rustle | infinite/exo: there's only one chance to take a picture (5/5)

Baekhyun crashes at his place that night at half past one in the morning, too many cans of beer and bottles of soju after. The crew had a small, alcohol-less dinner somewhere, bailing out of Sunggyu's drinking invitation because they have an 11 a.m. location shoot at Sokcho-si. That meant having to ready to leave Seoul before midnight and spending nine hours on the road. It's all good, though. Myungsoo almost always prefers small, intimate dinners, after all. It also allows Baekhyun to sit closer to him than the usual, hold his hand under the table, pulling away only when he has to reach for the pitcher of water because Sunggyu's too drunk to tell the water and soju containers apart. It's almost like routine now – Baekhyun takes care of keeping Sunggyu awake enough to walk and Myungsoo takes care of the bill. Baekhyun slips inside the cab first because Myungsoo's bad at remembering addresses especially when he's already had a lot to drink. Then Sunggyu stumbles inside the car, but Myungsoo makes sure he doesn't smack his head into any flat surface as he makes his journey inside. Myungsoo leans Sunggyu's head on his shoulder when Sunggyu's head lolls forward, and Baekhyun keeps his hand on Myungsoo's wrist. 'For support' is what Baekhyun would always say whenever Sunggyu woke up in the middle of the trip, asking why Baekhyun had to hold onto Myungsoo like that. And Myungsoo would only nod in agreement even as Baekhyun slipped an arm around Sunggyu's shoulder, his hand narrowly missing the jut of Sunggyu's bone and settling on the slope of Myungsoo's neck, instead.

They drop off an inebriated Sunggyu at his place first before heading to Myungsoo's flat in Ilsandong. It's common enough an activity that the humor behind tacking a sticky note that says 'pls call when you wake up, want to make sure you're alive tysm -baek and myungsoo' to Sunggyu's forehead has long lost its charm. It was funny the first few times, but at this point Myungsoo's more concerned about Sunggyu being able to make it to work the following day.

"Is it true? He really has a 10 a.m.?" Myungsoo asks as he fishes for his keys in his pocket. Baekhyun grunts in response and holds two thumbs up, all while resting his forehead on the wall just beside Myungsoo's door. "He never learns."

Baekhyun snorts. "Says the guy who almost got together with his ugly ex who always sounds as if he's singing into a huge drum."

Myungsoo rolls his eyes and pinches Baekhyun in his side. "Oooh. Someone's jealous of somebody."

Baekhyun scoffs. "Who, me? Nah. I'm pretty darn talented," he replies. He pushes himself away from the wall, standing on his two feet again, but his knees give away a little. Myungsoo inches closer, then, slipping an arm around his waist to pull him closer. Baekhyun falls into him with practiced ease, his head finding a nice fit on Myungsoo's shoulder. Baekhyun's not drunk yet, just tipsy at best, but he's always a bit too sleepy after a long car ride. The patch of drool on Myungsoo's shirt is a testament to that.

"Better than him?"

"Much, much better," Baekhyun replies. He leans back against Myungsoo's wall once they walk past the doorway and he quickly slips out of his jacket. "Plus, I have you. That makes me ten times better and luckier and–"

"And you're really loud," Myungsoo whispers. He kicks the door closed and locks it. He feels around for the controls for the air conditioning and sets it on dry, 25, just enough to lift the heat of alcohol from their bodies. He flicks the switch for the lights open, too, just so they won't stumble in the dark anymore. The first time it happened, Baekhyun almost knocked over the desk fan in Myungsoo's living room. Baekhyun apologized to the fan and berated Myungsoo for putting it there. They ended up laughing on the floor for a good two, three minutes. Then they stopped short and asked, why were they even laughing? Myungsoo started laughing again after that, and in a heartbeat Baekhyun was kissing him and swallowing his laughter whole. "Really, really loud."

Baekhyun licks his lips. The lights finally stop flickering. They looked like pixie dust on Baekhyun's skin earlier, setting him aglow. He still looks pretty, though, with his cheeks flushed in heat and his lips too red, parted slightly in a sly grin. "Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?"

Myungsoo inches closer until he has Baekhyun backed against a wall, his arms on either side of him. From where he is, Baekhyun looks small, so small, that if Myungsoo wanted to scoop him up then he just had to envelop Baekhyun in his arms. "I have a few ideas."

Baekhyun hums. "Make my day."

A few ideas means moving even closer until he can press his lips on Baekhyun's own. He's been waiting for this – they've been waiting for this, for darkness to truly settle all around them and shield them from the privy eyes of the public, for hours, for too long, forever. Back in the cab, when Myungsoo had already returned from making sure Sunggyu was tucked in bed with a sticky note on his forehead, Baekhyun slid his hand up Myungsoo's thigh and just kept it there, tracing dizzying circles on the fabric of his jeans. Myungsoo responded in kind, reaching for Baekhyun's nape and resting his head on Baekhyun's shoulder so he could press butterfly kisses on the underside of Baekhyun's jaw. In the elevator, Baekhyun had his fingers splayed on Myungsoo's abdomen, slid one leg between Myungsoo's own, but never quite leaned in close enough for a kiss. It was a game, a test to see who could hold out longer, stand still, waiting and resisting in equal parts. And now, here they are, with Baekhyun's throaty moans trapped in the open press of Myungsoo's mouth.

Baekhyun's hands are everywhere – Myungsoo's nape, his neck, balled into fists in his hair, then sliding down the shape of Myungsoo's body until he could rest them on Myungsoo's hips and tug on the waistband of Myungsoo's pants. Myungsoo's breath hitches. Baekhyun presses even closer, his knee brushing against Myungsoo's tenting arousal. He tenses all over and gasps into Baekhyun's mouth, but Baekhyun keeps kissing him, keeping sucking the corners of his mouth and rubbing his knee against Myungsoo inner thigh and bucking his hips into Myungsoo's own when Myungsoo kisses him deeper, sucking on his tongue.

"Fuck–" Baekhyun breathes out, his voice muffled against Myungsoo's skin. Feeling courageous, Myungsoo maps out Baekhyun's chest through the material of his shirt, thumbs just grazing Baekhyun's nipples and flicking them through the rough material until they're peaked. Baekhyun groans in response, pulling away, enough for him to let go of Myungsoo's bottom lip caught between his teeth. So Myungsoo keeps at it, flicks Baekhyun's nipples through his shirt and kisses him and swallows all of the pretty sounds he makes until Baekhyun's chest is heaving, until they could hear nothing but the loud thumping in each other's chests in the tight press of their bodies.

"Do you–" Baekhyun swallows hard, breath hitching when Myungsoo sucks a bright red mark on the base of his throat. He'll regret that tomorrow, during practice when he has to wear comfortable dancing clothes that won't cover the marks on his skin, the scars and reminders of this spring evening. And maybe Myungsoo will regret it, as well, when he meets Sunggyu's stern gaze that says, 'Are you really pushing through with this? Do you really want to put his career at risk? Are you really going to be selfish, Myungsoo? Tell me now, tell me–'

"Do you want to–" Baekhyun tries again, voice steadier this time. He pulls away from Myungsoo even more, putting enough space between them to breathe, but his thumbs are still toying with the button of Myungsoo's jeans. "Can I–"

"Anything you want," Myungsoo replies, voice dropping to a whisper. He rests his hands atop Baekhyun's own and leans forward to place a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. That was how it all began, months ago, with a gesture as innocent as that, a small token of gratitude for understanding. Myungsoo hopes Baekhyun does. His whole body is shaking and his pulse is beating strongly against Baekhyun's skin and he wants Baekhyun now more than ever, more than anything else in this world. But sometimes, the language of the body isn't enough. So he repeats, this time louder, "Anything for you."

"Okay," Baekhyun says. He slips off his shoes, shuffles them to the side as Myungsoo mimics his actions. Then he wraps his slender fingers around Myungsoo's wrist, pulling him deeper into the house, into the darkness.

Baekhyun moves around in Myungsoo's apartment like it was his own. He navigates it better in the dark than he does at seven in the morning, even with the shadows creeping up on them and the last few rays of light from the entrance slipping as they venture deeper into the flat. It's silly; he's only been here six, seven times? Half the time, he's inebriated. The other half, he's too lazy to go home and too pliant that he leans into Myungsoo's touch at the slightest contact. Yet it feels as if he's been living here forever, or he's been studying the place well enough to have its twists and turns memorized like the back of his hand.

"Room? Or couch?" he asks. The pulse in his palm skips a beat. It's almost as if it's saying, if you want to bail out then now is the time. Don't make me wait any longer, Myungsoo. Let's end this while we still can.

"I don't think you can wait any longer," Myungsoo murmurs against Baekhyun's skin. He cups Baekhyun's tenting erection through his pants and Baekhyun growls. It sounds just as sweet as his high notes, the one he belt out in his full voice and not his falsetto. "Here is fine."

Baekhyun nods and takes two steps back, guiding them to the couch. A few weeks ago, they were slumped against it, drinking beer, sharing just a platter of chips and a comforting touch. Baekhyun had vowed to make him smile again, swore to threaten him with a grin if he so much as thought of frowning. And Myungsoo said okay, why not, make my day. Let's see where this takes us. It's been working – even more so now that Baekhyun is hovering him, pulling his shirt over his head. He shivers at the cold intrusion, when the cool air pricks his skin, but Baekhyun soon gets to work and peppers his chest with warm kisses, his hot and wet mouth leaving scars everywhere it touches.

Myungsoo slips his cool fingers beneath Baekhyun's shirt. Baekhyun sucks a bit too hard on his skin. The apology comes in the form of his tongue laving over Myungsoo's sensitive skin; revenge is in the way he licks around Myungsoo's nipple but doesn't linger long enough to pay it attention. So Myungsoo balls his hands into fists in Baekhyun's hair, tugs him closer until he can feel the heavy press of Baekhyun's knee against his crotch.

"Who's impatient now?" Baekhyun asks, humming. Myungsoo can feel the warmth between Baekhyun's legs, though, can feel the light jerking of Baekhyun's body, can hear the tiny hiccups slowly spilling from Baekhyun's lips.

"Both of us."

Baekhyun snorts. He leans in until their noses touch. He's laughing, wearing the same bright smile that Myungsoo has come to fall in love with. "You're so smart. One of the reasons why I like you."

Myungsoo swallows hard as Baekhyun crushes their lips together. It feels nice being reminded that every so often. The slide of their mouths, wet and juvenile, feels nice.

Baekhyun pulls his own shirt over his head as Myungsoo makes quick work of his pants. Soon, their clothes are pooled on the floor, a tangled mess of shirts and pants much like the tangle of their limbs. Baekhyun wastes no time, taking one of Myungsoo's nipples between his lips and giving it a light suck as he flicks the other with his thumb. The dip of Baekhyun's back is a nice slope, a faint trail of moles leading his gaze further south. He wants to reach out, to touch, to touch Baekhyun, but it's becoming increasingly hard to think of anything when Baekhyun's slowly working his way down, his wet lips hovering the tip of Myungsoo's dick.

"Are you sure you want this?" Baekhyun asks again, his breath hot and prickling Myungsoo's sensitive skin. He darts out his tongue, then, when Myungsoo doesn't respond, and Myungsoo feels the light tremble of Baekhyun's fingers on his thighs when Baekhyun gives his cock another light lick at the tip. "Myungsoo, I want to make sure–"

"Yes, yes, yes. I thought I made it clear–" Baekhyun's eyes are aflame, focused on him. It makes his breath hitch. "Please, Baekhyun, please–"

Baekhyun licks his lips, then runs his thumb along the vein of Myungsoo's cock. Myungsoo bites down a whimper, gripping Baekhyun's hair tighter. Baekhyun hums against his dick, then, lips pressed to the sensitive skin, then he's licking along the shaft and curling his cold fingers around Myungsoo's skin. The push and pull of hot and cold, the glide of the Baekhyun's lips and the light scratching of Baekhyun's teeth against his cock set off explosions at the tips of his fingers. When Baekhyun clamps lips around his cock to give it a long, hard suck, he moans out loud and bucks his hips in response, hitting the back of Baekhyun's throat and startling a gasp out of Baekhyun. And then Baekhyun's humming around his skin. Baekhyun's shaking, too; he can feel it in the tremble of Baekhyun's fingers around his cock, in the light shaking of his jaw, in Baekhyun's heavy panting against his skin, but Baekhyun doesn't stop. He sucks harder, licks even more without a trace of regret or restraint, his free hand gripping Myungsoo's balls to give it a light squeeze. It's all too much – the heat, the sensation, the attention Baekhyun is giving him, the feeling of Baekhyun's slow-forming smile magnified tenfold with the way he moves his lips around Myungsoo's cock.

"I'm close–" Myungsoo whimpers. His grip on Baekhyun's hair tightens as arousal pools in his abdomen even more, as Baekhyun works him up and works him harder when he presses his wet thumb on Myungsoo's entrance. "Jesus, Baekhyun– Fuck–"

Baekhyun looks up at him, eyes no longer burning the same fire it carried earlier, but he can still see himself – wrecked and wanting – in them, even clearer than before. Baekhyun's gaze is soft, tender. His lips are gentle against his skin, no longer rough, and if he listens close enough maybe he can hear Baekhyun saying something, singing their song. Baekhyun laughs a little and Myungsoo's eyes widen as his release hits him like that's what does it for him – Baekhyun's gentle touch, Baekhyun looking at him like nothing, no one else in the world matters.

"I didn't know you could be so loud," Baekhyun whispers in his ear a little later, once Myungsoo's heavy breathing has slowed down and evened out. Baekhyun is still hovering him, looking at him with a fond gaze and an even fonder smile. "So that makes two of us, huh?"

"We'll see about that," Myungsoo answers. He tilts his head up, meeting Baekhyun's lips in a kiss as he reaches south to give Baekhyun's dick a light squeeze. Baekhyun lets out a tiny whimper, but soon he's melting into the touch and bucking his hips into Myungsoo's loose fist. He can feel the light trembling of Baekhyun's thighs, the frantic movements of Baekhyun's tongue tracing patterns on his skin as he jerks Baekhyun even harder, faster. Baekhyun's near, he can tell, Baekhyun's dick growing hotter and heavier in his slick palms by the minute, but soon Baekhyun's pulling away and looking at him in the eye.

"May I," Baekhyun begins, sucking two fingers between his lips. He twists his mouth a little before pulling them out with a dull 'pop'. "Is this okay with you?"

Myungsoo lets out a small gurgle and Baekhyun laughs. His cheeks are flushed, his lips so red and full and beautiful when he grins. And Myungsoo wants to see it even clearer. So he pushes himself up, twisting one of Baekhyun's nipples before giving it a light lick. "Yes. It's okay."

Baekhyun's breath hitches. "Okay," he whispers right back, the licks the tip of his fingers. Slowly, he lifts Myungsoo's legs, resting them on his shoulder to give his rim light, teasing licks. He dips his tongue inside just a little, and Myungsoo lets out a faint moan, bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from groaning when Baekhyun pulls away. Soon, Baekhyun's pushing one finger inside, stretching Myungsoo open in a slow and easy motion before sliding in a second finger. He's patient, slow and methodical in the way the thrusts his fingers in and out, careful in the cay he gently scissors his fingers inside Myungsoo. The stretch burns, feels like he's being ripped apart, but Baekhyun makes the pain bearable and pleasurable.

