rustle | exo: leave the light on

leave the light on
— Lay/Suho + others. NC-17 for brief mature scenes. 36514 words.
— Yixing keeps a careful watch on beings and emotion levels. Joonmyun watches Yixing and his own emotions like a hawk. The space between them is the opening Chance makes full use of. (Warnings: use of needles (but only for medical purposes), mentions of death. Please take these warnings seriously.)
— Written for

justgetlayd 2014! Originally posted HERE. Also available on AO3. Thanks to Shailvi for helping me smoothen out some vital plot points of this fic. Thank you, Chels, for helping me fix the pacing and making sure that I don't add too many scenes! Thank you, too, to Frances, Belle, and Jecca for all the support and for sharing the tears. ♥ Lastly, thank you, dearest prompter, for giving me the chance to get Layd. Writing this fic was such a memorable experience. :)

Here's a tiny playlist for a better reading experience: Coldplay's Midnight, and OneRepublic's Something I Need and Feel Again

It's the third time within the week that Yixing has set off alarms. He looks to his left, then to his right, before crossing the corridor, muscle memory making him duck then squeeze between two walls slowly closing in on him. The first time he broke into the government facility, he'd emerged unscathed; the second time, he wasn't so lucky and he ended up losing all the feeling in his left arm after taking a dose of apathy to his elbow. It should be easier now that he knows the twists and the turns of the place like the back of his hand, but this is the Head they've infiltrated — the passcodes of the city hall are changed every three days and pathways take a wild turn every other day. It's predictably unpredictable.

He hears Kyungsoo's light grumbling in his earpiece. He needs to be recalibrated before the turn of the day, or at least before the chief of the organization meets up with them in the morning. You have to be more careful next time, Kyungsoo says. Yixing narrowly misses running into a thin sheet of glass — these are neurosensors, and the slightest contact will stick apathy to his skin like a leech. If the Neurotics catch you, they'll never—

"Not now, Kyungsoo." He looks around, checking for any sign of the machine he's looking for. "Where's the main diffuser? It's not on the third floor anymore."

He slips back into the darkness when a group of Jungs walks by — Apathy guns snapped to their belts, slender clubs fastened to their right leg — one of them is whispering into a mouthpiece. Walk straight ahead, then take a left two blocks in. There's a gold rotogate, Kyungsoo says. Yixing looks around again, then takes measured steps as he crosses over to the other side. Be careful.

"I'll need to have you checked when I get back. You're tipping off again," Yixing teases, then takes a deep breath.

He takes big strides until he reaches a corner, then makes a sharp turn when he sees another Jung passing by. He keeps his steps light and quiet as he approaches the rotogate, and he slips inside, narrowly missing one of the Jungs on patrol. "This is it? This large machine here? It looks… different," he whispers into the receiver, and Kyungsoo grunts in response before saying, I packed a few extra vials there. I never know what you're concocting these days.

"You know everything about me," Yixing replies, and takes out two vials — a green and a pink one. He fishes for a slightly bigger vial from the inside pocket of his coat, then pours the content of the two vials, the pink and green fluid swirling and melding into a sick shade of purple. With a deep breath, he pours the contents into the tube, watching the dull liquid draw patterns on the transparent tube and roll down its length, a puff of white air painting the purple liquid a wash of white.

The nearest Jung is five minutes away. There's a window just beside the rotogate. The van's waiting outside.

The sound of the alarms grows louder, and Yixing slips all three bottles in his pocket before heading out. Looking outside the window, he sees the expanse of black, feels the warm summer wind blowing and tickling his skin. The thin veil between Seoul and The Head disappears just as quickly as the breeze comes again, and Yixing climbs onto the ledge.

He rolls up his sleeves and takes a deep breath. He jumps.

The underground transfer to the Yeongdeungpo site takes half the time by land, but Kyungsoo has closed all paths leading to the hideout. "You're hot at the moment; what if you accidentally lead them to the headquarters?" Kyungsoo explains, and Yixing simply takes a deep breath as Kyungsoo drives away from the city hall.

"I'll run you by some tests, okay? Your negative levels are shooting up again." Kyungsoo makes a sound of protest for a while, and Yixing reaches over to ruffle his hair. "Nothing serious. Just need to check the numbers. Can't be too sure; the chief might call you out on your panic attacks."

Kyungsoo looks around before making a left, slowly transitioning to the second gear. "All founded on today's news. The concern's not baseless. Lucky you were wearing that mask," he says after a while, and Yixing looks to his left. He waits for the continuation, but there are a couple of Jungs up ahead. He can see Kyungsoo's grip tightening around the gear stick, and he hits the camouflage faster than Kyungsoo can advance the car. "Rude. I wanted to see how they'd react," Kyungsoo mumbles, and Yixing simply sinks in his seat, then pulls down the window.

"We rarely use the camo. My timing was perfect, admit it." Yixing chuckles. Outside the window, the Han glimmers and the warm wind blows, wrapping around Yixing's arm rested against the window. "And the operation went well. We should wake up to kinder beings on the streets."

Kyungsoo snorts. "We don't even take leisurely walks to the headquarters." There's the small twitch of the lip, then, "I mean the real HQ, not this—"

"Then we can change that. Tomorrow, I mean." He gives the river one last look before pulling the window up. He can see the Jungs guarding the entrance to the other side — Yeongdeungpo's security is relatively more lax than that of the capital's, but Yixing presses the camouflage button another time, nonetheless. A small smile tugs up at the corners of Kyungsoo's lips, and Yixing finally feels the knots in his stomach loosen, coming off completely as they pass the border and turn left, taking the Olympic expressway.

"Wake up early, then." Kyungsoo's hands have regained their normal color, and the corners of his eyes lift. "Unless you want to wake up to Sonyeoshidae again. I changed it from last time."

"Gee?" Yixing asks as he unfastens his seatbelt. Kyungsoo quickly places a hand on his thigh as if saying, you're not dying in my van, not tonight. Gingerly, he snaps it back on, then tries again. "Genie?"

Kyungsoo laughs a little. "Run Devil Run."

Yixing can see the cherry blossoms in the distance now — they haven't lost their beauty despite beings losing the ability to feel. He can still remember the pictures he'd pulled up after cleaning out the attic — humans laughing, hitting each other on the arm, crying. There's dancing and people looking at each other in the eye, and there's something behind those gazes that just tells Yixing that there's more to it than meets the eye. The Recalibration has taken the magic away from humans, stripping them down to beings who receive measured doses of emotions every quarter and are required to see emotions mechanics twice a year to keep their emotions in check.

Nobody wants emotional baggage, he remembers the chief saying. Humans do, he wanted to retort then, but he's in the minority — not everyone has access to the archives, or had the slightest inkling of how the society was before The Recalibration took place. He's lucky to have graduated from the academy with high distinction, lucky to have been given a relatively free pass to the second level, but he had to fight his way up the ranks. This is the closest he can get to the top — vice-chief of engineers, the first ever Conscientious to ever be promoted to a senior engineer position.

"Sometimes I wonder if you're actually an Extrovert, or maybe even Emotional. I never know when you're in the mood to be adventurous," Yixing whispers, eyes still fixed on Kyungsoo as Kyungsoo pulls up at the driveway. There's still a ten-minute walk from here to the gates to the headquarters, so Kyungsoo can't run. It's not as if this is a question; Yixing never asks, only ever states things and waits for beings to react, so he waits — for Kyungsoo to raise an eyebrow at him, for the familiar curl of the lips and the scoff that sounds more like a snort. He turns down the radio and Kyungsoo keeps the key there, inserted in the keyhole, until he shakes his head and laughs a little.

