's never seen before.

He takes a deep breath. Baekhyun's still blinking up at him. There's still a hint of eyeliner on his eyelids, a soft puff of pink on his cheeks. Baekhyun's lips are still chapped. He makes a mental note to call him out on it later. "Dinner, huh?" Baekhyun whispers, voice rough. It cracks somewhere in the middle. He sounds as if he ran five, ten miles without stopping for a water break, or like he's been practicing his routine and singing his heart out for eight hours without resting. "Dinner with me. Okay."

"Sunggyu-hyung said," Myungsoo begins, then worries his bottom lip a little. "You two are having dinner. He invited me earlier, promised to foot the bill." He tries to smile, his mouth already curling at the corners, but his lips still feel sore. Baekhyun hadn't even touched them. "It's not everyday he volunteers to pay for things so–"

"So you're going. Because of hyung's offer. Of course." Baekhyun drawls the sounds of the last sentence, rolls his eyes as he does so. His voice is lower now, his syllables too close to each other that it almost sounds as if he's murmuring. Myungsoo catches his words, nonetheless, keeps his eyes on Baekhyun even if it's becoming increasingly hard to stare at the sun for too long. He almost sounds disappointed, but then maybe he's just worried Myungsoo might eat his share of the meal. Myungsoo won't. He's never snatched food from someone else's plate even if it's Howon's or Sunggyu's. Or even Woohyun's, for that matter. He's not the type of person who'd get something without asking for permission first. "Yeah, free meals are always–" Baekhyun sniffles. "Free meals are nice."

"Alcohol, too."

Baekhyun laughs a little. His lips are still pressed together in a thin, thin line. His cheeks have turned from being pink to a pale flesh. It doesn't make him any less attractive, though. If anything, it makes him look more Baekhyun, less of the idol Myungsoo spent time taking photographs of back in the set. "They don't serve Hallasan in most restos, just sayin'. You might go looking for your precious soju and only end up getting disappointed because they only serve Chamisul and Jinro there."

"Chamisul's okay. Jinro tastes like cough syrup."

"Ah, that means you're not drinking it right." Baekhyun shakes his head, but with the exaggerated movements it looks as Baekhyun's trying to wipe off the dust in the air. "It should taste sliiiightly like vodka if you chill it for a few hours." He pinches at the air, slowly drawing his index finger and thumb together until they touch. He squints his eyes, too – maybe this one's for the 'a few hours' part. Either way, Baekhyun is good at communicating with his body. It's just dancing that he has problems with. "And nope, don't even try to drink it on the rocks. You're not supposed to drink it that way."

Myungsoo chuckles. "You sound like a professional drinker."

Baekhyun shrugs. His lips are slowly tugging up at the corners, though, and the lines of tension on his back are easing into something more relaxed, more... familiar. Sort of like how Baekhyun is when he slumps against the seats in the van and curls up until he falls asleep. "Eh. I do this and that. I used to do magic on the side. The kids love it."

Baekhyun would be good with kids; he's exactly like one. More mature and hardened by experience, though, but there's still the magic word for 'life' dancing on his tongue when he sings. There's still the thirst to prove himself and to improve in the way he always clenches his fists after a good routine, in the way he picks his own performance apart so that he can reconstruct it, do better. Come out the best idol that he can be.

Myungsoo's toes curl at the thought – Baekhyun running around in the park, playing with children and performing magic for them. That would be perfect for the spring track. He'd be perfect for anything that involves being exposed to the light or the sun or anything that makes him burn even brighter.

"So you really do have a lot of tricks up your sleeve, huh?" Myungsoo says, humming.

"Well, I guess you could say that," Baekhyun replies. He saunters forward, swaying from side to side, arms locked behind his back. "Would you like me to show you some of them?"

That's a bad pick-up line, Myungsoo wants to say. He doesn't. Maybe Baekhyun's just really wondering if Myungsoo's interested in seeing magic unfold right before his eyes, or if Myungsoo wants to learn a couple of tricks, himself. Or maybe Baekhyun's just bored, because kids who are bored say the weirdest things that make no sense to anyone but themselves. So Myungsoo doesn't say anything, only holds Baekhyun's gaze and cocks an eyebrow at him in response. Baekhyun doesn't back down from the challenge; instead, he moves even closer, resting one hand on Myungsoo's shoulder and letting it slip, tracing the curve of Myungsoo's body with his warm palm.