Baekhyun's knuckles brush against his entrance just lightly and then he's adding a third finger, twisting his hand and digging deeper in search of Myungsoo's prostate. He curls his fingers inside, careful and gentle. Another thrust and Baekhyun finds it, and a sizzle of pleasure courses through Myungsoo's veins, makes him choke on his own breath and startles a moan out of him.

Baekhyun purrs. Myungsoo's torn between bucking his hips to feel Baekhyun's mouth on his skin and pulling Baekhyun up so he can kiss him. Baekhyun gives him no time to think, though, pushes in another finger and twists his hands again, his knuckles grinding against Myungsoo's entrance this time. He feels so full and his thoughts are a mess and can't see beyond the curl of Baekhyun's pretty lips, can't hear anything but Baekhyun's soft humming. But Baekhyun keeps him in check, gently rubbing his thumb on Myungsoo's inner thigh as if saying, it's alright, I've got you, everything will be alright.

Baekhyun pulls out his fingers after a while. Myungsoo whimpers at the loss of warmth, his muscles clenching around nothing, but soon Baekhyun's pressing the tip of his dick to his entrance. "Hi," Baekhyun says in a small, small voice, lips curling up in a shy smile like he hadn't been fucking Myungsoo with his fingers earlier, like he isn't sinking deeper into Myungsoo, shifting inside him and against Myungsoo's muscles until he finds a comfortable fit. "Hi. You're really beautiful like this."

Myungsoo gulps hard. Tries to stick out his tongue in response but Baekhyun shifts inside him, surprising a gasp out of him, instead. He can feel Baekhyun's thighs shaking, can feel the sweaty slide of Baekhyun's palms on his skin, can feel the burn of the friction, but Baekhyun steals his attention when he leans forward to make their lips meet in a sloppy kiss. Baekhyun pulls out a little, and then he's thrusting back in, deeper with each movement until his dick is nudging Myungsoo's prostate. Myungsoo's lips fall open as a stream of small sounds slips from his lips. Soon, Baekhyun's singing along, whining and whimpering at the back of his throat as he moves faster. He presses a kiss to the back of Myungsoo's knee, his thigh, every part of Myungsoo that his lips can touch until he's whispering Myungsoo's name against his skin like a mantra, a prayer for which no other words exist. "Myungsoo– Myungsoo–" he whispers, voice throaty and rough, and then he's spilling inside him, his mouth wet and warm on Myungsoo's skin.

Later, lying down on the comforter they've rolled out on the floor, Myungsoo reaches up to trace the shape of Baekhyun's mouth with his fingers. Baekhyun's skin is still hot, soft, too sensitive, that Baekhyun shivers at the slightest scrape of Myungsoo's nail on his skin. Myungsoo can feel the goosepimples on Baekhyun's skin where his cheek is pressed to Myungsoo's chest. The wild thumping in his chest has eased, though, into a steady one-two beat. Something akin to a slow dance of two pressed bodies on the floor. "You have a really nice smile," he whispers, then pushes up the corners, poking them when Baekhyun tries to frown. "Seriously, you look better when you don't try so hard to look sexy and just act like your usual cute self–"

"I try hard to be sexy? What?" Baekhyun pinches him in his stomach. He means to groan, but instead he laughs a little. He lets his face fall forward, burying his nose in Baekhyun's chest. The scent of sweat and soju is thick on Baekhyun's skin. It's addictive, sets of explosions at the pit of his stomach and the tips of his fingers. "With this body? With this beautiful face?"

Myungsoo looks up for a while, then dips his head to blow raspberries on Baekhyun's stomach. Baekhyun giggles. "Mhmm. Sexy. Right." Baekhyun mumbles something about 'cute and sneaky non-believers', but pulls Myungsoo up so he can kiss him, nonetheless.

Baekhyun doesn't give him an answer until minutes after, just before he drifts off in Baekhyun's arms. They're still on the floor, more comfortable now after shifting around and draping a blanket all over their tangled limbs. "You asked," Baekhyun begins, "why I didn't want to do the big smile thing and bare my teeth." Myungsoo nods, urging him to go on. "It's pretty silly, really. I've been putting off telling you because it sounds so stupid. It's... kind of a small thing that led to a chain of events? And then everything just exploded into a mess and... here we are now."

Myungsoo laughs a little. "So you call this a mess." This, their pressed bodies, the fit of their limbs. Baekhyun's chin tucked on Myungsoo's head and Myungsoo's face half-buried in the slope of Baekhyun's neck. "C'mon, Baek, try me. I won't judge," he assures him. He gives Baekhyun a light poke on the tummy. "I'll listen."

Baekhyun takes a deep, shaky breath. He licks his lips a few times, the only sound breaking the thick blanket of silence their rhythmic breathing. "Back in primary school, my classmates would call me weird for... y'know, having this kind of smile. For smiling all the time. They thought something was wrong with me because even when the teacher would make half the class stand outside the classroom because they were all noisy and they'd put the blame on me, I'd still smile. In hindsight, it might have been really creepy, but I didn't know how else to react to things. I guess it was my default reaction to everything. To life." He laughs a little. Pulling up the corners of the mouth, his lips fall open into a boxy shape. Myungsoo has seen more interesting mouths, fuller lips, but Baekhyun's smile is one-of-a-kind. It's the type of smile that Myungsoo would be able to pick up from afar, even with the stage lights washing out half of Baekhyun's face, his features. It's the type of smile that he'd catch a glimpse of then he'd say, "Ah, I know this man. I know him. I know I'm home."

"So they'd call me a monster. Or a fake, a try-hard, the 'weird dorky dude' who spends too much time on the piano when playing the guitar seemed to be the... Ah, what did they call it? The manlier thing to do, that's right..." He eases the tension on his lips and slides one hand down Myungsoo's side, settling on his waist. The other, he traces figures on Myungsoo's chest with with a single finger. He doodles all sorts of things – a smiley, clouds, swirls and spirals. A star, then a heart. "Because a boy who plays piano is a boy who gets into trouble most of the time. A boy who has piano hands and sings love songs at the age of thirteen is a strange boy."

Myungsoo snorts, then brings Baekhyun's hand close to his chest. "Beethoven published his first composition at the age of ten. He'd then become one of the icons of music all over the world."

"Well, they obviously hadn't been studying their lessons," Baekhyun says, laughing a little. It sounds strained, though, almost as if he's croaking out the sound. It sounds painful. "So I... sort of became the butt of all jokes back then, smiley Byun Baekhyun who was a great pianist and academics but was shit at socializing. From primary 'til middle school, that was the case. I mean, my parents were behind me a hundred percent but they didn't like the 'gay rumors' floating around. They didn't like it when I stayed late in school after classes even if I really was doing projects with my classmates. Didn't like it when I spent so much time on my extra-curriculars because 'what if you find out one day that you like boys more than girls? It's bad, son, it's not right.'" His voice thins into a high, female tone. Probably imitating his mom, but he sounds as if he'd just taken a kick the balls. "But at least they supported my love for music, enrolled me in all sorts of music classes. It was fun."

Myungsoo taps a light beat of Baekhyun's stomach. "There's a but there," he whispers. He sounds cynical, but it's true. There's always a catch when things go too smoothly, when the stars align and everything just falls into place. There's a special place in hell for people like them who go again a current, a place called 'uncertainty'. It's a cold and lonely place unless you know you're treading it with someone else. "There's always a but. It's not all happy endings."

Baekhyun blows at his bangs. "I had to stop midway through high school. My parents – they both work in a bank – they got caught in a bank robbery... shootout thing. Tried to save everyone before saving themselves. Dead on arrival, both of them." He pauses, drumming his fingers on Myungsoo's chest, just light beats, like he's trying to carve a message on Myungsoo's skin. "And when everyone in school started taunting me about not having parents anymore, it... felt like dying inside. You know what I mean? They kept asking me, 'So why aren't you smiling anymore, huh? Come on, Byun, give us that smile–' It was sickening. It was just me and my brother against all the other assholes in the world. Hyung had just gotten into college then. He almost dropped out so he could work for the two of us but he got a scholarship eventually. We... managed. His friends helped him get through college. I... I only had three friends then, all of them from the music club. Well, Chanyeol was in the basketball team as well but he hung out at choir room more often than in the gym. So yeah, I stuck with those three, all the way until college. I mean, Chanyeol and Jongdae went to different schools–"

Myungsoo looks up. "Jongdae? SM's Chen? Same guy you're collabing with for the duet?" His stomach lurches. "So that's why you two were acting too–"

"Close?"

"Comfortable," Myungsoo finishes. He bites the inside of his cheek and wraps his arms around Baekhyun's waist tighter. "Hyung mentioned about the two of you going way back and winning in The Voice but that was it. That's all I know."

Baekhyun laughs a little. "Oh, so you're interested in Jongdae now? Man, that guy's out to get everything from me!"

"Not everything. Not me," he clarifies. He flicks a finger over Baekhyun's nipple. Baekhyun groans, faint and soft, but looks down at him with mischief in his eyes. It's almost as if he's saying, 'Slow down there, tiger, I'm not going anywhere.' "You were saying?"

Baekhyun twists his mouth to the side, poised to speak. He doesn't. Instead, he shakes his head and taps the tip of Myungsoo's nose before taking a deep, shaky breath, continuing his narration.

"So yeah. I... pretty much didn't have too many friends until college. It was nice, being surrounded by people who love music just as much as I do. I think it was only then that I... felt like smiling like that again? But even then, I dunno, it felt so weird. There's... always the fear of being judged by people. Whenever I saw myself in the mirror grinning, I'd look away. After a while, it began to get tiring so I'd just... sort of keep it all in. Or cover my mouth. It's less troublesome that way." He drums a beat on Myungsoo's chest again, jaws locking a little even before he can speak. So Myungsoo reaches up, draws a line from the underside of Baekhyun's jaw to the base of his throat. Presses a kiss there to ease the knot of tension in Baekhyun's voice. Baekhyun yawns and lets out a soft mewl.

"I'm... sorry," Myungsoo begins. He takes a deep breath, then continues, "I shouldn't have forced you to do that before. I... If I'd only known–"

Baekhyun shrugs. "Nah, it's fine. It's been years. I should be over it by now. It's just taking longer than it should." He laughs a little, swallowing against the press of Myungsoo's mouth on the base of his throat. He leans in to press a soft kiss to Myungsoo's forehead. "I guess college just made dealing with insecurities even more difficult? There were so many great people there, great talents. It felt as if everyone was better than me. It was tough, having to duke it out with... so many great people. Pretty demoralizing sometimes, actually. Art is so fucking subjective so you can't just tell your professor that his opinion is shit and that you sing better and have cleaner runs than the one who performed before you. I didn't like that. I was done with people bringing me down. And, well, Kyungsoo shifted to multimedia arts. So I thought, why not shift to design? At least you... have something to measure your output against. You have rules there. Turns out I was good at giving people exactly what they needed. It's a skill, knowing how to twist art and turn it into something objective. And… I guess destiny just sort of led me back to music after a while."

Kyungsoo. The name rings a bell. He remembers seeing Baekhyun text that guy, remembers seeing the same name flash on Baekhyun's screen the first time Baekhyun stayed the night in his place. "Kyungsoo is... the friend you share an apartment with, right?"

Baekhyun cocks an eyebrow at his, eyes narrowing as a small smile curls on his lips. "Don't tell me you're jealous of him, too."

"Not jealous. I just want to know who your friends are."

"You sound as if you'll punch them in the face if they so much as said 'hi' to me."

Myungsoo rolls his eyes. Jabs Baekhyun in the gut, too, just hard enough to earn a yelp from him. "Don't exaggerate. I'll just trip them when they get too close to you."

Baekhyun laughs, soft and almost faint, the vibrations sticking to Myungsoo's skin. "Nah, Kyungsoo wouldn't–" He shakes his head. Baekhyun has a habit of doing that, cutting his sentences just when he's about to reveal the meaning behind it, always, always, always keeping Myungsoo on the edge and wanting more. "I wouldn't touch Kyungsoo unless he asked me to," Baekhyun continues after a while. His voice trails off to a whisper as he buries his face in Myungsoo's hair.

Myungsoo takes a deep breath. "And did he, ever?" He sucks in his bottom lip, then adds, "ask you to, I mean."

Baekhyun pulls away just a little, enough that Myungsoo can look to his side and see Baekhyun's features without straining his eyes. The pale moonlight makes his skin glow, softens the hard angles of his jaw and the tension in his cheeks. The smile on his lips is soft, skewed to the right, and it makes him look a bit wistful. Almost as if he wants to take back what he'd just said rephrase it so that it sounds better. True. Real. Baekhyun is a glass canon right now, and the slightest touch can break him. So Myungsoo waits, taking deep breaths as he tries to decipher the message written on the pulse in Baekhyun's palms.

"He could've, but he didn't," Baekhyun answers after a while. He takes a deep breath, then says, "It doesn't matter anymore. The ship has long sailed. I thought he'd dropped anchor but–"

"He was on another ship," Myungsoo finishes. He rests his palm on Baekhyun's stomach, then pushes himself up until they're at eye level, until all that separates their swollen lips is a hitch of a breath. "And he's long set sail."

Baekhyun smiles. "That sounds so nice. When you put it that way, it doesn't sound so bad," he whispers, then leans in to leave a soft kiss on Myungsoo's lips. It sends a sizzle of heat down his abdomen, pulling him closer until he crashes into Baekhyun again. A shipwreck, that's what they are – two ships, lost at sea, one pulling the other safely to shore, the other urging the waves of the sea to guide them, carry them home. "Maybe you can looking into writing lyrics after your photography stint. You turn tragic stories into... something less tragic."

"I used to write songs back in college," Myungsoo murmurs. Baekhyun lips are chapped again, rough. This time, it's not Baekhyun's fault. He inches forward, then, licking along Baekhyun's bottom lip. "Haven't written one again in years."

"Then let me change that," Baekhyun answers. He catches Myungsoo's bottom lip between his teeth, then gives it a light suck. "Might as well finish what I– what we started, right?"

Myungsoo leans back and takes in the sight before him – Baekhyun looking up at him with bright eyes, a soft smile that bares his teeth, Baekhyun whispering his name in circles like taking a deep, deep breath. Bright red marks on Baekhyun's skin that scream 'mine' in a loud voice. Baekhyun's touch, soft and gentle on his hips, and Baekhyun urging him to move closer, to cover him with body, to share some warmth at the height of spring. Might was well finish what we started, right? Baekhyun's voice rings in his ears, so he leans in until the tips of their noses touch. "Only if you do it with me," he whispers, so soft he could've been breathing. But Baekhyun hears it, responds in the soft press of his lips against Myungsoo's own. They are writing the same song now, singing with their bodies and the slide of their mouths. The slow-forming smile on Baekhyun's lips is the chorus; the hitch of his breath, the bridge. The drumming of Baekhyun's fingers on his skin is the second vocals and the rhythmic heaving of their chests is the melody their voices blend with.