"You know I'm a pure Open," Kyungsoo replies, feeling for his phone in his pockets. "I'm cautiously curious. It's a pretty weird mix."

"It's a nice balance," Yixing quips. Kyungsoo turns off the engine, then turns to him with small smile. "Guess I won't have to do my checks, hmm?"

Kyungsoo shakes his head as they slip out of the van, feet landing on the grass with a soft 'thud'. "Maybe I'm the one who should be keeping you in check, mister star engineer," Kyungsoo teases, and Yixing laughs — low, faint, measured — before hitting Kyungsoo lightly on the arm.

In the darkness of Yeongdeungpo, with the warm summer breeze blowing at them and prickling their skin, Yixing feels a bit more vulnerable.

He feels a bit human.

Sonyeoshidae's song comes in at the same time that he rouses from his sleep, accompanied with a tiny jerk of the body. Yixing feels around for the alarm, bumping into Kyungsoo's hand somewhere along the way — they're sharing a bed today because Kyungsoo had already tumbled into his bed by the time he came out of the shower, and he knew better than to wake Kyungsoo up at an irregular hour. He snatches the phone just underneath Kyungsoo's palm, running his thumb along the big dots, scribbling Kyungsoo's unlock pattern. He makes a face at the chemical equation displayed on the screen, solving it as quickly as possible just so the alarm will stop sounding off.

"Change your fucking alarm quiz to physics," he says as he nudges Kyungsoo in his side, relenting only when Kyungsoo stirs and starts sniffing. "I can't balance equations at six in the morning."

"Then set your own alarm."

Yixing stares for a while, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with the back of his hand. "Too much work," he mumbles. Kyungsoo finally looks up, eyebrows furrowed slightly, but this is nothing like the look he normally fashions at work, when there are too many things to be done and too many beings to be kept track of and dealt with. "Two hours to recalibrate," he whispers, then chews on air, on his own lips. If there's a lesson to be learned, it's that his body is telling him to slow down, no more fancy missions, Zhang Yixing. You're too old for this. "I heard they're serving juk today."

The corners of Kyungsoo's mouth curve up. "Oh? We have a new recruit?"

"Couldn't hear the announcement over Sonyeoshidae," Yixing comments. He leans back, narrowly avoiding the jab Kyungsoo aims at him, and sticks out his tongue before slipping into the bathroom. "Dibs!"

"No fair—"

He shuts the door even before he can take a pillow to the face and quickly turns on the shower.

Taking refuge in the Yeongdeungpo headquarters means having to take the train all the way to Cheongdamdong at seven in the morning, which means having to deal with a Kyungsoo who's slightly more indulgent than he usually is. Beings aren't as perfect as they're supposed to be at such an early hour, but the Central Nervous Server at Namsan lets loose a stream of stabilizers in the air that snaps beings into their perfect selves at exactly nine in the morning. Pretty creepy, Yixing says, mostly to himself, and he closes his eyes as he lets the warm water wash away whatever is left of his lethargy and fatigue.

He massages his waist lightly, careful not to rub too much on the sore spot. He winces when he presses a bit too hard — his body's berating him again, for taking on this double life. Emotions engineers aren't supposed to be sneaking out emotions in vials from the facility and slipping the liquid into diffusers in government offices. It's not part of his job description. And yet—

Pictures of people dancing, smiling brightly at each other, laughing without restraint. People hugging and looking at each other with something described as want and need. People acting like humans, not beings who might as well be robots who are slightly less perfect, but perfect enough to not spark another civil war.

At first, he'd thought he just needed to pour a hundred mL of joy into the diffuser. It turns out that human emotions — feeling human — isn't just about being happy.

He lathers shampoo on his scalp and massages it thoroughly. Foam catches on his eyelashes, and he shuts them as tight as he can, willing the memories away.

The lines of people in the train station are slightly more jagged than the usual. Yixing scans the crowd — shoulders hunched, the corners of the lips pulled up in an easy smile, no creases on foreheads even as they approach the end of the line. Kyungsoo's scribbling notes on his notepad, and Yixing lets his eyes linger on each frame — the mother carrying her child in her arms, nuzzling the baby's nose; the office worker who can't be bothered to fix his loose tie; two students chattering, voices soaring above the sound of shuffling footsteps and beeps whenever people pass the turnstile leading to the holding area for passengers.

The lights dim as two Jungs pass the center turnstiles, and Yixing lets out a loud exhale as spines snap straight and eyes widen. Beside him, Kyungsoo grunts and stuffs his notepad in his bag.

The headquarters is less than ten minutes away from Gangnam station, but Yixing takes leisurely steps as they look around, Kyungsoo whispering information into his wrist watch. Yixing feels the heaviness in his shoulders lift when he catches sight of Baekhyun and Jongdae passing near the entrance, waving at them with big smiles. The letters E, M, and O glare at him, sunlight catching on the gold plating — Emotions Management and Operations Headquarters, the tiny text at the bottom says. Years after and he still can't seem to get the timing down, and he shields his eyes from the glare as he swipes his ID to clock in.

"So, they're serving juk," Baekhyun says, a grin stretched across his lips. Past the lobby of the headquarters, EMO is the safest place to show an excess of emotion and maybe a bit of vulnerability — Kyungsoo pinches Baekhyun in his side and Jongdae takes a step back, narrowly avoiding Yixing ruffling his hair. The government trusts the mechanics and the engineers enough to not screw things up. More of a token for the workers here keeping the masses emotionally stable, Yixing remembers the chief mentioning one time, during one of those nights they'd spent in the laboratories, staying up late to finish a new emotion stabilizer in time. Next to the rich, engineers and mechanics are the ones who can easily afford emotions.

"It's just juk," Yixing retorts. They take a right turn, falling in line as they wait for the elevator. "What if it's just the government's way of—"

"The last time the cafeteria served that, Baekhyunnie was inducted into the organization and you—" Jongdae nods in Yixing's direction, stressing his point. "You got promoted. So, two things — either I'm getting promoted, or we have a new recruit." Jongdae laughs a little, then quickly covers his mouth with his hand when one of the engineers in front of them shoots him a stern look. "Unless they're planning to surprise me with a promotion, it's got to be the latter."

"The day they serve good coffee is the day I get Yixing's position," Kyungsoo quips, and Baekhyun pulls Yixing between him and Kyungsoo, snorting only when he's sure he's well out of Kyungsoo's grasp. "The way I see it, we're stuck. Minseok's not getting demoted anytime soon."

Yixing hums, and the lift finally arrives. The soft 'ding' sends shivers down his spine. "Unless…"

"Unless?"

He shakes his head and laughs a little. "Nah, he probably won't."

The cafeteria is already packed with people by the time they arrive. The tables have been pushed to the side to make room for the platform in the middle — just a slight elevation, enough to draw attention to it. There's a podium at the center, and Baekhyun drowns out the noise of the engineers and mechanics around them by talking about a recent discovery on the wonders of singing and how it can temporarily alleviate anxiousness. "That's why Neurotics love going to concerts — the stress from making sure the masses get just the right dosage of emotions drives them so crazy that they need the music to ease their mind," Baekhyun explains, hands caught up in elaborate gestures.

"I still don't get why they want to keep the resources to themselves." Yixing snatches the tray from Baekhyun and gives him a small smile before continuing. "There's more than enough for all of us — for everyone to feel human again. Won't it be easier to just let things take their natural course? Let the masses know that it's okay to feel too happy or too excited or—"

A bowl of juk is placed on the counter in front of Yixing, and he gives the lady a curt nod before taking some side dishes from the table at the side. Jongdae snorts, maybe even scoffs, and he follows Yixing, giving the lady a small smile.