His hand settles of Myungsoo's hip. If Baekhyun leans even closer and fists his free hand in Myungsoo's shirt, this would be the same as before, when it was just the two of them and the ventilation noise in the bathroom. But Baekhyun doesn't, like everything's just caught up to him – where they are, the production crew just a few feet away, Sunggyu's hovering presence even if he's far away from them. He just keeps his hand there, thumb drawing lazy doodles on the jut of Myungsoo's bone. And he keeps Myungsoo in place by gripping Myungsoo tight and saying, "I asked you a question."

Myungsoo takes a deep breath. A few feet away, Sunggyu calls out to them, saying, "I'll just get my coat from the lockers. I'll meet you at the entrance?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun answers. He doesn't even turn to look at Sunggyu, just holds Myungsoo's gaze and smiles a little when he says, "So?"

Myungsoo gulps hard. If, at first, he thought he was imagining things, then he's certain right now that he isn't imagining anything. Baekhyun kissed the tip of his nose earlier, the corner of his mouth. If they didn't have to go back to work then he could've done more, and maybe Myungsoo would've given in. But he didn't. Neither of them did. They weren't teens who'd back each other against the wall and rub against each other. They didn't posses that kind of courage, the blind belief that they could do whatever the hell they wanted, whenever. They're adults now, and at the ripe age of twenty-eight it's difficult to make mistakes and just choke them up to poor judgment. It doesn't work that way.

Baekhyun's still looking at him, head cocked to the side and chin tilted like he can spend hours like this, just waiting for Myungsoo's answer. He licks his lips when he drops his gaze to Myungsoo's mouth. Myungsoo can feel Baekhyun's fingers growing cold, his grip getting tighter by the second. It doesn't hurt, though. If anything, it just makes Myungsoo warmer, thaws him out, helps him breathe.

"I don't mind," Myungsoo answers after a while. He rests his hand atop Baekhyun's own. Baekhyun's skin is so soft, so warm. It feels nice against his palm. This fit feels nice. He gives Baekhyun a light pinch, then, and smiles when Baekhyun groans a little in response. "I could use something new."

He means, I could use a distraction, but not when we're working. After work hours, he can play with Baekhyun for as long as he wants. But when they're on the set, when the studio lights are on Baekhyun, setting him aglow, Baekhyun has to help him focus. The sooner they can get things done, the earlier they can run back to the sandpit and play. Maybe accidentally get some sand in their eyes and ask the other to get out it, blow it away, to kiss the pain away.

Baekhyun's thumb stops moving. The footsteps drawing closer to them are growing louder. He pulls away. "Good," Baekhyun says, then drops his hand to his side. "But first, we have to eat." Then he's walking away, inching closer to where Sunggyu is and father away from Myungsoo.

Myungsoo takes a deep breath. He rests a hand on his hip, tracing the fit of Baekhyun's hand on his body.

Baekhyun's touch lingers, burns.

ミ☆

They step outside the restaurant at exactly eleven in the evening. "You have to remember that we're all old," Sunggyu tells them, then promptly buries his nose in his scarf. His cheeks are the brightest shade of red and he's mumbling something against the material, something that sounds a lot like 'stupid schedules and stupid broadcasts and why the hell did I drink this much when I know I'm a fucking lightweight?' Drinking always makes Sunggyu too loose-lipped, too honest, especially to himself. He's a bit too critical of his actions, too, but then he can assume the same role even without the help of alcohol.

He leans against a lamp post and fishes for his phone from his pocket. "'m gonna get us a cab. Get you two a cab and get myself one because I won't fucking drive in this state I can't feel my legs, fuck–" Baekhyun rolls his eyes and guides Sunggyu so that he has his back against the post and his legs are stable. Myungsoo waits for Baekhyun to exit the frame, then takes a picture of Sunggyu with his nose and cheeks too red. He sends that to Howon and says, see? hyung isn't as strict and evil as most ppl think he is. he's a fun drunk.

oh ur drinking? or r u done now???, Howon replies. Another message comes in, saying, u need me to pick u up or something? or r u with your cute little model boy who's drunk, as well?

'Cute little model boy' might be the perfect description for Baekhyun. He is cute, with the way he's taking selcas with Sunggyu's mostly-asleep figure slumped against the post. Once he's done, he kicks Sunggyu's feet and says, in a loud voice, "Hyung, don't fall asleep! You still need to get us a cab!" And Baekhyun isn't much smaller than he is, just a few centimeters shorter, give or take. He just makes Sunggyu look much taller because his shoulders are almost always slumped forward, his back hunched.