When they part, there's the faint sound of laughter bubbling on their lips. It doesn't quite match the tune in Myungsoo's head, but Myungsoo pushes that thought aside for now and just relishes the feeling of Baekhyun's soft laughter prickling his skin, scrawling words and lyrics on every part of him that Baekhyun has touched.

ミ☆

Myungsoo wakes up to the sound of Baekhyun's phone blasting an SNSD song at ass o' clock in the morning. At five in the morning, he corrects himself when he sees the time on Baekhyun's phone and refocuses his vision. The sun isn't fully up yet and the room is mostly clothed in darkness, but there's enough light spilling from the windows for Myungsoo to see the important things – their clothes are pooled at their feet, they're still naked on the floor, and Baekhyun's shivering a little beside him, inching even closer for warmth. So he reaches for the forgotten blanket and drapes it on Baekhyun, making sure that he's covered from head to toe. He runs his fingers through Baekhyun's hair, then, to the beat of the song blasting on Baekhyun's phone. His body is stick, stained with sweat from last night, and he feels gross, but the press of Baekhyun's warm body to his side feels too good to inch away from.

It's awfully noisy for five in the morning. He yawns, stretching his arms overhead until he can feel his bones crack. Two, three seconds, and then it clicks – Baekhyun's phone is still ringing.

He feels around for Baekhyun's phone until he finds it on the couch where he'd unknowingly put it earlier. He reaches for it, then, and draws it closer to his face in attempt to see things clearer. His vision has always been shitty at such an early hour, so he squints, trying to make out the characters on the screen. 'Kyungsoo', the name reads. It sounds familiar. If he racked his head hard enough, maybe he'd be able to retrieve a memory wrapped around that name.

A few more blinks. Wake the fuck up, he tells himself, as the memories start to form. Kyungsoo, that guy who drove the car that Baekhyun slipped into after they parted ways at the convenience store. Kyungsoo, the guy whose message thread is always second in Baekhyun's recent Line chats. Kyungsoo, the same guy whose name is glaring at Myungsoo through the phone's screen, jumping out at him until it can claw the fatigue out of Myungsoo's eyes. He clicks the green call button at once, finally coming to his senses.

"He...llo?"

Static on the other end of the line, then a low hum. It sounds human enough to maybe be this Kyungsoo guy who's calling. Maybe it's a prank caller who'd somehow gotten a hold of this Kyungsoo person's phone. In which case, he should be waking Baekhyun up and alerting him about a potential break in in their flat fifteen minutes away. Or maybe Kyungsoo just forgot why he was calling. Maybe he's still deciding between actually saying something or just dropping the call. Because that's what's important, right? The mere fact that the person you're calling picked up, opened up communication channels so you could talk? Still, he tries again, saying, "Hello?"

He's prepared to drop the call when the person on the other end of the line clears his throat. The dissonance catches him off-guard, making him jerk back. Beside him, Baekhyun groans but buries his nose in Myungsoo's side. "This... isn't Baekhyun, is it?" the man says. A sniffle, and then, "Who are you?"

Phone etiquette dictates that the caller introduce himself first, but this is understandable. He's taking a call for a sleeping Baekhyun and he hasn't exactly talked to Kyungsoo yet. He doesn't know anything about him beyond the figure he'd seen in the car, or the man Baekhyun mentioned last night, the same guy who could've stopped them from meeting four, five months ago in the SM building had things gone differently between them back in college. So he gulps hard, swallows the last dregs of apprehension and introduces himself. "I'm Kim Myungsoo, a friend of Baekhyun's. From SM." He scratches behind his ear. The man hums again. It sounds lighter this time. "Who is this?"

"Ah, I thought he'd be there," the man says. A loud exhale, then, "This is Kyungsoo, as the name on the contact card probably says. Is Baekhyun alright?"

Myungsoo bolts up at the confirmation, snaps his spine straight and sits upright. So this is how Kyungsoo sounds. His voice is low, steady, seemingly empty at the first listen but actually peppered with tiny lilts and wicked curls at the second. Or third. Kyungsoo has a nice, soothing tone that would probably sound good with an accompaniment just as mellow. Piano, maybe. He'd sound great singing with a guitar background, but the piano suits his voice better.

He takes a deep breath. Baekhyun would probably sound good singing with him.

Something burns at the pit of his stomach, much like a lurching sensation that makes his insides turn. It doesn't feel like the funny tumble his tummy does when Baekhyun smiles his way or touches him with his cold fingers but warm palms. It leaves his chest feeling tight and his throat running dry.

"Hello? How's Baekhyun doing?" Kyungsoo asks again.

Myungsoo looks to his side. The easiest answer is this – Baekhyun is naked and curled up against him, but he looks pretty warm and cozy in his position. His hair sticks to his face and there's a smidgen of drool at the corners of his lips. And he's letting out these tiny hiccups, dissonance in his rhythmic snoring. Even with the first shy rays of the sun just barely illuminating his features, he looks beautiful. Breath-taking.

"He's asleep," Myungsoo answers after a while. He traces the curve of Baekhyun's cheek with his fingers and brushes the stray strands of hair away from his face. Baekhyun makes this loud snoring noise, and Myungsoo jerks back in surprise. Then he laughs a little. "Yeah, definitely asleep."

"Sounds like it," says Kyungsoo on the other end of the line. There's the sound of tapping – pen on the table? His feet? Teeth clicking against each other? It could be anything. Myungsoo's no expert at discerning sounds. He specializes in studying people's actions, waiting for the perfect opportunity to snap a photo. And he doesn't know Kyungsoo yet. The sound comes to a halt, then Kyungsoo speaks again. "He... has an 11 a.m. practice at SM. Did he drink a lot?"

Not much. Just a few cans of beer and a couple of shots of soju. The three of them finished just two bottles last night instead of their usual three or four. They were getting older. Their tolerance was sort of getting shittier. Or maybe it was just life's way of telling them to slow down because their liver can't catch up anymore. It wasn't alcohol that shot down Baekhyun's control over his limbs; it was fatigue. And it wasn't alcohol at work when Baekhyun backed Myungsoo against the wall last night and marked the expanse of his chest with bright red scars that still sting a little until now. That was desire that he'd kept at bay for so long taking root in his body.

"Not much. And I'll make sure to wake him up at seven," he tells Kyungsoo. He stretches out his legs. Blood rushes to his feet faster than he'd like. It makes him shiver. "I'm sorry, he really wanted to go home last night but he was so sound asleep in the cab and–"

"It's alright. He texted," Kyungsoo says. If conversations with a slightly inebriated Baekhyun are anything to go by then he probably would have said, can't drag my ass to the house anymore, kyungsoo, gonna crash @ soo's bec his place is nearer O WOW UR BOTH SOO'S. He laughs a little at the thought, but presses the back of his hand to his lips when he hears the loud sound.

Then it catches up to him, memories of last night's conversation – Baekhyun hiding his pretty smile before his hand for fear of getting bullied around, Baekhyun suppressing the beautiful sound of his voice just so he could stay out of trouble. Kyungsoo being one of the few people who'd accepted him with open arms, silly smile and all. And Baekhyun trying his best to give Myungsoo a bright, sunny smile despite everything he's gone through, despite the ghosts of his past haunting him everytime he attempts to tug up the corners of his lips a little harder.

"I'm actually glad he crashed at your place," Kyungsoo adds. Tapping on the other side of the line again. It almost sounds as if Kyungsoo's going through a grocery list of things he wants to ask Myungsoo – what are your intentions towards my friend? What have you done to him? Why didn't you just wake him up to make him take the call? Why are you still on the line, knowing what you found out last night? "I take it you're going back to Gangnam with him? Before 11?"

Myungsoo nods, forgetting for a moment that Kyungsoo can't see him. So he says into the receiver, "I will. I promised Sunggyu-hyung I'd get him there on time," voice firm and resolute. "I'll... let him know that you called."

"And you'll let me know when you get to SM."

"That, too," Myungsoo adds. Baekhyun shifts again, resting his head on Myungsoo's thigh this time. His eyelashes flutter and he's letting out tiny puffs of air, like a dragon raring to breathe out fire. A tiny dragon. A tiny, seemingly harmless dragon that might just be life's most lethal weapon against Myungsoo, breaking down his walls chip by chip, one by one. "I'll save your number on my phone. Later. After the call."

"Thanks," is all that Kyungsoo says. Myungsoo parts his lips to speak again, but all that answers him is the dial tone and a thick sheet of static in the sound.

Around ten minutes 'til half past five in the morning. He should freshen up, get started on cooking breakfast after. Knowing Baekhyun, it will be ten times harder to get anything done in the kitchen with him around. He might even screw up the stew by accidentally adding too much soy sauce when Baekhyun traps him against the counter, kisses him until he can taste nothing, no one else but Baekhyun in his tongue.

He emerges from the showers fifteen minutes after, a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair is still cold and wet from the shower, and with the air conditioning turned up high stepping into the living room feels like walking into a life-sized freezer without anything but a light cardigan on. Baekhyun's already sitting up, though, back rested against the foot of the couch. His hair is sticking up in several different directions and he's rubbing his eyes. His skin is riddled with goosepimples, but still flushed a light shade of pink. There's a line of hair at the base of his torso, trailing south where it disappears behind the blanket.

Baekhyun looks up at him with sleep-laden eyes and a small smile on his lips. "Good morning," he whispers. It sounds like a tiny mewl evolving into a yawn. Myungsoo's chest feels so heavy and tight and his heart is racing in his chest again. It's choking down the words lodged in his throat, pushing down everything he wants to say and, instead, leaving him gasping for air at the sight of Baekhyun.

The blankets slide further down his torso as he shifts. Myungsoo follows the path it takes, settling on the gentle swell in the white cloth before lifting his gaze back up to meet Baekhyun's eyes. But Baekhyun's distracted, eyes tracing the stretch of Myungsoo's torso and settling on his hips where the towel is loosely tied. "Cat got your tongue?"

Myungsoo laughs a little. He shakes his head. "If you're going to stay there, then nope," he teases as he saunters forward, swaying from side to side. He stops just a few inches away from Baekhyun before sinking to his knees and cupping Baekhyun's cheeks with his hands. He keeps a safe distance between them, though, three inches between their knees, six inches between their chests. The thin airspace keeping their warm mouths apart. "Man, you stink."

Baekhyun groans. "That's not a nice morning greeting," he grumbles, but the smile on his lips isn't lying. His hands aren't, either, slowly sliding up Myungsoo's bare chest until they can rest on his shoulders. His hands are too warm. His wicked grin is sizzling hot. "I'm offended."

Baekhyun licks his lips. Myungsoo shakes his head. If there's anyone between them who's supposed to feel 'attacked', it's him, not Baekhyun. Still, he apologizes in the best way he knows, pressing even closer until he can feel the rough brush of Baekhyun's lips against his. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," he whispers, then places a soft kiss to the corner of Baekhyun's mouth. Slowly, he slides his cold hands down Baekhyun's sides, guiding Baekhyun to his feet. Baekhyun shivers when the blankets fall to his feet, leaving him exposed. His skin glows a light shade of pink. And Myungsoo can see it clearer now, the faint trail of hair leading to Baekhyun's groin, the tiny moles forming a strange figure on his pelvis "But I'll have to take you to the showers and get you wet in the most wholesome way possible."

Baekhyun snorts, quickly pressing the back of his hand to his lips, but soon he's dropping his hand to his side and twisting his mouth in an attempt to contain his laughter. "You're no fun," he mumbles, but lets Myungsoo drag him to the showers, anyway.

They make a mess of the path to the bathroom, backing each other up against the wall and kissing each other all over. It feels like college, or even high school when Myungsoo didn't feel the need to be so damn careful about everything single thing. It's just the two of them here, the thick steam on the glass doors of the showers shielding them from the world. He can't hear anything beyond the sound of water rushing to their feet, beyond the slide of their bodies and the tiny, pretty gasps spilling from Baekhyun's lips. Myungsoo swallows them all down – Baekhyun's soft laughter, the way he chants Myungsoo Myungsoo Myungsoo– like it's the only word he knows – in the open press of his mouth when they kiss. And Baekhyun's soft humming gets trapped in the crook of his neck as they stay soaked in the showers, as Baekhyun relishes the last few hours until they have to step out of Myungsoo's flat and into the light of the day, back to reality.

ミ☆

They travel to little Sokcho-si for the summer shoot. It's a nine-hour drive from Seoul, nine long hours stuck in the same van and with the same person on either side of you. Sehun's in front of him, head tilted back and lips parted just slightly. There's a smidgen of drool on the corners of his mouth. that may or may not be bothering Sunggyu who's just beside him. Sunggyu's looking over Myungsoo's shoulder, phone lying face down on his thigh after they lost signal three hours ago, when the mountains started crowding in on them. Then there's Jongin on Myungsoo's left, forehead rested on Myungsoo's shoulder and his DS still open, blasting Fire Emblem music from its speakers. He's been waking up every ten minutes to try resuming his game, but the long drive makes it so easy to fall back into a peaceful slumber. It makes Jongin holding onto Myungsoo's arm like a bolster understandable, as well.

"He's gonna drool on you," Sunggyu whispers. A few seats away, Tiffany looks up and laughs a little, then snaps a picture of Jongin. "I'm serious, Jongin is cute when he sleeps but then he starts drooling on people's shoulders and it's–"

"He's a kid, hyung," Myungsoo replies. Jongin snuggles even closer and lets out a mewl on contentment. "Give it a rest."

"Don't blame me for your sore muscles and wet polo later," Sunggyu tells him, laughing a little. He sucks in his bottom lip, then says, "I have an anaesthetic with me, just in case."

"Thanks, hyung," Myungsoo answers. He laughs a little. Sunggyu narrows his eyes at him for a moment, then he's back to looking at the scenery just beyond the window. On the other side of him, something shifts, dead weight slowly being lifted from his arm then settling back in in a blink of an eye.

He turns to look to his right, wiggling his hand free from where Baekhyun has crushed it under his weight. Baekhyun had fallen asleep beside him an hour ago, once the sight of mountains had ceased being refreshing and foreign to people who have been living in the city for far too long. Baekhyun had just tucked his chin then, hung his head low, and the next thing Myungsoo knew Baekhyun was snoring beside him. Baekhyun could have easily just leaned his head on Myungsoo's shoulder, but they both knew where that would lead – their hands finding their way to each other, fingers finding a nice fit in the slide of their palms. Baekhyun drumming his fingers on Myungsoo's thigh and tracing dizzying circles on it. Baekhyun teasing him through his clothes, ghosting the nail of his thumb too close to his crotch. Then once they got down from the van, Myungsoo would have to find a place where he could just calm himself down, get off, or a place void of watchful eyes where he can pin Baekhyun to the wall and kiss him senseless until he could taste Baekhyun's make up on his tongue.

So they kept their hands to themselves, tried not to touch each other, tried not to sneak in kisses. But Baekhyun's head is lolling forward now, so Myungsoo rests his palm on Baekhyun's cheek and guides Baekhyun closer to him until he can bury his face in the crook of Myungsoo's shoulder.