"And have them lose money by the thousands?" Jongdae exhales loudly, then bumps his hips into Yixing's side. "Nu-uh. No way in hell are they—"

Kyungsoo clears his throat and Yixing quickly looks over his shoulder, taking in the way Kyungsoo lightly cocks his his head to the right. "You'll want to be careful. It's not just us here, kids," he says, and Yixing just nods slowly, laughter bubbling on his lips as they take one of the few vacant tables near the platform.

The light dims, and the chattering slowly comes to a halt as the sound of footsteps break the silence. There are two Jungs walking alongside Minseok, and trailing him are two beings, the taller one wearing a black cloak and the smaller one wearing white. The bright shade of their hair makes Yixing squint and furrow his eyebrows hard in an effort to make out the details of their faces through the bright rays of the sun. Platinum blond, Yixing registers, and an image of a big body of water comes to mind. Then there are mountains, then a lighthouse, and buildings and houses that look a lot like those in Seoul but not quite. He remembers the soft cries of a baby and warm arms enveloping him.

"Busan?" he whispers, and he doesn't look to his side when Kyungsoo shoots him a glance.

Minseok steps on the platform and looks around, addressing the crowd as he bows slightly and wears a small smile. He's drumming his fingers on his thighs — Yixing hasn't spent days working alongside Minseok to not know that this means Minseok's excited and wary, but more of really content that he's finally found a solution to a challenge the government has posed to them or maybe finally spotted that one flaw in the stabilization solution that they've been looking for for the past hour and a half. "I hope everyone's enjoying the juk," he begins, stepping closer to the microphone as he speaks. "Because I definitely did."

Minseok looks over his shoulder, at the two new recruits standing a few feet away, and smiles before turning back to the crowd. "As you all probably know by now, two people will be joining us. A big round of applause for our two new recruits!"

Kyungsoo methodically unpeels his fingers from the utensils and claps, eyes focused even as he slides his elbow in Baekhyun's side in an effort to keep Baekhyun from dropping comments. Jongdae's clapping more enthusiastically than ever, and Yixing finds himself staring at the shorter man longer than the usual — the face is familiar but not quite, like a stranger he'd once bumped into or maybe one of those students in emotions engineering class who kept him on his toes, always managing to snag the top spot. There are more unwilling subjects here, some mechanics and engineers two tables away, and Yixing finally joins in the clapping, studying the new recruits' faces.

"They are some of the finest workers in the Busan chapter of EMO, so please treat them with a lot of respect," Minseok continues. He then gestures for the two to move closer to where he is, and they follow without a trace of hesitation. "This is Kim Jongin, the youngest senior mechanic in Busan, and this is Kim Joonmyun, top-notcher in the licensure exam for emotions engineers. They will be here with us momentarily to work on a couple of Busan's special projects that require the technology of the Gangnam headquarters. They won't be getting in the way of our operations, so everything should be fine."

The taller man — Kim Jongin — smiles a little, and bows as Minseok rests a hand on the small of his back. His face is chiseled, but his eyes are soft and the corners of his lips tug up too easily at the sound of applause. He looks too meek for a person who has to deal with beings closely and on a daily basis, but he seems exactly like the kind of mechanic who could easily persuade the younger beings to take their required emotions dosage despite the bitter aftertaste. Youngest senior mechanic, he manages to make out from the movement of Baekhyun's lips, and he can already tell that Baekhyun's assessing his newest rival.

And then there's Kim Joonmyun whose vacant expression is only visible in his eyes, while the corners of his mouth curl up in a smile that can be both pretty and pensive. Yixing squints harder — it's a perfect calculated smile, about a centimeter of displacement from the original position of the corners of the lips, and Yixing wonders for a moment if he's looking at a robot and not a being who's supposed to manifest only one emotion at a time.

He feels a pressing weight on his shoulder, and only then does he take note of Kyungsoo's warmth against his side. "It's rude to stare," Kyungsoo whispers, still clapping, and Yixing just nods, his eyes flitting from Joonmyun to Jongin, then back again.

Baekhyun mixes up the seating arrangement when he returns from his second round of juk, with Jongin and Joonmyun trailing him. There's more of the boyish smile on Jongin's lips as they make their way to the table, and Yixing only catches the last bit where Baekhyun explains the daily routine of mechanics. "Ultimately, we just make sure we give EMO a good name while making sure the beings are stable," Baekhyun says now through a mouthful of juk. Some of it spills from the corner of his lips, and Kyungsoo reaches up, wiping off the stray food. Joonmyun furrows his eyebrows, but it happens too quickly — Yixing blinks and it's gone, the tightness in the corners of Joonmyun's lips, the dip of the furrow of his eyebrows. "And that Yixing doesn't kill us for getting the dosage instructions wrong. Engineers are far more meticulous than us mechanics."

Kyungsoo scoffs. "Only you would make the mistake of giving 10mL of joy to a being who looks like he's had too much to drink." Baekhyun's lips are parted as if he's about to say something, but Kyungsoo doesn't give him the chance to, quickly adding, "Lucky Jongdae was there to make sure you wouldn't screw things up." He turns to Joonmyun and Jongin now, a small smile on his lips. "Do Kyungsoo, one of the senior engineers. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Joonmyun and Jongin bow at the same time, and Jongdae chuckles when they snap back up, straightening their spines.

"That was five years ago," Baekhyun whines. He frowns at Kyungsoo now, and Kyungsoo steals whatever is left of his juk, eating the porridge with a small smile on his lips.

"Joonmyun's really meticulous," Jongin says after a while, cocking his head in Joonmyun's direction. Joonmyun looks up with a small smile, and Yixing notes the more relaxed state of his cheeks, the corners of his lips curved up in a more natural manner. I should probably run some checks, Yixing makes a mental note, but Jongin's deep voice cuts through his thoughts like an unwanted intrusion. "Checks and double-checks everything, always worried that he might miss a tiny detail—"

"Oh? Are you an Open?" Yixing asks. Joonmyun meets him head on, crinkles at the corners of his eyes as he laughs a little. Maybe he isn't too unstable, but Yixing should do his checks, nonetheless. "Kyungsoo's quite the worry-wart on his worst days."

"Which is everyday," Baekhyun quips. He turns to Kyungsoo, scowling when he takes a jab to his arm. "Fucking ow."

Another wave of introductions when Jongdae returns from getting everyone a glass of orange juice, and Joonmyun and Jongin have somehow carved a space for themselves in the conversation. Jongin talks about specializing in youth engineering and watching children closely, while Joonmyun ends up answering the question Yixing had posed earlier. "I'm&madsh;" One corner of his mouth twitches, like he's stuck between having to smile and actually wanting to. "I'm a Conscientious," he continues after a while. "I get mistaken for a lot of other emotion classes, though."

Jongdae nods slowly. "Well, aren't you an interesting kid… You seemed like an Agreeable."

"I can be a number of things." Joonmyun winks, light and easy, and it seems to fit him more than the tight-lipped smile Yixing had seen him wearing earlier. Jongin makes an amused sound at the back of his throat, and Joonmyun whispers what seems to be a small apology. Yixing hasn't seen a being be apologetic for wearing a certain brand of confidence, not since Baekhyun had been promoted to a senior position. That was years ago, when all Yixing thought of was how to rise through the ranks and hadn't engaged himself in secret missions just yet.

He misses it.

He bites the inside of his cheek when he feels his muscles protest. The Jungs passing by stop at their area for a good ten seconds before walking away, making their way to the buffet table. There's still a thin veil of tension a few seconds after and Joonmyun stands from his seat, excusing himself to get some hot chocolate.

Yixing follows him with his eyes.