Shame, he muses. Baekhyun has broad shoulders. He looks nice in polos that highlight the contour of his body, but he manages to pull off even shirts twice his size. The rest of him looks small, though, without the right stage lights shining down upon him. He looks like a lost kid when he gets one part of his routine wrong, when he studies his reflection on the mirror in the practice room and says, 'Why won't you get things right? You've been doing this for so long already. What's wrong with you?'

Model. Myungsoo replaces that with 'talent', retains the 'boy'. Baekhyun has the enthusiasm of a kid but the maturity of someone five years older than his age. He has the energy of an eight-year-old but the body of a forty-year-old, shivering and groaning in distress when the wind blows again.

Myungsoo looks down at his phone and types, yeah him. Beside him, he hears Baekhyun sniffling. cute little model boy.

u owe me a drink or 2, kid. i want full details on ur drinking exploits

Myungsoo snorts. i'll try to recall what happened then text u whatever i remember.

The wind's blowing right against their faces, rousing Sunggyu from his momentary sleep and lifting some snow off the ground. The flecks of snow stick to their pants, then hem of their coats, some even reaching the pockets of Baekhyun's pants. The wind tousles Baekhyun's hair. He isn't wearing a bonnet today, a stupid move since it's the height of winter, but then the forecast didn't warn them about this. It almost feels as if there's a snowstorm brewing, like the next time the wind blows they'll be buried in heaps of snow.

It's not a nice thought. Myungsoo shakes that theory off his shoulders and turns to look at Baekhyun beside him. Baekhyun is fussing with scarf wound around his neck, undoing the knot and forming some weird loops with it like he means to wrap it around his head, instead. Baekhyun stops midway through, though, tucking his hair behind his ears, then throws the other end of the scarf over his shoulder to he can work on his makeshift hood.

"Hang on–" Myungsoo says, reaching out to flick some snow out of Baekhyun's eyelashes with his thumb. He rests his other hand on Baekhyun's shoulder and Baekhyun closes his eyes at once, like he's just been issued a tall order. His lashes flutter. They look like thin butterfly wings that breathe more color into Baekhyun's red-rimmed eyes. They aren't long, but they do curl at the ends just enough to soften Baekhyun's eyes. He's really pretty. "There's more on your bangs–"

"Take 'em off," Baekhyun whispers. It sounds loud, though, like they're too close that there's nothing else Myungsoo can hear but Baekhyun's voice and thumping pulse at the back of his ears. Baekhyun is close, enough that Myungsoo can count the tiny balls of snow on the bridge of Baekhyun's nose if he wanted to. If he can't make out the details then he can just lean in, squint his eyes, study Baekhyun from a much closer distance–

Baekhyun blows at his bangs. His breath is a sick mix of hot and cold when it catches on Myungsoo's skin. Baekhyun is warm – no, he's hot like a furnace, cheeks burning an interesting shade of red as he worries his bottom lip. "I said," he begins, voice lower and even rougher, like the cold weather is clawing on his throat and leaving nasty scratches there. "I said, take 'em off." He looks at his nose this time, going cross-eyed for a moment until Myungsoo's dusting off the snow on Baekhyun's skin. He's drunk. It's obvious in the way he slurs his words, in the way he sways from side to side without the rhythm that his body usually possesses. And Myungsoo can smell it in his breath – soju and beer and spices and a hint of melon from the ice cream he'd eaten to sober himself up.

"You missed a spot," Baekhyun whispers, pursing his lips and jutting them in the direction of his nose. Myungsoo stops, stares for a while, eyes drawn to the movement of Baekhyun's lips, to the cracks on Baekhyun's bottom lip. Fucking fix that, he wants to tell Baekhyun, but he's drunk. Maybe he's a little too drunk – on the sense of fulfillment after being able to do a nice enough studio shoot for the first time in years, on the fact that he finally took a leap of faith and flicked on the studio lights again. His limbs are heavy and his nape aches and lips are sore – from drinking too much alcohol or the cold or from being bitten too much, he can't tell. And Baekhyun keeps catching his bottom lip between his teeth, teasing it and teasing Myungsoo. "Yah, there's still–"

"Got it," Myungsoo says, then leans in just a little to blow the fleck of snow away. When he pulls away, he sees Baekhyun's flushed cheeks, the tentative smile on the corners of his lips.

"Thanks," Baekhyun whispers, then takes a step back. Their bodies are no longer in a snug fit, but Baekhyun is still close. Myungsoo can still feel the warmth of Baekhyun's body from where he is.

Beside them, Sunggyu's flashing his phone in the air and waving at something. Must be the cab approaching them. Or maybe this is Sunggyu's way of saying, 'SM frowns upon office romance, I'm just saying–'

"You... You can take that cab and go ahead, if you want," Baekhyun says after a while. He hugs his jacket closer to his body as the taxi slows down, pulling over a foot away. "I can probably hail one around the block, once I get hyung into a cab of his own. I've never seen him this drunk."