Sunggyu's gaze flickers for a moment, and then he's marveling at the scenery again, even taking pictures of the moving picture over Myungsoo's shoulder. It's a series of clicks, one after another, as if Sunggyu's trying to create an animation of the scene unfolding beyond the walls of the van. Or maybe he's recording this moment, the way Baekhyun just fits in Myungsoo's frame, so he can study it more carefully in the days, months to come. So he'll know exactly when to break them off and when to just let them be.

"He moves around a lot," Sunggyu mumbles after a while, once he's done taking photos. Myungsoo blinks, refocusing his vision so he can see the image on Sunggyu's display clearer. Sunggyu locks his screen too quickly, though, the colors of the picture fading into a thick sheet of black. "Even in his sleep. I'm surprised he's not moving much now."

Myungsoo laughs. "Maybe he's finally behaving. The SM idol training's finally paying off."

What he means to say is, there are ways to keep Baekhyun still while sleeping. One is to keep your arms draped over him and to pull him close to your chest. You'll wake up with sore limbs, but waking up to Baekhyun's sleeping face is almost worth it. Another is to keep rubbing soothing circles on his waist, like lulling a child to sleep after having cried for hours on end. And then Baekhyun's favorite – to keep running your thumb up and down his nape, your warm palm pressed to the side of his neck as if cradling him softly, gently.

Baekhyun mumbles something against Myungsoo's shirt. Myungsoo runs his fingers through Baekhyun's hair, then draws lazy patterns on Baekhyun's nape with his nail. He doesn't stop until he feels Baekhyun's weight gives away in his side again, Baekhyun's fitful snores muffled in the crook of Myungsoo's neck.

When Myungsoo looks up, Sunggyu is still watching them. His lips are pressed together, one corner tugged up in a small smile and the other pulling down. It's a weird, wistful push and pull. It's almost as if Sunggyu wants to say something but there are people around them, strangers who know nothing about what happens after Myungsoo calls 'it's a wrap!'. What happens in a makgeolli bar once Sunggyu has already had too much to drink. What happens in a cab when there's nothing but darkness pulling Baekhyun and Myungsoo together and keeping them apart. Sunggyu's fumbling with his phone like he's contemplating just texting Myungsoo whatever he wants to say, and it's silly. It shouldn't be a sin to talk about liking people out in the open.

But Baekhyun is an idol. And idols must be what the fans want them to be. It's sickening, the mold they have to be subjected to just to make it big in the industry. It makes Myungsoo's insides turn.

"Are we there yet?" comes Baekhyun's question out of the blue. His voice is thick with sleep and lethargy. And he's looking up at Myungsoo with the brightest smile in his eyes and a shy upward curl on his lips. "How long have we been on the road?"

Baekhyun means, how much longer 'til we have to keep holding back? The answer is forever. Myungsoo doesn't say that. Instead, he answers, "Seven, eight hours? We should be there in an hour or so."

"In an hour," Baekhyun repeats. He sucks in his bottom lip. Myungsoo's hold on Baekhyun's nape softens, his fingers trembling. "I can wait."

"Good boy," Myungsoo whispers, then gives in to the urge to bury his face in Baekhyun's hair. He smells like spring mornings and strawberry. He's a breath of fresh air after being trapped in the darkness for so long.

They get straight to business when they arrive at Sokcho-si. They won't be needing studio lights yet, with the sun up high like this, but Jongin and Sehun carry around the reflector with them, anyway, as they snap photographs along the shore. The place looked a bit lonely in the photos taken during the ocular inspection, if not really sad, but today the sky is a nice, bright blue. The sand sparkles in the heat of the sun, but still feels cool on their feet. And the sea is calm. The winds play with the surface every so often, but for the most part the boats at sea are just swaying to an easy beat.

Baekhyun blows at his bangs and removes his sunglasses. Tiffany rushes to his side, retouching his make up on the bridge of his nose. Then the wind blows, tousling Baekhyun hair and messing it up a little. Myungsoo can hear Jinri complaining a few feet away, but all the noises around him are drowned by the sound of the waves when Baekhyun meets him in the eye and smiles a little. He looks pretty like this, with his lightly styled hair falling to his face, softening the sharp planes of his cheeks.

"What," Baekhyun says. He kicks at Myungsoo's feet. Myungsoo's first reaction is to cover his lens with his palm; his second, to laugh at how Baekhyun is scrunching his nose. "What, this isn't funny! Jinri's going to add more spray net to my hair. When I start sweating, the thing will get into my eyes–"

"And you'd be grimacing in the pictures. Groaning. Doing that face of yours." He purses his lips and nods in Baekhyun's direction. "The hardcore fans would probably want to see that, though. You already have fansites, right? I can imagine the captions now – 'Baekhyunnie-oppa flicking sweat out of his eyes. Ah, so handsome!'" He sounds hilarious when he thins his voice like that, high and screechy at the back of his throat, but it makes Baekhyun smile. It's worth the trouble.

He switches his camera on and tilts the lens in the direction of Baekhyun's face. Switches the mode to Program, as well. The settings are probably way off but there's no time to test exposures when he's trying to capture emotions as raw as this, when Baekhyun's shaking his head and trying hard not to laugh and not hitting him on the arm just yet, so he just snaps – one shot after another, until the smile on Baekhyun's lips turns into a look of disbelief.

"You– You–" Baekhyun hits him on the arm once, twice, thrice, and then he's slapping him on the chest. "I told you, I hate it when you take pictures of me when I'm not prepared–"

But you look best in your unguarded moments, he wants to answer. He doesn't. Instead, he says "These are just test shots!" in defense, hugging his camera close to his chest when Baekhyun doesn't stop hitting him. He can see Sunggyu watching them out of the corner of his eye, can see Jinri just shaking her head and laughing, can see Tiffany holding her phone up and maybe snapping a picture of them or the body of water just beyond their bodies. It's hard to tell. There are more important things to pay attention to than two men running on the sand, trying to get even at each other while trying not to get sand and water in their eyes. They're not the only thing that matters here. And they should be working. They aren't leaving the province until the following day, two in the afternoon, but if they want to stay on track then they should get to working on the shots now.

Sunggyu steps in and Baekhyun hits him on accident. He cocks an eyebrow – at Baekhyun, for the hard slap on his arm, then at Myungsoo for not doing his job, not doing his part of the deal. "I'm going to twist your nipples if you two don't stop playing," he says through gritted teeth, as if it was a real threat. It isn't. He's still smiling, albeit stiff at the corners. And cheeks are tense, tight. It reaches his eyes and pulls too hard at where his eyes crinkle. Sunggyu looks like one of those idol masks SM asks their trainees to wear. Yet beneath the mask is the same old Sunggyu who he's known for years, the same man who'll do everything to get him out of trouble the moment he finds out that Myungsoo is in imminent danger. Myungsoo taunts him even more until Sunggyu's gripping him by his wrist and inches away from doing exactly what he said he'd do if any of them tried to ruin their shooting schedule.

And then Myungsoo leans in a little, pinching Sunggyu's nose. He pulls away just before Sunggyu resurfaces with a vengeful smile and a battle cry that sounds a lot like, "I will make you pay for this!" He runs backwards, camera pressed to his face as he takes pictures of Sunggyu running after him, of Sehun and Jongin shaking their heads in the background. Of Baekhyun a few feet away, smiling that impossible smile of his, lips falling open into a wicked grin.

He takes two, three photos of that one pose until Baekhyun's eyes find the camera. Then Baekhyun's pouting at him – snap – sticking out his tongue at him – snap – offering him a tight-lipped smile that soon blooms into soft laughter as he bares his teeth again for the camera. For Myungsoo.

They finish shooting the dry takes in a little under three hours. They move to the far end of the beach, then, closer to the waters, for the next few shots. By then, the sun isn't shining as brightly anymore, but the lighting is still pretty ideal for a summer concept. They're losing a bit of the white light, so Myungsoo instructs Sehun and Jongin to lay the sheet of blue gel on a reflector and a thin yellow cellophane sheet on another. It takes two extra pairs of hands to fix the lighting – Sunggyu with another blue gel reflector, and Jinri with just a clean sheet of white board. There's always an option to use a soft box, but there's a specific kind of effect that Myungsoo is gunning for, a certain kind of lighting that can bring out the glimmer in Baekhyun's eyes even more. Catch light on his irises to blind anyone who looked at his images. Another trick to making people fall in love.

"Tilt your head up a little," Myungsoo says, then holds Baekhyun by the chin to guide him to the desired position. Jongin shifts a little and tilts the reflector up, seeming to get it, and– "Ah, there you go," Myungsoo whispers, smiling as he traces the soft edges of the diffused light on Baekhyun's skin. There's still enough contrast between the midtones and the highlights, but it's much softer now. Shadows no longer make Baekhyun's features look too sharp. It's perfect for the summer track where Baekhyun is supposed to be inviting people to plunge into the waters with him, perfect for where the song hits the bridge and Baekhyun makes his pulling motion towards the camera and just reels people in, urges them to come closer, just a little more–

He feels Baekhyun's muscles shift against the pads of his fingers, hears the faint gasp that slips Baekhyun's lips. He pulls away with a tiny jerk of the body and drops his hand to the body of his camera, gripping it tight. None of it takes more than three, five seconds, but it feels as if he's been out in the sun a bit too long, long enough that he can feel himself sinking deeper into the loose sand. Long enough for five, six pairs of eyes watching them to feel more like going through an examination and coming out of it skinned alive. And he feels like shrinking to a speck of dust in the sand, feels like disappearing because if someone caught that tiny crack in his features, if someone caught the subtle upward tug on his lips or the hitching in Baekhyun's breath or that faint, faint, Myung...soo? then they're in deep trouble.

Sunggyu wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his palm. Myungsoo takes another step back and tries to refocus his vision, disguises fear in him double-checking the lighting one last time. "I lost you, hyung," he tells Sunggyu when he notices the hard shadows in the dip of Baekhyun's collarbones. "I lost your light. Bring the reflector up a bit."

Sunggyu looks up to meet his gaze, focused and meaningful. This is the warning, the gun shot, the signal that there might not have been five pairs of eyes who'd caught them, but there is one that did, and that's Sunggyu's. The light cock of the eyebrow means, I'll talk to you later; the way he grips the reflector is saying, but you're supposed to know this already, Myungsoo. Get your shit together. Fucking get your shit together. One last blink of an eye, and then they're back. Sunggyu fixes the way he's holding the reflector. Myungsoo signals, "Ready, now, on 3... 2..." Then Baekhyun waltzing on his own on the sand and everyone else is holding their breaths as Myungsoo takes a picture of Baekhyun's hair dancing to the movement of his body, of Baekhyun's hands, his slender fingers that wrap around his wrists nicely, the sunlight catching on the corners of his lips and lighting up the rest of his features.

He keeps his face pressed close to the body of the camera, using it as his first line of defense for when Baekhyun turns to him with a bright smile. And Baekhyun uses this shoot as his wall, something to lean against when he feels his resolve crumbling, when Sunggyu looks at either of them to remind them that, 'Baekhyun's an idol. We're months away from his debut. You know that, right? You do know what you're supposed to do, right, Myungsoo?'

He does. The heart is just stubborn when it doesn't get what it wants.

ミ☆

"Three pictures," Sunggyu says, voice cracking between syllables. "Three goddamned pictures taken on three different occasions. How– No, why would they have something like this?"

Myungsoo takes a deep breath and blinks a few times. When Sunggyu summoned him earlier, knocking on his door four times instead of his usual three, he hadn't expected this – the once calm, collected expression on Sunggyu's features dissolving into a dark, somber look, Sunggyu's eyebrows now furrowed in a tight knot. Sunggyu clenching and unclenching and clenching his fists again until his knuckles turn a pale shade of flesh. Baekhyun sitting on the foot of the bed, legs pressed together the way his lips are pressed so thinly against his each other. Baekhyun peeking at Sunggyu through his bangs, completely silent for the first time in a long while.

"Explain this," Sunggyu demands. He hands his phone to Myungsoo, the display set to maximum brightness. It's too close to his face, the details too blown up, so Myungsoo leans back a little, inches away. Squints his eyes until he can adjust to the new brand of light. The photos are mostly dim, not the most well-lit of shots, but there's no denying the identity of the people in the pictures – Baekhyun on the left, Myungsoo on the right. A picture of them holding onto each other by the pads of their fingers, then another of Myungsoo grabbing Baekhyun's hand, caught in the act of stuffing their intertwined hands in Myungsoo's coat. And then the finale – Baekhyun's hands fisted in Myungsoo's coat, their faces merely two, three inches apart.

Myungsoo gulps hard. He looks up, parting his lips, but nothing comes out. His chest feels too tight; his throat, too dry. His mouth tastes like blood and metal and acid. His stomach lurches. And Baekhyun's gaze hasn't waned yet, still trained on Sunggyu's back, watching his every move. It's almost as if Baekhyun's waiting for the right time to speak, waiting for the right moment to explain himself. To explain them. But what else is there to explain? They were caught on film. The photos have been uploaded online. It's nine in the evening. If Sunggyu doesn't act quickly then these traces of evidence will reach news outlets at nine in the morning and will be released for public consumption. And then they'll be watching Baekhyun's career be whittled down to a sliver of hope, a thin, thin string before SM cuts ties with Baekhyun completely. It took Baekhyun months to earn the management's trust, to prove to them that they made the right decision making him debut ahead of Jongdae. And now it will take less than twenty-four hours to watch everything crumble in front of him.

"I'm sorry," Myungsoo whispers. Sunggyu moves closer to him. Slowly, he looks up and meets Sunggyu's gaze. He quickly regrets it when he sees the knot of Sunggyu's eyebrows, now tighter than before. "I'm sorry, hyung. It's– I didn't think–"

"I trusted you," Sunggyu begins, then takes a deep breath. He gives Myungsoo a long look, a careful gaze, as if he's measuring the exact amount of disappointment he should let Myungsoo see in his features, hear in his words. Myungsoo bites the inside of his cheek in thoughtless response. "And I trusted you, too," Sunggyu continues, turning to look at Baekhyun. "I can take one picture, Baekhyun. One is okay. The two of you holding hands is fine. We see idols do that. Fanservice, the bread and butter of all entertainment agencies. But three? Different locations, different instances? What are you two, stupid?"

"Hyung, there's no use pointing fingers now–"

"I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, Myungsoo," Sunggyu says through gritted teeth. "I'm not pointing fingers at anyone but myself."

Myungsoo leans back a little, gulping hard. Baekhyun looks up, his bangs fall to the sides of his forehead. He can see Baekhyun better now, without the shadows on his face shielding his eyes from Myungsoo's view, and he feels his chest constrict. The dark circles under his eyes have gotten worse without make up to help conceal them, and he looks... tired. Drained. Defeated. It's as if he's spent a lifetime defending himself and fighting villains only to fall prey to his own weaknesses in the very end. But Sunggyu looks just as weary. Together, they look like fallen soldiers who have just lost the war; apart, they look like lost soldiers whose leader has just fallen, no sense of direction nor purpose.