Baekhyun and Jongdae act as Jongin's tour guide for the rest of the day, arms locked with Jongin's own as they show him around the offices of the mechanics and the laboratories in the fifth and sixth floors. Joonmyun becomes quiet company as they visit each laboratory, and Kyungsoo explains the function of each room with a patience that can be thinning with each word spilling from his lips — the corners of his mouth quiver whenever Joonmyun lingers longer than expected in a room, looking around and studying each device. "The Busan labs are much, much simpler," Joonmyun explains after a while, when Kyungsoo begins to take steps forward as if preparing to leave. Yixing raises both eyebrows and nods as Joonmyun continues, "We didn't have these… big machines, contraptions. We did everything with our hands."

A faint oh escapes Kyungsoo's lips as he looks over his shoulder. "Not even diffusers?"

Joonmyun chuckles, the first sliver of laughter Yixing has heard from him since Baekhyun cracked a really bad joke over breakfast. His voice is light and soft and scratchy around the edges — an interesting contrast. "Nah, not even," Joonmyun says after a while, tracing the letters spelling out EMOTIONS ARCHIVES in big letters. "We're less than forty there in the Busan HQ, and we got paired off — one mechanic and engineer per district." His eyes flit instantly to Jongin when Jongin passes by — more like gets dragged by Jongdae and Baekhyun to the library, taking the stairs to the seventh floor. "Jongin and I were a team, got assigned to Haeundae. We… kept the vials cold in a mobile cooler. Kept them warm like hens trying to hatch eggs."

"You sat on them?" Yixing asks now, mortified. Minseok would maim them if they ever applied pressure on test tubes and vials containing emotions.

"Ah—" Joonmyun laughs some more, lips hidden behind his tiny hand. "Now there's some emotion."

Yixing looks around, and only then does he realize that Kyungsoo has long walked off, now waving at them at the end of the aisle. All trace of the prim and proper Kim Joonmyun has dissolved into laughter, bright and shrill, and Yixing takes the sound in, the highs and lows of it, the way Joonmyun's eyes disappear into slits, the way the corners of his eyes crinkle and his cheeks tug up, and files all the information at the back of his mind for analysis later on, when he's alone in the labs and well out of Kim Joonmyun's sight.

"I was beginning to think you'd look lost forever," Joonmyun whispers when he leans in, then takes a few steps forward when Kyungsoo waves at them for a second time, mouthing, come on, we haven't got all day!

Stable. Forever stable, Yixing corrects in his mind. He takes a deep breath and walks straight ahead, looking past Joonmyun and straight at the door of the laboratory at the end of the corridor.

It's almost nine in the evening when the other engineers start to clock out and lock up the laboratories. Yixing waves over his shoulder, only looking back when he hears Baekhyun and Jongdae's voices soaring above the collective sound of farewells. "Got some data to run," he says, and slips from the thickening crowd even before the swarm of people can carry him away.

those can wait :c, Kyungsoo says over text. Yixing's laughs a little, grateful that he doesn't have to deal with Kyungsoo's steady gaze that he's only even been able to say 'no' to once — when he was sick and nursing a 40-degree fever. He certainly doesn't want that to happen again. i'm grabbing dinner with the kids in a while. you up for sinsa?

no, not tonight. sorry :c i'll make it up 2 u? He looks around before keying in his code, and the first layer of defenses gives way, the sliding doors retreating to the sides. entering the lab now, gotta go. have fun!!!

Yixing isn't so much a fan of big places — he prefers small ones, or confinements that give him just the right amount of breathing space but keep him locked up in silence so that he can think without distractions. This laboratory in particular, being connected to the archives, is the biggest on the sixth floor, and all the emptiness on either side of Yixing swallows him up, spits him out like he isn't meant to be there. He shivers a little, then reaches out to turn up the temperature. Intense heat and cold are bad for dosages of emotions, after all, fully cultured or otherwise.

He loads the collected data from yesterday's operation, smiling a little when he sees that the optimism levels have gone up across the charts. Hope is the strongest at 57%, the highest the scale has seen prior to Yixing dispersing extra baggages of emotion into the government's diffusers. Joy and peace are at a respectable 51%, and Yixing takes note of the 30% score for love, frowning when he sees the dull shade of red on the chart.

"We'll get you up, little buddy," he whispers, face dangerously close to the projection, until he hears light shuffling, the sound of footsteps growing louder. He minimizes the windows before looking over his shoulder, and he exhales loudly when Joonmyun's face comes into focus — lips pressed together in a tight smile, the corners of his eyes curving up a little in fragments of the smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Didn't think you'd be working overtime, not on your first day."

Yixing is the last to swipe out of the labs, the strap of his ID leaving patches of bright red on his skin. It's been there long enough to leave scars, but the lanyard gets better each year — it's the long hours that leave marks on him like he's battered and abused. "You always stay behind after work?" Joonmyun asks now as they cross the road, and Yixing digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I've been trying not to," he replies, laughing lightly. The end of spring usually brings warmer weather, but the forecast says they're getting colder nights this week. He pulls up the edges of Joonmyun's scarf when he catches sight of Joonmyun's nose burning a bright shade of red. Joonmyun sort of flinches, but he keeps the smile there like a habit. "I shouldn't be straining myself anymore. My waist has been complaining."

"Oh?" Joonmyun pulls away, walking along the edge of the sidewalk with his arms outstretched. The streets are usually wiped clean of cars at this hour, and Joonmyun exhibits no signs of apprehension as he takes tiny yet quick steps. "You do sports? I didn't know engineers had lives outside of the lab."

Yixing hums. His mind goes back to his childhood, days spent holed up in his room, listening to cassette tapes on his Walkman as his parents watched documentaries on the early stages of The Recalibration. "I used to be a dancer, before I entered university. I wanted to be a performer before I got into blowing things up."

Joonmyun chuckles this time, then lands on the cemented street with a soft "thud". "I don't think blowing things up is part of our job description," he teases, and Yixing smiles a little. "But I know what you mean. My parents caught me setting fire to a mix of rubbing alcohol and crushed flowers." He laughs weakly, but it's bright enough to make Yixing wiggle his fingers and shake the sleep off of his system.

"And?"

"And now I'm here, in Gangnam, miles away from my hometown."

Joonmyun digs his hands into the pockets of his coat and buries his nose in the scarf. The wind blows harder, tousling Joonmyun's hair. Yixing waits for the catch, because there's a peculiar curve on the curl of Joonmyun's lips when the pulls the scarf down, a curve that Yixing has never seen in anyone before, not in the many years that he has studied the lives of beings closely and carefully. "I can't say it's any different from where I am now," Joonmyun continues after a while, kicking at the ground as they wait for the traffic light to turn red. "The roads are just narrower here, and—"

"The labs are bigger," Yixing finishes. He pulls Joonmyun back by the wrist when he sees a car speeding in front of them. "And there are more risk-takers."

Joonmyun gives him a long, hard look, the bright red of the traffic light catching on his eyes just before they cross the street. "Stupid people," he thinks he hears Joonmyun whispering, but Joonmyun's looking straight ahead now, and the wind's blowing too hard, and if there's anything that Yixing could have heard, anything that could have messed up his hearing, it's probably the wind howling in his ears.

He nods slowly and takes a step forward, dragging Joonmyun along. Joonmyun doesn't shake him off, but he does look at Yixing's grip on his wrist, and maybe if the lights were brighter in this part of Gangnam, if they'd left earlier, he'd see the light furrow of Joonmyun's eyebrows. He waits for the past where Joonmyun wiggles his hand free from his grasp, but it never comes. When Joonmyun prepares to head off in a different direction, though, saying that his things are in the Hongdae boarding house, Jongin is there, and he can't sleep when he's alone, Yixing loosens his grip and lets his hand drop to his side.