I've never seen him this happy, either, Myungsoo wants to say. Sunggyu's rarely so careless and carefree, so this sight – Sunggyu swaying his head to some beat only he can hear and dancing in his position as he says, "The cab's here!" is rare. It's the type that Myungsoo would record using his phone and send to Woohyun. ur friend's acting crazy again, he'd probably tell Woohyun, and Woohyun would call him to say, 'So why are you with him and not me?'

He shakes his head, wills the thoughts away. Baekhyun looks up at him wide eyes and an even wider 'o' of the mouth. Sunggyu is Baekhyun's manager. There are things about Sunggyu's personal life that Baekhyun doesn't need to know. And there are things that Myungsoo shouldn't be thinking about at such a late hour.

"He can usually hold his alcohol better. Must be the fatigue at work. He hardly finished his second bottle of beer," Myungsoo says. He opens the door and gives the driver Sunggyu's address, then looks over his shoulder. "We can go take the next cab. At least we got the plate number for hyung's. If he goes missing then we know where to find him."

Baekhyun chuckles. "So we're going home together."

"We're taking the same cab." It's the same thing. "I'll pay for the fare up until my house. Just take care of the rest." Or take me with you. He swallows that thought down. "Can you... help me with hyung?"

Baekhyun blinks, then leans back. With a nod, he grips Sunggyu by the wrist and guides him inside the cab. Baekhyun presses down on the tuft of Sunggyu's hair with his free hand, making sure Sunggyu doesn't bump his head into the ceiling. "Yah, hyung, you text or call us when you get home, okay? For our peace of mind?"

"Peaceeee," Sunggyu says. Or singsongs. Everything he's saying right now sounds either sounds like a weird mishmash of words. His eyes are still sharp, though, focused. Discerning. Myungsoo meets his gaze head on and doesn't flinch even when Sunggyu cocks an eyebrow at him. Alcohol makes him more courageous, less fearful, quicker to forget the sinking feeling in his stomach, the feeling of Baekhyun's hand steady on his hip. Alcohol makes it easy for him to reach out and slip an arm around Baekhyun's waist when Baekhyun wobbles a little. He's here to help, not cause more trouble. He's just here as a friend. "Your cab's around the corner, I think? You two are taking the same cab, right?"

Baekhyun looks over his shoulder, peering through his bangs. His lips are pressed together and goddammit, he's got to take care of his lips else he'll bruise them, get cuts on them. And it's even harder to retouch that in post. Myungsoo's only worried that he'll have to do so much in Photoshop. Work, he reminds himself. This is an extension of work.

"We could be," Baekhyun says, then faces front again to turn his attention to Sunggyu. Then he sinks into the touch, his back pressed to Myungsoo's chest and his hand coming to rest on Myungsoo's wrist. "Yeah, we could–"

"We will," Myungsoo answers. To Sunggyu, he says, "Our ride's here. Get some rest, hyung. I'll call you in the morning."

"Afternoon," Sunggyu replies. Myungsoo laughs a little. Years ago, they probably would've showed up in class despite getting so shitfaced the night before. Fast forward five years and here they are, begging off from an early morning engagement. "You, kid, don't turn up for practice early. I'll tell the higher ups you had indigestion so you had to shit your heart out and won't be able to report until after lunch."

"Yeah, yeah, you've always got me covered. I get it, hyung." Baekhyun frowns at Sunggyu, but the way he's ruffling Sunggyu's hair seems so fond that the 'hyung' and the biting remark sound so out of place. "Go. We'll talk tomorrow. We have to get in our cab now."

Our cab. It's just a car, much like the one Sunggyu's riding at the moment. It isn't anything special. And Baekhyun's tapping his feet in quick succession, beats matching that of his summer track. It's only winter. There's a long way to go. They've just started the game.

With one last wave of the hand, Sunggyu's locking the doors of his taxi and driving off, disappearing around the block. And Baekhyun's wrapping his fingers around Myungsoo's wrist, dragging him inside the cab so they can get a move on and be a few seconds closer to home.

There's no build up on the road, not at such a late hour. It's smack in the middle of the week and most of the kids commuting are probably at home, sipping seaweed soup, or in cram school still studying even at the height of the holiday season. Baekhyun's looking out the window, crammed to one side of the cab and a good twelve inches away from Myungsoo. It gives him enough space to breathe, but without Baekhyun's warmth pressed to his side the temperature inside the car feels so much colder. So he taps a beat on the cushion, looks in front of him and keeps his eyes on the road ahead. From a corner of his eye, he can see Baekhyun sneaking a glance at him every so often.