He takes a deep breath and takes the phone from Sunggyu's hands again, gives the pictures another look. Maybe they can make it seem like an angular play, a tried and tested photography trick. Fansite photographers do that a lot when they want to their favorite idols to look as if they're pressed so close to each other when, in fact, there's a good six inches between them. Maybe there's a way to get out of this mess, to turn things around. Or maybe this is all just a dream. They've been exposed to the sun for far too long this afternoon; maybe that screwed up their system, made them see hallucinations. Maybe–

"I'm sorry," Sunggyu blurts out. He shakes his head and shuts his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. "I didn't think it would come to this. I mean, I was happy to see you two getting along, getting really close. This is the happiest I've seen you in years, Soo. Baekhyun was doing so well with practice and his lessons, too, and his performance was top-notch but–" His shoulders slump forward even as he leans back against the wall, head thrown back. "Maybe I should have been more careful, should've watched you two closer. I saw the signs, it wasn't too hard, but everything was happening too fast that, the next thing I knew, you two were getting too close to each other already and it was too late–"

"You didn't fall short on the warnings, hyung. You did everything you could," Myungsoo retorts. He inches closer, reaching out to rest his hand on Sunggyu's shoulder, but flinches back when Sunggyu addresses him with a sharp gaze. "So please, don't–"

"We're all to blame, hyung," Baekhyun whispers. He stands from his seat, knees giving away a little before he's able to steady himself. Myungsoo wants to reach out, but he knows better than to make a repeat of his mistakes. Not now while the wounds are still fresh, not with a problem left unresolved. "Maybe you trusted us too much, trusted us to do the right thing. Maybe Myungsoo got a bit too carried away sometimes. Maybe we all just... thought things would work out. Wishful thinking, y'know? But–" He scratches his nape, twists his mouth, sucks in his bottom lip. "What's done is done. I knew very well what I was getting into and I should've been more careful. I'm debuting in three months. Three fucking months. You'd think that after everything–" Baekhyun scoffs, laughs at himself. It comes out like a wheeze, or choked coughs. He shakes his head. "Whatever. Three months. That means I– We have three months to fix this and get back on track."

Myungsoo worries his bottom lip for a while. Three months should be enough time for them to clean up the mess, but media doesn't forget so easily. People don't forget things like this in a blink of an eye just because proof has disappeared from the digital space. This kind of issue with follow Baekhyun around forever, haunt him as long as the stage lights shine upon him and the platform lifts him off the ground. And he may take the secret to his grave but there will always be that one other person, a passerby or maybe one of their acquaintances, who'll remember bits and pieces of this issue – Baekhyun and Myungsoo's intertwined hands, their fit of their bodies, the very little space between their faces, their lips.

There's a thick blanket of silence for a moment, broken only when Sunggyu takes a deep breath, inhaling sharply and noisily through his nose. He pushes himself away from the wall, inching closer to where Baekhyun is. Then he plops right beside him, the cushion sinking beneath their combined weight. Baekhyun doesn't budge, only looks to his side once Sunggyu gets settled, then looks up at Myungsoo. His lips are slightly parted, as if he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. The message remains there, at the tip of his tongue, waiting for a clumsy enunciation. So Myungsoo walks over, trying to read Baekhyun better, digging through his catalogue of Baekhyun's expressions in his mind. None of them match this not as vacant but still lost expression in Baekhyun's features, his unfocused eyes, the wicked push and pull at the corners of his lips pulling one corner up and the other down.

"C'mere," Sunggyu says, gesturing for Myungsoo to come over. Slowly, he inches away from Baekhyun, making space for Myungsoo between them and patting the space in between. "Come on, we're in this together, all three of us. We'll fix this shit. We'll… find a way."

Familiar words, Myungsoo muses as he settles on the empty space between the two. Baekhyun snaps to his side almost automatically, like polar opposites being drawn to each other. He rests his head on Myungsoo's shoulder. Their fingers barely touch, but the slightest contact is electric, sending a sizzle of heat up Myungsoo's spine and wrapping around his neck, making him shiver. Baekhyun taps a light beat on his own thigh, each two seconds apart, as if counting down to something, waiting for something. It could be anything – words of forgiveness from Sunggyu, a call from SM. Words of assurance from Myungsoo or any form of comfort that doesn't involve them touching or looking at each other in the eye long enough to see each other reflected in their eyes. So Myungsoo says, "I have a friend who can probably help us track down the source, find where the pictures went live first." Just so they can keep the images from spreading because Lord knows how fast news spreads in the digital space.

Sunggyu nods in acknowledgement and looks away, to his side. He turns his body away from the them. It's almost as if he's saying, okay, go on, do whatever you want. But once you step out of this room, out of this hotel where everyone can see you, you have to remember the golden rule. Myungsoo repeats Sunggyu's words in his head: no touching in public, no stares lingering more than five seconds. No smiles too soft that other people can see right through you. No moment of weakness. Myungsoo closes his eyes, then, and tilts his head, pressing a soft kiss to Baekhyun's forehead. That's when he starts counting: one, Baekhyun's breath hitches. Two, he looks up, meeting Myungsoo in the eye. Three, they meet halfway for a light brush of the lips. Four, they pull away. Five, they're sitting upright again like the good SM employees that they are and Baekhyun's piecing himself again from when he'd picked himself apart earlier. And then Sunggyu's looking back at them with a practiced smile, tight at the corners, the display of his phone blinking on and off every other second.

"I'll have to take this," he says, then slips outside the room. When the door shuts behind Sunggyu, the soft 'click' resounding in their ears, Baekhyun only reaches over to let their fingers touch. Nothing more.

ミ☆

Sunggyu doesn't return to the room that night. Or he does, except he never really steps inside, just asks for Myungsoo's keys to his own room and whispers, "I'll be there if you need me. In the mean time–" In the mean time, let this apology suffice, that's what Sunggyu means to say, but instead he simply pressed his lips together, looked at Myungsoo in the eye and lets out a loud exhale. Somehow, it's enough, two people acknowledging each other's faults, friends who are telling each other that hey, we're in this together. There's no backing out from this. We'll get through this test hand in hand. It's enough to still the storm in Myungsoo's stomach, to ease the knot in his chest a little and lift the tension from his shoulders. Sunggyu pulled away with an easy smile, just a light tug at the corners, and turned on his heel. And the Myungsoo's watching him walk away again, his footsteps fading out into the thick sheet of silence enveloping them.

Baekhyun emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His chest glistens with a thin sheet of water, droplets tracing the curve of his body. The soft yellow light softens his features, breathes color into his otherwise pale face. And his lips are parted to a tiny 'o', just enough for Myungsoo to make out the gentle swell of his lips, the soft pillow of his mouth. He looks beautiful despite the mess that is his hair sticking up in several different directions. And he looks pliant, shoulders relaxed but not quite slumped forward. He had all his walls up earlier, barriers as thick as the distance between them, too hard to permeate and break into. So Myungsoo waited until Baekhyun reached out, until Baekhyun slipped his fingers between Myungsoo's own and rubbed slow circles on his skin with his thumb. Until Baekhyun could breathe again and whisper stupid, stupid, stupid, like a mantra, a constant reminder of his mistakes, a nasty scar on his cheek that will haunt him forever.

Myungsoo takes a deep breath as he takes in the sight. Baekhyun sucks in his bottom lip. "Hyung left again? he asks, not inching closer.

"He took my keys," Myungsoo answers. He digs his hands in his back pockets. "Said he'll be there if we need anything so–"

Baekhyun puffs his chest out for a bit, then he's letting out a loud exhale. "So it's just... the two of us here."

Five words. Three feet between them. One last chance to be with each other without watchful eyes following them. Both of them just a touch, a decision away.

Myungsoo gulps hard and grabs the towel Baekhyun had given him earlier, clutching it close to his chest. It's eleven in the evening. He's already contacted his friend and the pictures were already taken down. Sunggyu has already spoken with the management and media. They've already done everything they can do to prevent further damage, to allow themselves time to rest this evening so they can wake up refreshed and ready to tackle the last few scenes for the summer shoot. And Baekhyun is fresh from the shower and he looking at him, watching him, head tilted to the side as he gives the nail of his pinky gentle nips. One corner of his lips is pulled up into a small smile; the other, quirked in wonder, resisting and wanting in equal parts. Myungsoo knows better than to go back to four, five months ago, replay everything that went wrong only for the two of them to stumble back into hellhole that they've dug out for themselves. They've already gone through so much trouble just trying to keep this thing alive and yet here he is, still thinking of kissing that uncertain smile on Baekhyun's lips away.

And Sunggyu had retreated to Myungsoo's room earlier to leave them alone in the room he's supposed to be sharing with Baekhyun. And he'd let Sunggyu shut the door behind himself, knowing that there are lot of things that can happen behind these closed doors. And he still hasn't left. He's still staring at Baekhyun and watching the droplets of water descend down his body and paint his skin a trail of a shiver.

"I'll be back," he whispers, then drops his gaze to his feet. He doesn't look up even when he passes by Baekhyun, Baekhyun's eyes following him like a ray of light. "Will you... still be up?"

Baekhyun nods. "I'll wait for you."

Myungsoo responds with a curt nod, then slips inside the bathroom. The sound of the waters rushing to his feet is loud enough to drown out the loud thumping in his chest.

He doesn't emerge from the showers until ten minutes after, a thick sheet of smoke enveloping the bathroom and blurring everything in sight. He slips outside, then, body shaking as soon as the cool air hits him. The room feels so small all of a sudden, where it had seemed too big with the silence so thick in the air earlier. Baekhyun's in bed now, clad in a bathrobe that slides off his shoulders and exposes his pale skin. And his eyelashes are fluttering fast, like he's trying to blink away the fatigue that has settled on them. "Hey," Baekhyun greets him, his smile soft at the corners, then slips off of the comforters, pushing them further down until they reveal the expanse of his flesh. Goosepimples crawl up his skin, creating tiny bumps, but Myungsoo moves forward so he can smoothen them, run his hands all over Baekhyun's skin and keep him warm.

He climbs onto the bed and straddles Baekhyun, his knees on either side of the latter. Baekhyun leans back, sinking into the pillows, head thrown back to expose the column of his neck. There's still a stray droplet there, water from his mostly cool hair, so Myungsoo leans in to lick it off, laves his tongue on it in tiny swirls until Baekhyun's shivering at the contact. And Baekhyun gasps, knuckles shaking where they're bumping against Myungsoo's skin.

"Hi," he whispers when he pulls away. Baekhyun sticks out his tongue at him and grips him by the waist, pulling him closer so that he's sitting on Baekhyun's thighs. He can feel the warmth between Baekhyun's legs, can feel shivers crawl down his spine when his dick brushes Baekhyun's stomach. Baekhyun rolls his hips, then, just an easy jerk enough to make the sizzling heat at the pit of Myungsoo's stomach roar to life. His grip on Baekhyun's shoulders tightens. No marks, he reminds himself, because these scars will remain with them tomorrow, long after they've willed them to fade. The blooming mark on the base of Baekhyun's neck will show when light hits him, screaming a bright red through his threadbare shirt when they start shooting tomorrow along the beach and he focuses on capturing Baekhyun's best smile. And they can't risk that. If they're caught looking at each other without the thick strings of work pulling them together, someone might snap a picture of them again. And then the string keeping Baekhyun afloat, pulling him safely to shore will snap, as well.

So he focuses on the sounds Baekhyun makes, his pretty whimpers and sighs and his soft ahs as Myungsoo grinds down, his balls grazing the length of Baekhyun's cock. His arousal is beginning to feel unbearable between his legs and he's tempted, so tempted, to touch himself with his own hands, but he pushes that thought to the very back of his head. Baekhyun's voice, rough and sinful, wrap around him in a warm flush of arousal, jerking him off in a steady rhythm as he rolls his hips, as he licks the shell of Baekhyun's ear and peppers the slope of his neck with soft, feather-light kisses, as he grinds Baekhyun to completion in the tight press of their bodies.

"Stop– Not fair–" Baekhyun chokes out, gripping Myungsoo tight by the hips, nails digging into his skin. He pauses, collecting himself, then licks his lips before saying, "I want you."

Myungsoo gulps hard and takes a deep breath. Leans in one last time to crush his lips against Baekhyun's in a rough, messy kiss. Then he's lifting Baekhyun's legs, bringing them over his shoulders until his lips are hovering Baekhyun entrance. Baekhyun's thighs are shaking, and his breathing is ragged, and he balls his hands into fists in Myungsoo's hair at the first brush of Myungsoo's tongue against his rim. Myungsoo licks again, then, tiny flicks of the tongue that are enough to send Baekhyun whispering a stream of expletives, Myungsoo's name slotted between syllables and sentences. He dips his tongue inside, stretching Baekhyun a little, then he's introducing a single slick finger, an easy thrust that makes Baekhyun gasp out a 'fuck' and groan at the intrusion. When he feels Baekhyun's muscles relax, he pushes a second finger inside, stretching Baekhyun carefully, moving in and out until Baekhyun is grinding against his palm, asking for more, asking for him. "Easy," he breathes out, pressing a kiss to Baekhyun's shaking thighs, then he works in a third finger, scissoring them in a slow motion, easing Baekhyun into the burn of feeling so full.

"Myungsoo–" Baekhyun whimpers, tugging at his hair. He complies, looking up, and takes a deep breath. Baekhyun's cheeks are flushed, his lips parted and wanting and begging, and he's whispering, "I need you," again and again until the tremble of his lips speaks the same thing.

"Alright," he says. He trails his hand south, stroking himself a few times, then guides the tip of his cock to Baekhyun's entrance. With a shaky breath, he pushes inside. Baekhyun clenches around him, tight and hot, and he groans as he slides even deeper. He pushes until Baekhyun lets out a throaty gasp, eyes blown wide open, then pulls back slowly. They find an easy rhythm after a while, the pretty sounds Baekhyun makes the words he can never find – a low groan means 'go ahead, I can take it', a gasp means 'I can take more'. Their whimpers muffled in the messy slide of their mouths are the songs they could be singing but have to keep to low voices, hushed whispers. Then Baekhyun digs his nails into Myungsoo's skin, breathing out, "Myungsoo–" and Baekhyun clenches around him so tight and spills his release on Myungsoo's stomach. The sound reaches deep in him, filling him with a wave of heat and pushing him even closer to the edge. Then his world goes blissfully white, the only image that's clear in his eyes the sight of Baekhyun's soft, tender eyes fixed on nothing, no one else but him.