"See you," he calls out before turning on his heel. He can feel the dull ache of body heat burning a hole in his palm. It stings.

He gets up earlier than the usual the following day and heads to work without waking Kyungsoo up.

There's nothing but silence and darkness in the laboratories when he arrives. He clocks in, swiping his ID and heading straight to the laboratory in the middle, legs acting completely on muscle memory. Sometimes, he isn't certain if he actually knows what he's doing or if his body has just gotten used to everything already — waking up, traveling from Bucheon to Gangnam and to other parts of Korea at odd times of the day, mixing emotions and watching the colors of the liquids blend in a vial, wondering how it would be if he took a pure shot of a combination of all emotions to his pulse. He takes a couple of vials in his hand — two for every emotion — and takes two drops of each in a flask. The colors swirl in the Petri dish, coming together in a translucent gray.

He frowns at the mixture. It's as unattractive as being emotional, too caught up in too many feelings, but as mysterious as the footages of humans staring at each other, gazes holding out longer than the usual.

He hears a beep in the distance, and he quickly transfers the mixture into a vial, tucking it in his inside pocket before arranging the other vials on top of the table.

Joonmyun's at the door when Yixing turns around. Beside him, Jongin's rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, lab coat hanging awkwardly from his shoulders. Joonmyun adjusts Jongin's coat when Yixing's stare lingers. "I was paranoid we'd be late. Didn't think it wouldn't take too long to get from Hongdae to Gangnam. I mean, I'm so used to Busan being—"

Yixing stretches his arms behind his back, motioning for the two to come inside. Jongin is quick to claim one of the seats, sinking in it as he throws his head back and closes his eyes. "Does it still take more than thirty minutes to get from one place to another?" Yixing asks, and Joonmyun raises an eyebrow at him, a corner of his mouth tugged up.

"You've been to Busan before?"

"Hmm. Way, way back, when I was so much younger." He folds his legs, sitting on his calves as he loads the heat measurement program to check on the emotional peaks today. "When I was… five or six? Maybe even younger."

Joonmyun takes one of the swiveling chairs, copying Yixing's pose as he settles down. "You do seem like a Busan boy. Or Bucheon, maybe. Bucheon's a good mix of the old and the new."

On the map, Myeongdong is a bright shade of orange at eight in the morning, the color fading out to a lighter yellow only somewhere in Insadong and Anggukdong. "I don't think you should be making baseless assumptions," Yixing teases, then draws the projection closer until he can trace a circle around Hongdae with his index finger. He makes a mental note to talk Kyungsoo into going to Namdaemun tonight, sneak into the National Treasury again, maybe even bring Jongdae and Baekhyun for a nice, long talk after the mission. It's been a while since he's last worked with the two on something not entirely related to work.

"Black clouds," Joonmyun points out, drawing a line from Hongdae, across the Han and down to Sinsadong. "I'd expected bright oranges of blues, but not blacks."

"Bright blue? You mean depression? Why would you—"

"When you have too many emotions in your system, you get overwhelmed and you shut down. It's almost the same case with depression. You just… turn the light off." He snaps his fingers, and Yixing leans back at the flicker of sound. "Just like that. Then it would take much longer to get beings out of that state."

Yixing worries his bottom lip. "Not really. A higher dosage of joy should be enough."

"But depression is consuming, eats you up like—" Joonmyun makes clawing gestures on his chest, and Yixing laughs a little. The way Joonmyun's face contorts isn't supposed to be funny, not when he's in his zone and explaining how negative emotions work, but his lips are jutted out and his eyebrows are furrowed and the whole scenario doesn't go well with Joonmyun whose face is all smooth curves and light dips. "Takes everything that you love and throws it away."

Yixing's nodding slowly by the time Joonmyun ends, a small smile on a corner of his lips. "Sounds pretty exciting," he replies, and Joonmyun leans closer, eyebrows furrowed in disbelief as he echoes, Exciting? There's a little more than a few words brimming on Joonmyun's lips, like he wants to ask, how can it be exciting?, and Yixing just shrugs as he continues, "But it's not something we should be worrying about. We've got everything under control." He finishes with a small smile that makes Joonmyun lean back into his chair again, hands clasped on his thighs. He likes that, somehow assuaging uncertainty and fear with choice words and a smile, by releasing more positive emotions in the air at half past ten in the evening, and running away from Jungs that will lock him up in an asylum as a way of teaching him lesson. "So relax. You're always so… quick to react," he says after a while.

"You've only known me for 48 hours, Yixing," Joonmyun mumbles. Yixing laughs, because Joonmyun is right and there's nothing else to retort with. "You can't say that."

"Defensive, then," he bites back, grinning at Joonmyun when Joonmyun presses his lips thinly together as he pouts at Yixing. namdaemun tonight. i want to test out something, he texts Kyungsoo, and minimizes the heat measurement window.

"Breakfast?" he asks Joonmyun, and it takes Joonmyun longer than expected to nod in response. And then look up Kim Joonmyun once and for all, he reminds himself. Joonmyun nods, doesn't speak until they reach the cafeteria and the noise of all the people drowns out the tiny voices in Yixing's ears. Joonmyun's voice sticks out like a sore thumb, louder than Sonyeoshidae singing in his ears at six in the morning. Depression is consuming, Joonmyun's voice echoes, and Yixing has never felt more grateful for Baekhyun's early morning noise when they finally find a table, grateful for Jongin's small sounds of amusement as Jongdae tells him about having to deal with young beings today.

"I don't know why I keep doing this with you."

Yixing laughs a little, reaching out to ruffle Kyungsoo's hair before double-checking if he brought the gray translucent liquid he'd mixed earlier. "I keep thinking you'll blow things up someday," Kyungsoo adds, and he fastens a clip on the collar of Yixing's shirt before pushing him away. "I've been making the worst decisions since we've met. I need to go see a mechanic."

"Who takes his cue from emotions engineers because engineers can't put emotions into words half the time. And oh, we're emotions engineers! What do you know…" Yixing laughs a little, and Kyungsoo only rolls his eyes in respone. "Besides, this is for the greater good. Relax." Yixing winks at him, then studies the map laid out on front of him. There are bright red marks on the map, indicators of the presence of beings, possibly Jungs, in the area. "If I release the emotion compounds here, will the Jungs start handing out money? What do you think?"

"I think you should get moving," Kyungsoo replies, the grin on his lips too tight at the corners. Yixing plans to appease him later with food, but food stores close in five minutes; there's no way he's rushing a mission that involves a serum that contains five different emotions. And Kyungsoo cooks better home-made food. There's always a way to make someone happy, somehow.. "Fifteen minutes, tops. More if you can make the Jungs get a whiff of peace. The one at the gate is… glowing a bright yellow at the center." He shoots Yixing a glance, and Yixing notes the quick faltering of the small smile. "Not risking you getting beaten up by a Jung high on anger. Ten minutes, Yixing."

Live a little, he'd tell Kyungsoo if they were much younger, but they're 30-year-olds now. The government will be matching them up with women next year, run their data and look for a perfect match for them, then extract their emotions to create a new life form. They don't have the leisure of acting like kids and playing around anymore, knowing too well the repercussions of letting their emotions get the better of them. "Buy me time?" he says, instead. "Then I'll buy you good coffee."

"Get your ass out there and just come out alive," Kyungsoo says for the last time, and Yixing hits the camouflage button before getting out of the van and making his way to the entrance.