So are we going to talk about it, Myungsoo muses when the car slows down. They've been exchanging glances the whole time, brushing against each other and staring at each other's lips every chance they got. Baekhyun kept touching him – a hand on his hip, fingers wound around his wrist, his thumb drawing lazy circles on Myungsoo's skin. And now that they're alone, now that there's nothing but these few spaces between them keeping them apart, Baekhyun isn't speaking, isn't even reaching out to draw patterns on the back of his hand.

They approach a corner, and when the car swerves Baekhyun loses his grip on the couch and slides to the other side of the cab. His elbows digs into Myungsoo's side and his head finds a nice fit on Myungsoo's shoulders when he tilts it to the side. Baekhyun steadies himself by gripping Myungsoo's thigh, tight and unforgiving. His hand is shaking. His fingers are cold. His chest is heaving in tandem with his heavy breathing. Myungsoo reaches out, then, rests one hand atop Baekhyun's in an attempt to lend him some warmth. He keeps the touch light, though, in case Baekhyun wants to pull away. They're headed home, traveling from Gangnam to Ilsandong. And as with all trips, this one has to come to an end as well.

"Hi," Baekhyun says in a small, small voice. It almost sounds as if he's croaking. Myungsoo chuckles. Baekhyun shifts, then, looking up, his head still rested on Myungsoo's shoulder. He pokes Myungsoo's cheek twice. "I said, hi."

Myungsoo turns to look at him, laughter still playing on his lips. Baekhyun's eyes sparkle even more in the dark. If Myungsoo squints hard enough, maybe he'll see Baekhyun smiling, but then it's almost midnight. They've been shooting for hours and they're tired. They've been exposed to studio lights for far too long and Myungsoo isn't used to studying things in the dark anymore. So he leans closer, just close enough for him to feel the heat of Baekhyun's skin pressed to his cheek. His body is beginning to memorize this sensation; his mind is having trouble catching up. "Hello."

"Yeah, hi," Baekhyun says again. He splays his fingers out on Myungsoo's thigh, warm palm pressing down harder. Then he hooks his fingers on Myungsoo's own and balls his hand into a fist, dragging Myungsoo's hand along with him. He just keeps their fingers intertwined like that, not uttering a word, but his pulse is tapping messages on Myungsoo's skin like a code – one tap for 'hi', two taps for 'hello'. A tap longer than the usual for 'what are we doing?', then three beats in succession for 'what's happening?'.

"I don't know," Myungsoo voices out, breathing out in a long and loud exhale. Baekhyun hums, chuckles, doesn't question him and doesn't say anything for the rest of the trip. Only when the cab pulls over at Myungsoo's building does Baekhyun let go and look up, does he part his lips again and make an unintelligible gurgle at the back of his throat.

"Say it," Myungsoo declares. He keeps the door open, rests one hand on the body of the car and transfers all of his weight to it. He can hear the driver mumbling something, but he doesn't care. It's Baekhyun's voice that he needs to hear, not the driver's. It's Baekhyun who owes him an explanation, something more than a 'hi' or a 'hello' that could mean anything, ranging from 'hi, go to hell,' or 'hello, we're almost late for our ride to heaven'. "Go on, say whatever you have to say."

"I'll... text you when I get home," Baekhyun begins. He grips the handle on his side of the cab and gives the door a soft tug. The vibration stuns Myungsoo, makes him jerk back and release his hold on the door. "Go. Rest well."

He opens his mouth to say more, but soon the car's speeding away, slowly getting swallowed by the night and the darkness. They won't be turning right until two blocks later, so Myungsoo tries chasing after Baekhyun with a statement, a question without the lilts in his voice fitting of something he's supposed to be unsure of. "So we're not talking about it–" he calls out, but his voice comes out so faint, almost as if he's breathing. That won't reach the car driving off, turning around the block. The sound won't reach Baekhyun no matter how hard he tries.

Not this shit again, a voice of the back of his mind says. So he tells it off, says to himself, "Shut up," and walks up the stairs of his building. Maybe with tomorrow's promise of sunshine, he'll be able to see things better. Maybe tomorrow, he'll wake up not remembering a thing.

He doesn't get drunk, though. There's no reason for him to forget a single detail.

He kicks the ground before keying in the building's code. With a deep breath, he shuts the door behind him, hoping to leave behind memories of this night out in the streets to freeze in the cold.

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