Much later, in a mess of limbs and tangled in the sheets, Baekhyun asks, "Sing me one of your songs?" It's one in the morning and their call time is at five, so Myungsoo complies without another thought, humming a familiar tune that he hopes will be enough to lull Baekhyun into a peaceful slumber

ミ☆

At exactly nine o' clock in the morning, Sunggyu casts them a glance and nods in their direction. It says more than it should – coast is clear, but not quite; we're all off the hook but we can never be too sure– They're up against time now, trying to outlast it and put good news out there in the market for fans and media, alike, to devour even before people can remember those three pictures of Baekhyun and Myungsoo sliding next to each other, acting a bit friendlier than they should. So instead of turning his whole body to his side to face Baekhyun, he throws him a passing glance. Walks close by, just enough for their knuckles to brush. Baekhyun's hands are warm; his smile, even more. And he takes this opportunity to capture Baekhyun's sunny smile, frame it in the four corners of a photograph that will never do Baekhyun any justice. He keeps snapping pictures – of Baekhyun's bright eyes, of the way he tries to twirl on the sand but only ever ends up getting his feet stuck in the damp ground. Of the big, toothy grin that conquers Baekhyun's lips when their gazes meet, when Baekhyun looks straight into the camera and offers Myungsoo a bit of comfort through the heat of his smile, the soft crinkles at the corners of his eyes, mouths a promise contained in a single word – later.

ミ☆

"And that's should have everything," Myungsoo says, handing Sunggyu a DVD labeled 'PROJECT BYUN' written in big, chunky characters. "The edited pictures, the behind-the-scenes ones... There should be a couple of videos, as well, one of each season. There's more of the first two, though," he explains. Autumn and winter, when he still knew nothing about Baekhyun but knew that there was trouble brewing at the pit of his stomach. Spring was when Baekhyun started to smile with his teeth more. He has three albums just for that. He has some in his phone, as well, stored in a secret folder for when he's yearning to look at Baekhyun straight in the eye and not through his lens. And summer– Summer was when Baekhyun used his smiles as a currency for comfort. And it was effective – the management loved the last shoot the best and even commended Myungsoo for it. It was the very reason they pushed for Myungsoo to do Chen's debut shoot, as well, even giving him free reign over the concept and giving him an opportunity to pitch his ideas for the music video.

And now, here he is, emptying out his laptop, cleaning out traces of Baekhyun so he can make room for new projects, new opportunities that might help his career blossom. Things that can help him move on. He has a back up of everything in his hard drive, but it's still different having pictures of Baekhyun within reach, just a click away. It's still different holding Baekhyun at an arm's length and knowing that if he leans close, Baekhyun will be there to meet him halfway and make their lips meet in a soft, gentle kiss.

Sunggyu runs his index finger along the spine of the case, then turns to Myungsoo with a smile. The fatigue is evident in the dark circles under his eyes, in the strain on his cheeks. Baekhyun's down to the last three weeks of preparations, after all, starting the day early for radio appearances and heading home late after a long night of practicing. Sometimes, he'd make a stop over at Myungsoo's place, stay there until three in the morning until Kyungsoo drops by from work and picks him up. Other times, he'd head straight home, snap a picture of himself with his bottom lip jutted out in a tiny pout. And Myungsoo's okay with that. He'll take whatever he can get if it means keeping both Baekhyun's career and this relationship alive. It's better than nothing. It's better than just watching Baekhyun perform on stage through a TV screen, wishing yet knowing that he could never be there, backstage, to greet Baekhyun after his performance with a tight embrace, a warm smile, a soft, stolen kiss on the corner of his mouth as he says, "You killed 'em out there, tiger. Keep it up. Keep shining."

"It's finally over, huh?" Sunggyu says now, laughing a little. It sounds rough, a bit choked. He sounds tired. There's still the dregs of relief in his voice, though, in his steady humming as he swings his legs on the bench. "Those eight months of prepping felt like forever. I don't know why but it... never felt this long with the other artists I handled? SHINee's promotions always felt a bit too short. Even their breaks felt like they could use a bit more time. A few days, give or take. And then the girls… Well, they hardly had any time to rest, but it always felt as we were in a rush. Even when they were still starting out, man. Even when they were still rookies." Sunggyu locks his arms behind his back, stretching, then lays his palms flat on the bench. "I… kind of miss it, though, the prep chaos."

"Well, you did raise him," Myungsoo comments. He inches closer, and Sunggyu clasps his hands together, resting them on his thighs. Myungsoo shifts, then, until their sides press against each other, Sunggyu's warmth seeping into his skin. It's a bit comforting. "Watched him grow. He is your kid. I know you watched those two other groups develop into these fine… adults, I guess, but Baekhyun's… on his own. Taemin, Minho, and Kibum could look after each other, but Baekhyun needed your guidance."

Sunggyu snorts. "I was a shitty dad."

Myungsoo nudges him in his side. "Just not as strict as you'd like to be but, hey, you're not too shabby."

"Thanks, I guess," Sunggyu mumbles. He swings his legs again, humming a small tune under his breath. It's Baekhyun's summer track. Myungsoo likes the spring song better. The winter ballad, too. They bring out Baekhyun's rich tone more, showcase his vocals better. They allow Baekhyun to shine without the heat of the summer track setting him aflame, burning him to cinders. "The whole thing was just… overwhelming. I never realized until yesterday, you know, when I was fixing his schedule for the next three weeks. Debut, man. Debut. It's like… giving birth."

Or maybe the death of something else – free time, social life, privacy. He doesn't say it. Instead, he comments, "Well, I guess you can call Baekhyun a pain in your, uh, non-existent uterus."

"Or just a pain." Sunggyu rubs the underside of his nose, sniffling. His body hasn't quite adjusted to summer yet. "Yeah, 'pain' should be enough. He's a pain in the ass, the neck, the balls–"

Myungsoo laughs a little. 'Pain' doesn't suffice, doesn't quite capture the extent of what they all did and had to give up. They did four big shoots spanning seven months, turned the first few weeks of winter into autumn just to make the first shoot happen. Baekhyun was practicing almost everyday, until the whee hours of the morning, polishing one track after another until his vocal chords know no other words but those that he has been singing. Myungsoo had to follow a set schedule to be able to manage too many freelance projects on top of his project with SM. And Sunggyu had to be there for both of them throughout those seven months, had to make sure they didn't screw up, had to make sure that Baekhyun will debut with an untarnished, untainted name at the ripe age of twenty-nine but still achieve the same success as those who debuted at a younger age.

They definitely screwed up the last bit, Myungsoo muses. He snorts. "A pleasurable kind of pain," he adds after a while, looking at Sunggyu in the eye. Sunggyu cocks an eyebrow at him, holding his gaze. "The type that you'll coming back to for more."

"You're crazy," Sunggyu tells him, laughing lightly as he shakes his head. It's almost as if he's shedding his fatigue with each movement, the smile at the corners of his lips lighting up his features even more.

"So I've been told," Myungsoo whispers. He looks in the direction of the door, his chest constricting when he catches sight of Baekhyun stepping inside the room. His heart does a little somersault in his chest at the same time that Baekhyun stutters in his steps and looks at him with wide eyes. "So I've been told."

"He–y," comes Baekhyun's greeting, barely above a whisper. His lips fall open into a small 'o', and then he's biting his bottom lip like a habit. Myungsoo wants to tell him to stop, stop doing that, you're always getting your lips chapped and hurting yourself, but some habits are just hard to break in the same way that eye contact as strong as this isn't easiest thing to look away from. They hadn't seen each other the whole week last week, after Sunggyu alerted them about media trying to dig up stuff about Baekhyun again. The same thing happened the week after the photos leaked, but they were quick enough to delete all traces of any of their 'funky activities', as the management lovingly put it, even before media could try to get a hold of them. Baekhyun's fans – BYUL, that's what they call themselves – also helped them, swore to SM and to Baekhyun, himself, to protect their favorite artist at all costs. It felt nice, having a support group like that, but at the same it felt like walking a tightrope. What was once a secret between the two of them has become a heated topic being kept from the privy eyes of people. What was once a language only they shared has become a code for Baekhyun's fans to act and act fast, a signal for them to try to protect Baekhyun from people who might want to pull him down.

Myungsoo lets out a long exhale. It really is different, having Baekhyun around. It's different having Baekhyun here, just a few steps away, wanting and willing and breathing the same air as he is. And it feels different seeing the slow-forming smile on Baekhyun's lips again, feeling it make the hair at the back of his neck stand up and send a sizzling sensation to the base of his spine so powerful that he shivers all over. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying to keep himself in check – one, Sunggyu is in the room. Two, they're in SM premises and they both made a promise to not fuck things up again. Three, Baekhyun's debuting in three weeks. He needs all the time he can get to practice and polish his routine. So he addresses Baekhyun with a small smile, a curt nod, and a soft, "Hello."

Beside him, Sunggyu snorts. "You can hug, you know," he whispers, then shifts in his seat so that he's facing the wall. "I'll just be here, typing on my phone," he adds, voice trailing to a whisper, and the next thing Myungsoo knows Baekhyun's scooping him in his arms, burying his face in the crook of Myungsoo's neck, murmuring 'wow' against his skin again and again.

"Wow what?" Myungsoo asks. "Wow, you're really sweaty and you stinky?"

"Asshole," Baekhyun mumbles, twisting his fist in Myungsoo's stomach. His knuckles dig into Myungsoo's flesh. It feels great. He feels alive. "I mean wow, I–"

Myungsoo chuckles, then presses a soft kiss to the back of Baekhyun's ear. Baekhyun shivers, knocking his knees into Myungsoo's own. Myungsoo is shaking all over, but then so is Baekhyun. "I know," he says, breathing out against Baekhyun's warm skin. "Me, too."

He stays for the next three rounds of Baekhyun's practice, sitting cross-legged on the bench with his chin tucked on his clasped hands. He studies the movement of Baekhyun's body, the twist of his torso, the way he slides from one side of this massive stage to another like it isn't big enough. Like he's dwarfing it with his presence until the stage becomes one with him. Like he's always been meant to be here, lighting up the dull room with his dance and breathing life into it with his song.

Three weeks. In three weeks, Baekhyun will be center stage, singing in front of a crowd of thousands. Three weeks after that, he'll be winning awards and the hearts of people. Three weeks will turn into three months, and three months will turn into three years. Soon, Baekhyun will hopping from one country to another, riding the tides of fate and his career, and it will be hard to keep up with him. He's a shooting star, after all; he should never be tied down. So Myungsoo contents himself with this: watching Baekhyun from the sidelines, marveling at him. Memorizing every flick of the wrist, every tilt of his head, every flutter of his eyelashes and the tiny shifts in his expression like Myungsoo hasn't spent all these months committing them to memory and scrawling them on his own skin. He keeps his eyes trained on Baekhyun until they burn, until he can see Baekhyun still singing and dancing and performing at the back of his eyelids when he closes his eyes, long after Baekhyun has ceased to move.

Until Baekhyun slips back into the darkness with him and holds his hand, standing still for the first time in so long, whispering instead of belting out his words. Speaking in silence and the language of their bodies – Baekhyun's lips on Myungsoo's own, their limbs in a tangled mess, hearts racing in their chests in a rhythm so familiar that they can call it their song.

He slips from the room unannounced, as soon as Baekhyun drops the imaginary mic in his hand to his side. He steals one last glance at Baekhyun before twisting the door knob and swinging the door open. The last thing he hears is Baekhyun soft 'oh?', the shuffle of Baekhyun's feet like he means to run after him. The last thing he sees is the gentle lift of Baekhyun's eyebrows, the soft pillow of his mouth. And the last thing he catches is the promise of good things to come in Baekhyun's simple words, in a sentence he doesn't even have to sing to make beautiful – Soon. Soon.

ミ☆

The week before Baekhyun's debut, Myungsoo receives a text from Baekhyun that says, hi sorry haha i'm in the hospital.

His first reaction is to tense his thighs under the table. His second, to read the message again. Baekhyun's never been the type to pull off a tasteless prank like this on anyone and April Fool's is long over, but who knows? Maybe Baekhyun's feeling a bit weird, feeling a lot like an asshole. It happens to everyone. On Baekhyun's best days, he says the best jokes, can make even the most serious and tired of people smile with the gentle coaxing of his words, his playful tone, his cheery nature. On his off days, he tells Myungsoo he feels like dying with every passing minute because, "I'm going to debut. In a week. A week! I'm not even sure if I'm even ready–"

"You alright, Myungsoo?" Dongwoo asks, guiding Myungsoo's cup of coffee back down on the saucer. Myungsoo blinks twice – the first time, at Dongwoo, and the second, at his shaking hands. "You look as if you've... seen a ghost or something."

He looks down at his phone one more time, then lifts his gaze to face Dongwoo again. Better, more professional. He tries to lift the corners of his mouth, but all he ends up with are tense cheeks and a dry through. "I'm good," he answers after a while, then quickly types up a reply on his phone. what happened? which hospital? "Where were we?"

Dongwoo gives him a long and careful look as if he wants to ask more, doesn't want to stray from the newly opened topic just yet. He doesn't. Instead, he nods, slow and deliberate. "Deadlines," he responds. He moves the tablet so that it's facing Myungsoo. "We'll be done in five minutes."

He could have already hopped on the first cab to Gangnam Severance by then. If Baekhyun was in Gangnam Severance, at least. He could be three, four stoplights away from his current location by that time if he asks the driver to drive as fast as he can. Baekhyun could be wailing in pain by that time, could be minutes away from losing consciousness and whatever else that Myungsoo doesn't want to think of at the moment, if at all. Baekhyun could be–

"Or even just a minute," Dongwoo ammends. He clears his throat. When Myungsoo looks up from his phone just before it beeps, he's met by Dongwoo's warm smile. "I understand if you need to be elsewhere right now. I'd... drop everything if anyone ever asked help from me. And that looks like an emergency." He drums his fingers on the table, missing a bit when his fingers lock. "Is someone in trouble? Family, a friend?" A tentative pause, then, "Your... girlfriend?"

He sneaks a glance at the display, then, almost groaning when he sees Baekhyun's text saying, overfatigue :((( dont worry hyung's here wid me but he wont let me text anymore so i'll c u? room 313? Trust Baekhyun to make a misstep caused by his thirst for perfection just seven days before he walks up on stage and starts building a home out of it. And trust Baekhyun to try to make the situation lighter by using smileys, by using that messaging tone of his that sounds exactly like the voice he uses when he's trying to get out of a tight situation.

i'll be there. get some rest, he types in a haste. To Dongwoo, he says, "Boyfriend. And I can spare a minute. Let's get this done before the turn of the hour."

Dongwoo's eyes widen for a moment then he's chuckling, lips pressed to the back of his hand. Too familiar, a voice at the back of Myungsoo's mind says, and suddenly he's brought back to three seasons ago, to that afternoon at the cusp of winter and autumn where he had to make a most unfortunate trip to Gangnam to visit an old friend. And to gain a new one who'd soon be more than just an acquaintance. Someone who'd eventually be a person who knows him better than he knows himself.

So when another voice at the back of his mind groans 'don't do that', Myungsoo isn't surprised. People should never be deprived of the leisure of a smile or laughter. Still, he doesn't say it, doesn't say a thing until Dongwoo's offering him a soft smile, warm and accepting.

"Very brave. I... know people who wouldn't readily admit that to a stranger. Or a client." Dongwoo chuckles. Then he's pushing his coffee cup to the side and inching even closer, urging Myungsoo to meet him halfway so he can see what's written on the tablet better. "Alright. Let's agree on the timings then I'll drive you to wherever your boy is."

"No need to, sir. Gangnam's pretty far from where we are–"

"Nah, it's fine. I don't think I'll be able to let you grab a cab in that state of yours." Dongwoo chuckles. "Okay, timelines! Let's do this!"