Part of being a dancer, he eventually discovers, is that he has better control over his limbs than most people — Jongdae, for example, who trips over his own feet as frequently as he changes his underwear. It was in P.E. class back in university when he'd gotten conclusive proof, and he'd swiftly avoided a couple of punches that were thrown at him after conning his dance partner into dancing the cha-cha with him. The cha-cha is for girls, his partner had said, and Yixing raised an eyebrow at him, laughing lightly as he said, "The cha-cha is for everyone. You just don't know how to dance without a partner to carry you through."

"You don't want to mess with a big guy like him," one of his classmates had said after the ruckus, walking up to him with an ice pack. "Here. I don't… use this that much, but—" He'd worried his bottom lip, and Yixing cocked his head, looking at the ice pack with great interest. "I get that, too. Punches. To the gut. I'd punch them back but my mind reacts quicker than my hands."

"You have tiny fists," Yixing had replied, but took the ice pack and smiled. "Zhang Yixing. I guess we should… form a club? People who get bullied for—"

"Being amazing," the boy had finished. "Do Kyungsoo. And I'd advise against that." The corners of Kyungsoo's lips quirked up. Yixing had felt something inside him lurch then, a surge of acid clawing at his throat. "Getting into trouble will get me a D and I can't… afford that."

"A secret society, then," Yixing had offered, and beamed up at Kyungsoo. "Nice to meet you, Do Kyungsoo-ssi."

Take the stairs down to the basement, Kyungsoo says now. The diffuser's there. Don't forget the mask—

"I'm wearing it," Yixing whispers as he crouches and sticks a sedative patch to the back of a Jung's thigh. The Jung gasps, then falls on his knees; Yixing is careful not to make eye contact. "How many Jungs 'til I get there?"

Two, because the other one will sound off the alarms once he sees the Jung you've knocked out. The first response to fear is also fear, after all — it's consuming, overwhelming, crippling. Yixing takes a deep breath and visualizes the diffuser, imprints the image in his mind as he powers through the darkness. Another Jung up ahead — he ducks, well within the range of the shadows, and grabs the Jung by the ankle. The yelp quickly fades out as Yixing clasps a hand over the Jung's mouth, then sticks a sedative patch to his nape. Last one, to your right, Kyungsoo calls out, and Yixing grabs the Jung by the neck, placing a patch on his forehead. Good job, Mario. You've cleared the level.

"Gotta save Princess Peach now," Yixing says, breathing heavy as he makes his way to the basement. The diffuser is at the middle, unguarded, and he takes out one of the sprays Kyungsoo has developed before, the only mix that can counter the camouflage technology of his van. "Are you sure there aren't any traps here? I'm pretty—"

The spray doesn't lie. Just do it quickly, Kyungsoo replies. Yixing can hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line. The Jungs you've knocked out might wake up in a minute or two. Faster, Xing.

Yixing takes out the vial, swirling the liquid a little as he worries his bottom lip. When you have too many emotions in your system— What could possibly go wrong? He coughs loud enough to earn a grumble from Kyungsoo, and he quickly uncaps the vial, sealing his thumb over the opening and tilting the container to get some of the liquid on his thumb. He presses his finger on his pulse point, seething when the liquid stings his skin, then he leans forward to pour the mix into the funnel.

He counts to ten — his thumb feels numb and his pulse quickens and the veins in his temples throb, and he can feel his chest constricting, can feel his abdomen coiling. The machine gives a low whir, and he exhales loudly, watching as a green light turns on, signifying that the mixture has been accepted by the machine.

I can see the smoke out here, Kyungsoo says. Yixing can feel the rest of his hand going numb, so he shakes it, wills his blood to come rushing to the tips of his fingers. Two Jungs are slowly getting up. Get out now—

"Soo, I can't&dmash;" Yixing gulps hard, craning his neck as he searches for air, and images flash before his eyes — people dancing, people in each other's arms, Kyungsoo with his teeth-baring smile that only sees the light of the day when Baekhyun isn't cracking a joke. Jongdae waving at him enthusiastically too early in the morning. Jongin and the shy look he gives everyone he sees. Joonmyun's calculated smile, Joonmyun drawing a line from Hongdae to Gangnam, Joonmyun and his split-second reactions.

He closes his eyes, curling up as he falls on the floor, fists clenched against his shirt.

Yixing wakes up with a stinging pain in his right cheek and a heavy feeling in his chest. He looks at the wall clock — half past five in the morning — and looks around the room. This isn't the last thing he'd seen the night before — there was darkness, for sure, and the steady beeping filling the room with shrill sounds—

"Oh. You're finally awake."

He quickly shuffles away from the sound of the voice, letting loose a loud exhale when Kyungsoo's face comes into focus. "Don't— do that—" he says, voice cracking, and Kyungsoo simply shakes his head in response.

"Didn't do anything," Kyungsoo mutters, then straightens up on the seat beside Yixing's bed. He massages his arms for a while, and Yixing tries to convince himself that Kyungsoo hadn't spent the night watching him sleep — that would have been illogical, completely uncharacteristic of Kyungsoo. "You passed out last night, before the mission ended. I saved your sorry ass and, now, everything hurts."

"You came in, you broke into the bank, to…" Yixing remembers falling to the floor, his skin tickled by the cool sensation. He remembers seeing fuzzy, hazy shapes approaching him, gently coaxing him to get up and come on, Yixing, we have to get out! "What happened back there?"

"I don't know, but you do owe me good coffee." Kyungsoo locks his arms behind his back and stretches. Yixing can hear the crack of the bones, the rustling of his clothes. Kyungsoo has never been a fan of engaging in physical fights, prefers to tell people how to maneuver their way through a maze or a just a big mansion — Yixing does owe him good coffee and food, and maybe dessert. "Get up. I think I'll take longer than the usual, taking a bath."

"Should I go ahead, then?" Yixing asks. Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows at him, like there's something wrong with his face or he's gotten things mixed up, or maybe this is just Kyungsoo trying to make sense of things pre-coffee. It's always been quite a challenge and a chore. "Never mind, I'll… yeah. I'll freshen up."

He moves around their shared living space, snatching a polo from the closet and a fresh pair of pants and laying them down on his bed once he's done. He gives Kyungsoo one last look, returning the curious gaze Kyungsoo has followed him with, and offers a smile before slipping inside the bathroom.

He turns on the shower. The water comes crashing down, heavier than before. Every part of his body that the water washes over burns.

It takes a good six hours for Yixing to feel his hands again. He passes on breakfast and lunch, sneaking into the cafeteria an hour later than the usual to avoid the thick crowd and the noise that comes with it. He manages to convince Kyungsoo that working in the cafeteria alone isn't so bad, and that technology isn't the center of his work so, "I'll be fine with print outs and doodling on them, yes." He send the reports in neatly-written Hangul, passing by the mechanics department to turn in the documents before heading to the sixth floor.

He knocks on Kyungsoo's door twice as he passes by, steps slow and measured, and Kyungsoo only looks and smiles at him, questions kept at bay. Kyungsoo's self-restraint has always been best-in-class, and Yixing returns the gesture, bowing a little and mouthing, let's punch out early. He finally earns laughter from Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo dismisses him with a wave of the hand.

It's Joonmyun who welcomes him with a bright smile and a collision of limbs. "Great timing," Joonmyun says, a folder tucked under his arm. "I was hoping to run something by you. Minseok— I mean the chief, he said you were the most meticulous among the bunch."

"That would be Kyungsoo," Yixing replies, but smiles, anyway. He resumes in his tracks, heading to his laboratory. "For what project is this?"

"A… special one." Joonmyun looks around for a while, voice dropping to a whisper as he continues, "Something to do with human emotions."