Gangnam Severance is a good hour and a half away from the quaint coffee shop they were at back in Ilsandong. They were lucky to not have been trapped in heavy traffic, but the long travel still leaves Myungsoo with a consuming lurching sensation in his stomach. His chest feels so tight and his stomach feels as if it's panicking on his behalf. And he's long lost the feeling in his fingers. He sits on his hands in an effort to restore the warmth at its pads, but to no avail. Every minute away from Baekhyun right now feels like torture. It feels a little like dying inside.

i'm going to kick u in d balls, Myungsoo texts when they reach another red light. Baekhyun is quick to reply – two stickers of the same white blob crying then making a heart sign with its hands. Then a message, saying, sry but hey on the up side, i'm forced 2 rest!!!

stupid. u didn't have to wait for this to happen :(, Myungsoo types. He hits the send button then quickly bites down on the back of his hand when he realizes what he's just done. Tells himself, he doesn't have to hear that from you, Myungsoo. Everyone's probably told him that already. You didn't have to rub it in–

"He'll be alright," Dongwoo assures him, humming. Tracing figures on his own thigh, he says, "I know how it feels, worrying about someone... that special. And if he's still texting you then rest assured that he's probably well enough to, y'know, fiddle with his phone. And that he won't want to see you like that."

'Like that' probably means 'a mess'. He pulls his shoulders back, then scrolls through his stickers absentmindedly. He catches sight of one that might make Baekhyun smile. He clicks it without another thought, then adds, sorry i'm just really worried... pls get some rest i'll be there soon.

"He keeps doing these weird, risky things," he whispers out of the blue. He doesn't bite the back of his hand this time, doesn't bite the inside of his cheek so he can swallow his words down. He breathes out, exhaling all the breath he's been holding in for the longest time. These moments of surrender come to him sometimes, on the off chance that control slips from his fingers and he lets panic take control of his body. When he's tired and can't be bothered to keep the fatigue at bay. He kicks at the carpet inside a little, just a little, enough to jolt warmth back into his feet. It makes his knees shake. He still can't feel his hands enough to clench them. "He keeps thinking of other people before himself. Keeps trying to... meet other people's expectations and putting himself in danger in the process. It's not healthy."

"But it makes him happy, right?"

Myungsoo laughs a little. He shakes his head. It's a nice way to look at things, a nice mentality to have, but sometimes being happy just doesn't make the cut. "Not everything that makes you happy is good for you, though. Some are bad," he then says. "Some are wrong. Some will just put you in danger. Some might, I don't know, screw your life over." And some might score you the risk of losing your job and losing every chance of ever becoming an idol. Some are just... a disaster waiting to happen. And that's what they are – two big storms coming together as one, wrecking everything in their path. Leaving scars on the roads they take and on each other's bodies. Bathing in bright lights until they're washed out and shielded from the rest of the world. They are the disaster that wasn't supposed to happen.

"So you look out for him. Make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble when you're not looking." Dongwoo cracks his neck. "Sounds easier than it actually is, but there's not much you can do, is there? When you're with someone as free-spirited as your guy?" He takes a deep breath and slumps in his seat. Myungsoo shifts a little. This is the first time he's seen Dongwoo like this. Then again, it's the first time they've talked about something outside of work, talked about a topic that isn't remotely related to Howon. "So when you get to the hospital, give him a hug or something. Then bop him on the head for overextending himself."

The second is easy to do. The first is, too, if they weren't Baekhyun and Myungsoo, if SM didn't know about their little tryst and didn't read into every single thing that they did. He blows at his bangs. "I wish it were that easy," he whispers.

Dongwoo snorts, then scratches the arm rest. "That's the catch – nothing's ever easy with these kinds of things."

Myungsoo looks to his side, holding Dongwoo's gaze. The soft smile on Dongwoo's lips is still there, albeit tighter now at the corners. Strained, but still present. Still warm despite the air conditioning set on high. It's almost as if he's speaking from experience, trying to talk to himself over Myungsoo's dilemma. Shooting two birds with one stone. Over Dongwoo's shoulders, Gangnam Severance's facade comes into focus, the blur of colors from when they'd been speeding down streets earlier finally coming together to form a crisp picture. And then his phone sounds off twice, two short beeps urging him to tear his gaze from Dongwoo and to look down, look at me– Look, Soo, I can finally do the pirouette thing in one fluid motion– Look!

"And yet we still hang around, hoping for an easy path to the ending," Myungsoo finishes.

Dongwoo snorts. Presses his hand to his lips again, but eventually just lets the thick lump of laughter spill from his lips in one loud peal. Myungsoo finds himself laughing along after a while, the tight knot in his chest finally coming off and easing. He can feel his fingers again, can feel the rest of his faculties above the loud thumping in his chest. And he can feel his phone buzzing in his hand, Baekhyun's Line window jumping out at him, waiting to be noticed.

The scenario is different when he reaches room 313, though. There's none of the usual noise in SM, none of the chatter and the harmonizing and the squeaking of rubber shoes on the floor. The room is mostly quiet, the voices inside hushed and kept low. And Baekhyun's on the hospital bed, craning his neck to check who the visitor is over Kyungsoo's shoulders. "He's been waiting for you," comes Kyungsoo's greeting, soft and faint, almost as if he's just breathing. "And I hope you brought cake with you because he's been going on about that for hours."

"You're in luck," Myungsoo replies, holding out a box between them. Kyungsoo swings the door open, then, welcoming him with a smile.

Baekhyun lifts his eyebrows as soon as Myungsoo steps inside, eyes widening just a little upon recognition. Then a familiar smile plays on his lips, tugging up at the corners just a little, enough to make his eyes crinkle a bit. "Hey," Baekhyun says, voice rough and faint. He sounds like a frog, or maybe a kid who's been running miles without pausing for a break, to drink water. Baekhyun would be the type. He'd be the type to do something as silly and fulfilling as that. "Where's my kick in the balls?" he manages to joke, but it doesn't ease the roughness of his voice, doesn't make his laughter any less choked. His chest must feel so heavy right now. And Myungsoo would run his hands over Baekhyun's chest, rubbing a generous amount of Vicks on it to help alleviate the pain if he could.

But he can't. Kyungsoo's eyes haven't left him yet since he entered the room. The guy beside Kyungsoo is looking at him with a funny stare, as well, one that says, 'Oh, so you're Myungsoo.' And then there's Jongdae with his back pressed to the wall, looking up from the sheets of paper he's scoring lines on with his nail. And Sunggyu's watching him – them – like he's reminding each and every single one of them that they entered a contract, they all made an agreement, a promise to not screw things up again.

"Later," Myungsoo replies. He inches closer, one careful step after another. The smile on Baekhyun's lips grows wider by the minute. It has nothing to do with the wild grin on his own lips, nothing to do with this exchange that only the two of them will be able to understand. "When you get discharged. I'll give you a really good kick that'll last you a few days."

"But I'm debuting in a week."

What he means is, I'm fine with that but you will kiss the pain away, right? Myungsoo licks his lips. Baekhyun sucks in his bottom lip. They look like teenagers flirting with each other, it's almost hilarious. He wants to laugh. "One that will last for twenty-four hours, then."

"Heartless," Baekhyun groans, but pats the empty space beside him, anyway. Sunggyu inches closer to the foot of the bed, then, making enough space for Myungsoo and looking away.

"Thanks," Myungsoo whispers to Sunggyu just before he climbs onto the bed and makes himself comfortable there. Baekhyun reaches for his hand from under the covers. The pads of his fingers are cold, too cold. Baekhyun could draw icicles on the back of Myungsoo's hand if he wanted to. If they are allowed to. Rules, rules, Myungsoo keeps reminding himself, and shushes the voice inside him saying, I wish I could just be heartless. Then, it would be easy to stop caring.

Baekhyun shifts in his position a little, sitting up. He combs his fingers through his hair like it makes a difference. It doesn't. Baekhyun is still Baekhyun, disheveled hair and all. It's a nice contrast to the perfect idol SM has molded him to be. So Myungsoo snorts and reaches over, ruffling the soft tuft again. Baekhyun's hair feels so soft between his fingers. It almost feels like home.

"I really hate you," Baekhyun whispers, blowing hot air on Myungsoo's palm. He's looking at Myungsoo through the narrow slits of his bangs, leaning into the soft touch like it's the only thing keeping him afloat at the moment.

"And I hate you, too," Myungsoo whispers right back. He catches Baekhyun's smile spilling from the corners of his lips. Somehow, that's enough.

When Baekhyun asks him about his day, how the meeting with Dongwoo went, 'That's mocha cake, right? If that's chocolate mousse, I'm kicking you in the balls,' he indulges him, nods and talks and lets Baekhyun hear the words he truly wants to say. He keeps them slotted between empty sentences, though, slips them between mundane things, harmless information that he knows Baekhyun can see through. And he keeps his eyes on Baekhyun long after Baekhyun has fallen asleep, Baekhyun's lips parted in a tiny, tiny 'o'. The soft snores he makes are the best song Myungsoo has heard in a long while.

ミ☆

"Hey, Myungsoo, I–" Kyungsoo gulps hard, then says, "Can we talk?"

Myungsoo looks up from where he's feeding bills to the vending machine. He'd offered to grab a couple of drinks earlier – 3 packs of banana uyuu for Sunggyu, strawberry uyuu for Kyungsoo. Chilsung cider for Baekhyun for when he wakes up, just in case, and Pocari Sweat for Jongdae who's set to leave in a few minutes to return to SM. Kyungsoo offered to help, but Myungsoo said he'll be alright. He's gotten more drinks for more people before, when he was still in production. That doesn't seem to be enough to shake Kyungsoo off, though, whose eyes always look as if he's studying something so hard until there's nothing to be discovered anymore. It feels like being skinned alive and examined on the spot but oh, I'll put back your skin after, don't worry. It's a bit unsettling.

"I... got your order right, if that's what you're concerned with," Myungsoo replies. He turns his attention back to the vending machine, then presses the button for Chilsung cider. Baekhyun will probably be whining about Myungsoo getting him just one drink when he sees it. He tries not to laugh. "You did ask for strawberry uyuu, right?"

"It's about Baekhyun," Kyungsoo blurts out.

Out comes the can of Chilsung cider, landing in the take out port in a loud 'thud'. Just like the person who likes it, Myungsoo muses. He fishes for the can from the compartment and sets it down on the floor beside the canned coffee. He remembers Baekhyun getting him one like it before, when they were out of coffee shops to hide in and Myungsoo was in dire need of his favorite drink. 'Don't complain,' Baekhyun said then, thrusting the can in his chest. 'It's the least sweet among the bunch. I... I'm pretty sure you'll like it. I wish I could get you some of your... quality coffee or whatever but–'

"What about him?" Myungsoo asks. He feed another won bill into the machine and presses the button for Pocari Sweat. He should be getting back to the room now, handing over the bottle to Jongdae before he goes back to the company for practice, but– "Was he… looking for me again?"

"I'm sorry about the… whole hiccup," Kyungsoo whispers. He's shifting his gaze from Myungsoo's face to his hair, like it's the most unsettling sight ever. Or maybe he just can't look at the guy whose house he picks up Baekhyun from at odd hours of the day. Myungsoo runs his fingers through his hair, nonetheless, parting it at the sides. Baekhyun has always liked his hair better that way; middle parts are a big no-no, even for Jaejoong who can rock almost any hairstyle. "Really sorry that it has to happen to the two of you. I mean, if he wasn't an idol and you weren't… quite the popular figure in photography–"

If people weren't looking up at them, at the stage, and watching them with a careful gaze, if people didn't know them then it wouldn't matter. But they are who they are – Byun Baekhyun, the winner of The Voice of Korea, and Kim Myungsoo, one of the most renowned photographers in the industry. They could've dropped each other at the first sign of a controversy, could've dropped this relationship or this ounce of trouble that they keep drinking up everyday. They could've easily stopped seeing each other, texting, sitting next to each other during shoots or in the van.

But this is a decision that they've made. And they're ready to face the consequences even if it means having to be constantly on their toes, if it means having to be extra paranoid about everything.

"Shit happens," Myungsoo mumbles in response. The vending machine gives a funny whirr. He looks over his shoulder to face Kyungsoo again. Kyungsoo's eyebrows are furrowed a little and his lips are pursed. The fluorescent light casts him a sickly glow. It doesn't do him justice. He'd look better with a small smile on his lips, the same smile he gave Baekhyun earlier when Baekhyun teased him about panicking and dropping everything at work 'for his best friend.' "We're... trying hard to make things work. It's just ten times harder for him because he's the one in the spotlight all the time. He's the one who has fans following him around and–"

"And you're the one who's always just waiting around the corner, waiting for the right time to pull him in your direction." Kyungsoo lets out a long exhale. He scratches his nape with a single finger. Myungsoo wants to laugh a little. Baekhyun leaves scars, pieces of him on every person he touches. Always giving part of himself without asking for anything in return. "I guess it helps that you have perfect timing."

Myungsoo snorts. "I try. Very hard." He tries hard not to reach out for Baekhyun at the first sight of him, as well, tries to keep his hands to himself even if Baekhyun's looking at him, giving him all his attention and everything that he can offer save for his words. "I... keep wondering if he'll ever get tired of this, actually. It's draining. He has a lot of other things to worry about and–"

Kyungsoo chuckles, just barely above a whisper. "And you're the only person keeping him sane and happy at the moment," he says, then walks closer, stopping just before the tips of his shoes hit the drinks neatly lined up beside Myungsoo. He's still, too polished, too rigid. His words are soft and tender, though. "I'm not a believer of being reckless but Baekhyun makes it work, somehow. So if I could... just ask for a favor–"

Myungsoo picks up the drinks and cradles them in his hands. Or at least that's what he tries to do, because Kyungsoo has already beaten him to taking some of the drinks. Kyungsoo is eyeing the strawberry uyuu in Myungsoo's arms with great interest, and then he's looking up at Myungsoo again with a weird kind of spark in his eyes. It isn't the same spark of curiosity he'd seen from Kyungsoo when Kyungsoo first dropped by his place to pick Baekhyun up, or the look Kyungsoo had given him when he opened the door of the hospital room. This one's more personal, tender. A tiny ray of light peeking through the layers of the much brighter sunshine.

"What is it?"

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. "Can you look after him?"

Myungsoo leans back a little. He tilts his head to the side, cocks an eyebrow at Kyungsoo because is he kidding right now? They all know the rules – Myungsoo can't be around Baekhyun for too long, not out in the open. They can't look at each other for longer than five, ten seconds. They can't be breathing the same air without supervision, else the management will think they're up to something 'funky'. They're well aware of the rules. And here Kyungsoo is, asking for the impossible. Looking after Baekhyun means watching him with a careful eye, being around him 24/7. Looking after Baekhyun means breaking every single rule in the book and causing trouble all over again.