Yixing snorts. Minseok knows him well. He holds the door for Joonmyun and locks it behind him, then keys in the passcode for the special projects mode. The glass walls take on a translucent gray, and Joonmyun chuckles a little, lips forming a tiny 'o' as he lays the folder down on the desk. The display of the computer flickers for a while,. It's been a while since he's last done this in the afternoon, and in the company of an engineer who isn't Kyungsoo — five to seven years ago, give or take, when their proposal to start injecting beings with human emotions again to see how their bodies would react was shot down. Minseok had supervised the project then, and had fought for it to be rolled out as soon as the emotions serum had been perfected. So Yixing thought, why not carry out the plan even if it's not yet ironed out? Nothing to lose.

Star Conscientious engineer, that's what people call him. Being the best entails a bit of craziness.

"What about them?" Yixing asks now. He clasps his hands together as he swivels his chair so that he's facing Joonmyun.

"I found the study you did before, a couple of years back." Joonmyun takes a sheet of paper from the folder and hands it over to Yixing. "You said there that mixing all the emotions might do the trick and make beings feel human again, but you were never able to test that out, right? And, well, I'm not entirely sure if just mixing all five emotions that have been discovered is the answer."

Yixing chuckles, quickly biting back the laughter when he sees Joonmyun furrow his eyebrows. "Yeah, I realized that a bit too late," he replies. He runs a finger along the text — a missing component, possibly uncertainty, must be developed to make the serum more 'human', it says. He takes a pencil from his desk and encircles 'uncertainty'. There's a formula for that somewhere in his archives. "Stopped actively looking for that 'missing component' after the government shot our idea down. Minseok too it the hardest; he put a lot of time and effort in that project."

"You were on to something, though. You shouldn't have stopped the operations."

"We were, we were." His voice drops to a whisper, and he plays with the edges of the sheet of paper for a while. "What did you want to know about human emotions, then?"

"Well…" Joonmyun worries his bottom lip and cocks his head slightly, eyebrows now furrowed. "It's not what I want to know; it's what I can offer. I… did a dissertation on human emotions."

"Oh?" Yixing leans in, tucking his chin on his clasped hands. "How did it go?"

"Best thesis, naturally," Joonmyun replies. A corner of his lips tugs up, sharp and quick, before he snorts. "And well, the biggest discovery was this tiny emotion that defines being human. It's what they have that we can never, ever feel because we've been trained to flush it out of our system. And we have regular check ups to make sure our emotion levels are, well, balanced."

"And the slightest disruption to the balance gets reported to the government." Yixing takes a deep breath. "We live for these things, beings going crazy."

"See? That's the thing — crazy is just excessive… happiness and your imagination going wild. We soak ourselves with all these positive emotions because the government tells us this is the closest we can get to being human. But the reality is that we only need that one negative— No, I wouldn't say it's negative. It's…"

"Something. An emotion." Yixing folds his legs and sits on them. "That's not as positive as it should be."

Yixing remembers curling up on the floor, remembers gasping for air and his shirt getting caught in the tight fist of his hand, remembers the feeling of sinking and falling into a dark, dark space, of leaving Kyungsoo and Jongdae and Baekhyun behind.

"Something so powerful and consuming that the government insists on containing it, because they know what humans are capable of when they feel this emotion," Joonmyun says. He takes a deep breath, and Yixing feels his throat tighten.

"They call it fear."

✪ ✪ ✪

"So what happened to clocking out early?"

Yixing looks over his shoulder and slips his glasses off the bridge of his nose. He hasn't had to wear his glasses in a while, but with all the articles he'd pulled up after that conversation with Joonmyun, the heaviness in his eyes has already become too much to bear. "My tummy's better now," he says after a while, then pats the seat beside his. "I think I can go for another two hours."

"You haven't had dinner yet."

"And you—" He reaches out, ruffling Kyungsoo's hair. Kyungsoo grumbles in response, and the low sound eases the knots in Yixing's stomach. Residual damage from getting carried away with his mission. "—I will do a full check-up on your after I finish this article because you've been grumpier than ever."

Kyungsoo gives him a long look, one he normally uses when he wants to weed information out of people. It usually works, but Yixing is much too engrossed in reading to even think of explaining what happened the night he collapsed. How do you explain lapse in judgment without coming off as stupid? Silence is always the safest answer.

"Whatever." Kyungsoo drops his hands to his sides, and he moves his seat closer to Yixing's. "You're reading these again? I thought you were over them."

"Oh come on. If I was over that project then I won't be…" Yixing motions with his hands, worrying his bottom lip before going on to say, "Doing what we usually do. I'm trying to look for a recipe for fear."

"Fear? Are you going to start a war or something?" Kyungsoo extends his legs, pointing his toes as he locks his arms in front of his chest. "Or are you feeling adventurous again?'

"Nah, not really. It's just—" Joonmyun's lips were pressed thinly when he talked about fear being the defining trait that made humans human, and he'd never seen that look before, like Joonmyun was clamoring for attention and help with the serious look on his face. Yixing isn't really expecting anything — he's poured so much time and effort into an attempt at rekindling human emotions that never came to fruition — but this new discovery, actually being able to pinpoint now that fear can be that one thing that they were lacking before, has sparked a fire in him that he's long put out. It's worth a shot. They were already so close to perfecting the serum when the government made them shut down the operation. They must have been doing something right then, for the government to pull out all stops at them.

"—I have a good feeling about it," Yixing finally continues. "I know it's all up in the air right now, but just the concept of adding that single, most powerful emotion ever to a spectrum of positive emotions already makes a lot of sense. There's a semblance of balance, but it's not completely perfect, and that's what the books say humans are, right?" He drums his fingers on the table and locks his eyes on the heading of the article projected on his screen — Civil war turned world war sparks fear in government, shuts down businesses. "All you need is science to make it possible."

Kyungsoo exhales loudly, frowning as he shakes his head lightly. "Why am I actually liking this idea…" His voice trails off, and Yixing can feel the corners of his lips tugging up in response.

He moves closer to Kyungsoo, their chairs bumping. Kyungsoo scowls when his hand gets trapped between the two, and Yixing simply laughs as Kyungsoo makes a face at him, one corner of Kyungsoo's lips betraying his frustration completely as it slowly tugs up.

Joonmyun appears at the doorstep of Yixing's laboratory three days after, envelopes and folders tucked under his arms as he gives Yixing a bright grin. "I've got more research material," he says, and proceeds to place all of the files on the empty desk nearby, arranging the folders into neat piles soon after. Yixing walks closer, peeking from Joonmyun's shoulders, and catches sight of sticky notes tacked to papers, notes scribbled on the small sheet. "I used some of these for my dissertation," Joonmyun mentions after a while, and Yixing walks to where the computer is, opening the tabs for the articles he managed to dig up.

"I see you've been doing a lot of reading," Joonmyun comments, looking over his shoulder. There's a small smile at the corner of his lips, and Yixing gets that weird, sinking sensation at the pit of his stomach again, where he's caught between throwing up and swallowing the feeling. He cracks his fingers. "Old material?"

"Been monitoring government activity, actually. I've seen a couple of Jungs making patrols here. They don't exactly do that on a normal basis, not here in the Gangnam office." He clicks on an album of the pictures Kyungsoo has sent him — four Jungs depositing their guns at the entrance but keeping the slender clubs, then heading to four different lifts. Two have disappeared completely, and the other two have been seen patrolling the fifth floor. "I don't know where the missing Jungs are. We'll have to be extra careful if we'll be studying human emotions. You know the Neurotics, they—"

"Freak out at the mere mention of restoring human emotions." Joonmyun moves his seat forward, swiveling closer to where Yixing is. He blows up the picture on the screen, leaning closer to the display as he studies the expression on the Jung's face more closely, and Yixing only furrows his eyebrows in response. Jungs only know panic and fear — any other emotion is not within their spectrum of feelings. "I know more about Neurotics than most..." Joonmyun worries his bottom lip, then continues, "than most beings."