So he doesn't hold back, blurting out, "What?" He laughs a little, the sound spilling from his lips like bouts of cough. He cracks his neck. "I don't know if you've forgotten but SM specifically asked for me to be assigned to non-Baekhyun projects so the media would stop bringing things up about us–"

"But they won't be able to say anything if you're following Baekhyun as a fan," Kyungsoo finishes. He lifts his eyebrows a little, then offers Myungsoo a tiny smile. "Not if you're helping Baekhyun reach fans who can't see him on stage. Not if you're helping other fans fall in love with him and giving SM more profit through promoting him." The smile on Kyungsoo's lips blooms as he hugs the drinks closer to his chest. "They won't touch you if they can't see you in the crowd, Myungsoo. They won't find you in the dark."

Myungsoo takes a deep breath. He's good at moving around in the dark, good at finding his way to all the right places with the shadows whispering in his ear, telling him where to go. And he's good at waiting for the sun to come rising again, to peek from the horizon and slowly crawl back up the skies so Myungsoo can look around him and say, ah, that's right. I'm home. So he nods and lets the laughter that has long been pounding on his chest to crawl up his throat, to spill from his lips. To reach Kyungsoo and to pull him closer until Myungsoo can dump the strawberry uyuu in his waiting arms.

"You're Baekhyun's favorite for a reason," Myungsoo whispers just before they reach the door to Baekhyun's room.

Kyungsoo looks up at him with a twinkle in his eyes and a bright smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "Not me. You," he replies, swinging the door open for Myungsoo, to reveal Baekhyun's smiling figure on the other side. Myungsoo doesn't argue. Instead, he steps inside without another word and thinks, maybe it can work. Maybe he can trawl the darkness in search of a sliver of light, a speck of Baekhyun even if the stage lights have already washed him out. Maybe he can be a creature of the night and live in the shadows as he watches Baekhyun take the stage and conquer the world. Maybe they can make this work.

He rests his palm on Baekhyun's hand through the blankets. Baekhyun grins at him, bright and toothy, and mouths, "Feed me." It lights a tiny flame inside him, stilling the lurching sensation in his chest, keeping him warm.

It's worth a shot.

ミ☆

Myungsoo blinks a few times, adjusting his vision to the lights. It isn't as bright here in the studio as it was outside with summer's bright lights blinding him and the rest of the fans waiting outside, but it still takes a while to recalibrate. He lined up for a few good hours, after all, spent half the time listening to Baekhyun's debut album and the upcoming new single on repeat and spent the other half talking with the fans who'd lined up with him. "Aren't you too old to be a fan?" one of the girls asked, and Myungsoo only shrugged in response.

"Here, have some water," Sunggyu tells him now, handing him a bottle. He slips a press ID around Myungsoo's neck, too, flips the card over so that everyone can see the word 'media' in big, bold characters. "You ready?"

Myungsoo gulps down a generous amount of water, then laughs a little. The tension in his throat eases a little. "Is he?"

Sunggyu cranes his neck, gaze shifting to the stage, to the narrow opening of the curtains shielding the set from the viewers. To the familiar face peeking from between the sheets and then disappearing behind them when the cheers of the crowd starts to grow louder, wilder. The stage isn't lit up yet and the crew is still doing some last minute checks, but the recording should start in around ten, fifteen minutes. That means fifteen minutes until a familiar song blares through the stereos, fifteen minutes until the lights open, bright and harsh, and wash people out on stage. Fifteen minutes until the thumping in his chest harmonizes with a familiar beat.

"He's been pacing around the dressing room, but he'll be alright," Sunggyu replies after a while. He chuckles. "You know how he is."

"I do," Myungsoo whispers. He takes a deep breath and grips his camera tight in his hands. "I know him too well."

It's Baekhyun's debut stage today. He was supposed to perform at Music Core yesterday, as an introduction to the whole industry and the rest of the country, but SM somehow pulled him out at the very last minute and told him to focus on his Inkigayo stage, instead. Go out with a bang, leave a lasting impression, they said. Capture's people's hearts and keep them hooked until there's nothing but your voice ringing in the ears. It's every rookie's mission when they start out, but the pressure on Baekhyun is bigger, heavier. He has to make sure to get a solid fanbase today. If he manages to win a mutizen on the day of his debut, with all the promotions SM has been doing for him even before he could make his first music show appearance, then great. There's hope for a happy ending. He has to make a good enough impression that people will disregard his age and focus on his talent, instead. He's running on a timer. If all goes well today then he can hope for a good three, four years ahead of him in the music industry. If the variety show hosts end up loving him after his guesting on Wednesday then maybe he can shift to hosting once his singing career gets shaky. So these few hours of the music show are vital. If Baekhyun wants to make it big in the industry then he can't fuck up.

Myungsoo's stomach clenches, lurches. He lays his palm flat on his own belly, trying to still the sensation inside him. He remembers Baekhyun doing that when he can sense the tension in Myungsoo's features, in his actions. And he'd do the same for Baekhyun once Baekhyun comes home from practice, when Baekhyun lies flat on his back on Myungsoo's couch and whispers, "I ache all over. Kiss the pain away?"

The lights on stage flicker open. Sunggyu's body gives a tiny jerk, jostling Myungsoo out of his reverie. "That's my cue," Sunggyu whispers, then gives Myungso's arm a gentle squeeze. "You'll be alright here?"

What he means is, you know what to do, right? You do know that the SM reps can't find out you're here, right? So Myungsoo nods in acknowledgement and flashes Sunggyu a thumbs up. "I'll live."

"Break a leg," Sunggyu mutters, then he's walking ahead and disappearing into the crowd. The shadows swallow him whole, along with the words Myungsoo had uttered just after Sunggyu had turned around to leave – I'll need all the luck I can get.

Five minutes thin into the the crackling noise of the lights and the shrill screams of the crowd. There isn't anyone on stage yet, but everyone knows who's up first. The song that's been playing in the background for the past few minutes has been whispering the same name in their ears again and again. It's the same song Myungsoo has been singing to for the past eight months, the same song that wakes him up in the morning and the same voice that calms him down, lulls him to a peaceful slumber at night. It's the same voice at the back of his head telling him to get ready, any minute now, Myungsoo, any minute– And then the yellow lights go out as the background noise dissipates into silence.

Five thumping beats. A voice counting to three. Spotlight on the stage, on the figure turned back to the crowd, and Myungsoo lifts his camera close to his face. He shifts to autofocus and puts everything on program, as if functioning on autopilot. Stimulus to a slow and simmering sensation he's been harboring at the very pit of his stomach all these months finally burning the brightest flame and setting him on fire. Then he cranes his neck, trying to get a glimpse of the figure on stage, clothed in light. He's glowing up there, overpowering the lights, shining.

Baekhyun turns around, the microphone drawn close to his lips. "Are you ready to fall in love, Inkigayo?" he screams, and the crowd yells back in response.

Baekhyun looks around, giving the crowd a quick scan with his gaze. Myungsoo pulls his camera down, then, but keeps his hands steady on the body and the lens. Baekhyun's eyes widen for a moment – in surprise, recognition? In acknowledgement of the wild, violent pull at the corners of his lips, revealing his peculiar smile? In defeat? Myungsoo isn't sure. All he knows right now is that Baekhyun is looking at him and no one else, singling him out in the crowd, offering him a wicked grin. And maybe those perceptive enough will see that sliver of connection pulling them together, that thin string keeping them tied to each other, but that doesn't matter right now. Baekhyun is on stage, shining for everyone to see, living his dream and sharing it with everyone in room. There are six, seven feet of people between them, keeping them apart, keeping them in check.

They're safe. They can make this work. They will make this work.

"I said, are you ready to fall in love?" Baekhyun screams again, grinning wider this time.

Myungsoo nods and takes a deep breath. The music starts, and Baekhyun pulls away with an easy smile.

The performance lasts for a good seven minutes, with Baekhyun giving everyone a taste of all four songs in his debut album. Myungsoo keeps his face pressed to the body of the camera, looking at Baekhyun only through the viewfinder even long after the music has died down. He snaps pictures, one after another, of Baekhyun bowing to the crowd, of Baekhyun waving to his fans and thanking them again and again. Of Baekhyun reaching out to hold the hands of the people at the first row and telling them to please support me, please keep my dream alive. You're all my stars. Thank you.

Of Baekhyun slowly turning his head to look for him in the crowd again, of the way his features light up when he spots a familiar figure in the chaos.

Of the open-mouthed smile Baekhyun aims at his direction, eyes fixed on nothing, no one else but Myungsoo.

He gulps hard and signals at Baekhyun with a thumbs up. He smiles. He doesn't stop shooting.

「 overexposed 」

Baekhyun makes a comeback to the music scene after a three-month 'break' with a rock ballad.

"It's pretty fresh. Doesn't sound as SMP as you'd think it would be," Jonghyun comments on his radio program right after the second commercial gap. Beside him, Baekhyun laughs into the back of his hand and shakes his head, murmuring something that doesn't quite reach the microphone. Maybe Baekhyun's saying something about 'SMP' being an SM-only term, or SM no longer having a single 'sound'. The composers have been trying to come up with fresh material for a few months already, after all, trying to break free from the stereotypical SM music.

Myungsoo rolls his eyes and leans back, inching away from his laptop. The video stream lags for a bit. He takes it as an opportunity to text Baekhyun, good luck. slay them :)

lol what else wud i do? ;), Baekhyun says in reply. Then the video's running smoothly again, revealing Baekhyun getting up from his seat and heading to the other side of the booth for his live performance.

It's been nine months since Baekhyun has hit the music scene as SM's 'old rookie'. Music critics were a bit skeptic at first, saying that he 'might not make it as such an old age', 'his career will probably die too quickly,' but he managed to prove them wrong two weeks into promoting his album. He didn't win the mutizen on the first week, but his digital sales were the best SM has seen in years. It's almost as if SM convinced the fans of their other groups to support Baekhyun's foray into the music industry, promising them good things to come.

Well, this is it, Myungsoo wants to say. This is Baekhyun sharing his gift of music with the world, SM's way of thanking fans for all the support they've given him. And it's also SM's way of thanking Myungsoo for staying at the sidelines, making sure that the light doesn't reach him. It's SM's way of helping them make this whole arrangement work.

"You co-wrote this song with a friend, didn't you, Baekhyunnie?" Jonghyun asks now, speaking into the microphone.

Baekhyun fiddles with the controls for a moment, then wears his headphones. "Come again?" he asks, so Jonghyun repeats his statement, drawling the syllables for 'friend' this time around. Baekhyun's first response is laughter; his second, a careful glance around the room before craning his neck to look straight at the camera filming their live broadcast.

"I did," he replies. He draws the microphone closer to himself, then clears his throat. "I wrote it with a very special friend."

Jonghyun looks as if he wants to say more, but the first few notes of the song have already surfaced in the background. The percussion and the electric guitar come together in a nice introduction, powerful enough to capture someone's attention at the first beat. The music thins to a soft drumbeat after a while, then Baekhyun's vocals settle in, smooth and easy, as if he's just breathing the lyrics. His eyes are closed and he's swaying from side to side, a small smile pulling up at the corners of his lips as he sings. He looks completely in his element, lost in his own words and his own song. And maybe he is. This is him sharing his – no, their story – with everyone, millions of listeners tuned to Jonghyun's radio show. This is him taking a calculated risk.

So Myungsoo takes the leap with him, fixes his eyes on Baekhyun as the camera zooms in on Baekhyun's face. Keeps his eyes on Baekhyun as Baekhyun opens his eyes and looks into the lens again, making sure Myungsoo can see him.

Myungsoo takes a deep breath. He can feel a small voice crawling up his throat, begging to be heard. He parts his lips.

He sings with Baekhyun.

one | two | three | four | five

ミ☆ To everyone who has reached the end of this fic, thank you so much for taking time to read it! I cannot thank you enough. c:

1. The title comes from a song from Prince of Tennis of the same title.

2. You'll notice here that the call time is different from the 'grind'. The 'grind' is actually the time when the shoot starts. Ideally, you should have two hours between call time and grind to give time for the crew to set up and for the stylists to work on the talents.

3. Redhead and Kino Flo are two different kinds of studio lights. The redhead is a nice, flexible yellow flood light. It has doors that you can adjust in order to fill the set with more or less light. You can attach a honeycomb to it to make the light more focused. You can also attach different types of color sheets/gels to it. The most common is the blue gel, one that neutralizes the harsh yellows of the redhead to produce white light. Note, however, that the light redheads produce is very, very hot. This is why it's preferred to have a soft box/diffuser attached to it.

Meanwhile, Kino Flo is a brand of white lights. Softer and 'cooler' than the redheads, they are great to use if you don't have a soft box or a diffuser as they still neutralize the harsh yellow lights of the redheads pretty well.

4. The song that Myungsoo and Woohyun composed is Paolo Nutini's "Candy".

5. The song that Baekhyun sings at the end, the one that he says he and Myungsoo composed, is Dashboard Confessional's "The Secret's In The Telling".

6. And HERE is a playlist I made for the fic! I really, really recommend listening to this playlist while reading the fic. :)

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

CRIES FIRST OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR THE COMPLETELY LATE COMMENT i just got super busy and then too tired to read at night which is usually when i read ;___;

BUT I'VE FINALLY FINISHED AND LET ME KISS YOU I LOVED THIS SO MUCH
gosh i never expected a 126k long fic when i bid on you at the auction but it was SO WORTH THE WAIT!!

i loved playful baekhyun was and how careful myungsoo was and how they both helped each other with their ~demons~ from the past ;;____;;

baek was so puppy like in this and myungsoo has always been a cat to me so its like a cute puppy playing with a cat and dragging affection out of him cries

the myungsoo/woohyun backstory made me hate woohyun omg and then he tried to get soo back LIKE PLS NO GO AWAY >:(((( i ALMOST thought myungsoo would cave too but good boy he didnt :'')))

"I'm good at solving puzzles. I like challenges." A deep breath, then, "I... like you."
this line + this while scene had me crying gosh ;;;; im just glad myungsoo was selfish for once and said yes

"And I love you," he whispers. Baekhyun lets out a tiny whimper. "So please, Baekhyunnie, smile for me. C'mon, it shouldn't be too hard."
so sweet i ;________; probably one of my favourite scenes in the fic

and the end ;__; the open-mouthed smile Baekhyun aims at his direction, eyes fixed on nothing, no one else but Myungsoo.

there were more lines that i loved but i can't remember right now sldkjf i need to re read this asap and SLOWLY this time lmao

sobs im not good at leaving comments o<--< but i really really loved the fic and thank you SO MUCH for writing it!! ♡♡♡♡

omg i just realized i never got to reply. sorry T__T

THAT SAID!! ahhh i'm so so glad that you enjoyed the fic. and i'm so sorry for the very long wait! it was so challenging, writing them together because they have very little interactions irl but i'm so relieved you enjoyed their dynamics in this fic c:

baek was so puppy like in this and myungsoo has always been a cat to me so its like a cute puppy playing with a cat and dragging affection out of him cries
I'M SCREAMING this is such a cute mental image and spot-on T__T

im just glad myungsoo was selfish for once and said yes
he chose the right time to be selfish c:

thank you so much for prompting it!! it was such a great writing experience c: /hugs

infinite/exo: there's only one chance to take a picture (5/5)

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