Yixing waits for a follow up, Joonmyun expounding on the matter because he does that sometimes, explaining himself without really meaning to, but Joonmyun has already moved on to another album, pictures of beings taken right after the night Yixing had collapsed in the government building. Feelings, he thinks he hears Joonmyun whisper, but Joonmyun's face is unreadable again, lips pressed thinly together as his eyes scan the picture.

Unstable. Yixing thinks of fear and the fear of uncertainty. He can feel the rush of blood to the tips of his fingers, his toes, and when Joonmyun heaves a sigh, he sinks in his own seat.

He closes the tab and snatches one of the documents Joonmyun has brought over. An objective approach to this project must be taken. There's no other way to go.

"No, no, this won't work—"

Yixing takes the stabilizer spray and applies some of the solution on the emotions he's poured into the Petri dish. The past few hours have been spent working in his dimly-lit laboratory, the neat line he'd arranged the bottles of the five basic emotions — love, joy, peace, empathy, and hope — in now in a state of disarray. They've been reading more articles than the usual, and Yixing knows better than to strain their eyes all the more. Joonmyun's low humming and soft whispers offer a form of relief, though, so Yixing finds himself working near the desk Joonmyun has laid his papers down on to alleviate the fatigue of working too many late nights.

"You're going to get your fingers numb if you work without wearing gloves, you know," Joonmyun says, and Yixing simply grumbles as he slows down on spraying. "What is this supposed to be?"

"I'm trying a combination of depression and anger." Yixing worries his bottom lip as Joonmyun leans in, eyeing the mixture with great interest. "And I'm getting a pale green instead of a clear liquid. Plus—" He holds out the banana he has injected the solution with and frowns, and Joonmyun's eyes widen too quickly. His shoulders are shaking and the corners of his eyes crinkle. This one he has seen in their textbook and in beings he has studied before — amusement. Joonmyun's emotions are almost always magnified, all extremes — either he's extremely happy or extremely quiet, too out there or too withdrawn. "Will you stop laughing?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just that—" Joonmyun takes the still-yellow banana and gives it a long look. "Seriously, a banana? Do you think beings are anything like bananas?"

"Are you saying we should find a guinea pig to test the serum on?"

Joonmyun raises an eyebrow at him, and he feels a lurching sensation in his stomach again. Must be the product of skipping meals. "I'm saying—" Joonmyun takes two syringes, and pours the mixture Yixing has just made into a vial. Joonmyun draws the plunger back, and Yixing watches the liquid fill up the barrel. "—that we have no choice but to test it out on ourselves, if we really want to know if it works."

"What—" Yixing snatches the syringe from Joonmyun, placing a cap on the needle and gently placing it on the table, but then Joonmyun's already working on a second syringe. His eyebrows are relaxed, and there's a small smile at the corners of his lips. It's disconcerting, the calmness that envelops Joonmyun's features as he does the same thing as before, pulling the plunger and stopping once the level of the liquid hits the 5mL mark. "Even pure emotions aren't tested on beings. This is risky—"

"It's safe. I did it before for research." Joonmyun looks up from his work and snatches sedative patches from the pocket of his coat. "And I'm still alive, right?"

Yixing frowns. "You're unstable."

"Still alive," Joonmyun repeats, enunciating each syllable carefully this time. "Do you want to make sure we administer the right serum or not?"

"That's a rhetorical question."

"Of course, it is." Joonmyun beams up at him, then reaches for the vial of love. "Hand me the diffusing liquid. We'll need that, as well."

Yixing does as he is told, and he watches closely as Joonmyun takes a thin layer of cotton, dropping just a bit of love onto it, then uncapping the atomizer where the diffusing liquid is to take two drops of it, too. "Watch," Joonmyun says, and he moves closer as Joonmyun feels for his pulse on the underside of his elbow. A soft aha, and Joonmyun's wiping an area of the soft skin with the mix in the cotton. Soon enough, he's injecting himself with the depression and anger solution, wincing as he pulls the plunger back.

"That's barbaric," Yixing whispers, and Joonmyun's lips are caught between a smile and a scowl. There's nothing but the sound of Joonmyun seething for the first few seconds. Yixing keeps the sedatives at bay, the thin sheets safely tucked between his fingers and the table, and he feels the tips of his fingers tingling, torn between going hot and cold.

"Add another drop of love to your cotton swab," Joonmyun instructs, choking a bit, and Yixing follows, carefully placing a drop into the cotton and copying what Joonmyun had done earlier.

It takes him longer to find his pulse. There's a reason why he's an engineer and not a mechanic — understanding the theory behind things is easier than actually carrying it out and putting yourself out there, ready to be berated if something wrong ever happens during emotion transfusions. He's only ever trusted Baekhyun and Jongdae to administer emotions to him, but Joonmyun fearlessly injecting himself with a mixture that might put his life in danger makes Yixing feel a bit more qualified to do the same.

"Take a deep breath," Joonmyun says, voice softer now. His eyebrows twitch, but the corners of his lips are tugged up, albeit strained. "One deep breath, then push it in."

Yixing counts to three and gives the needle a long look. With a deep breath, he drives the needle into his skin.

The feeling of having emotions course through his veins isn't something new, but the surge of two negative emotions burns, claws on his skin and leaves bright red patches. "Fuck—" The last bit of sound gets caught between his teeth as he seethes, and his eyes widen as he briefly registers how fast the solution has seeped into his system. This feeling isn't like the one he'd experienced back when he took the blunt force of five different emotions in one liquid solution, nothing like the mess of feelings sending his stomach hurtling in several directions, but it does feel different. Weird. He can feel his heart racing in his chest, can feel his pulse quickening, and he reaches for a sedative patch, ready for when he feels that he can't take the flurry of emotions anymore.

Then Joonmyun wraps his fingers around Yixing's wrist and everything slows down.

His breathing is heavy and ragged by the time his vision comes to full focus again, and he can feel the steady stroke of Joonmyun's thumb on the back of his hand. "That was worth a shot," Joonmyun says now, laughing a little, but Yixing can still feel the sting of Joonmyun's fingers, cold and stiff, wound around his wrist.

He looks at the bright red ring around his wrist, then looks up at Joonmyun who has now closed his eyes, breathing more even and measured than it had been a few minutes ago. Creepy, a voice at the back of Yixing's mind says, and he takes a few quick breaths until he can feel his fingers again.

Joonmyun looks up at him and gives him a small smile. His stomach lurches again, and again, and again.

Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Jongin's return from their week-long offsite emotion distribution breathes life again into the otherwise quiet headquarters. The silence has been a welcome presence in the midst of the turmoil in Yixing's mind, but there's nothing quite like hearing the laughter of people who have already carved themselves a niche in his life. Kyungsoo launches himself into an uncharacteristic hug when he sees Jongdae, and Jongdae returns the gesture, nuzzling Kyungsoo's hair until Kyungsoo pulls away and pinches him in his side. Baekhyun swings his arms around Joonmyun and Yixing, asking them how they've been and telling them that they're lucky they don't have to deal with Jongin's lack of manners when it comes to sleeping.

"You know how he suddenly creeps up to you and gets on your bed and cuddles in the middle of the fucking night?" Baekhyun says, his grip on Yixing and Joonmyun's shoulders tightening with each passing word. "His limbs are too long; he suffocates me when he hugs me."

Jongin laughs a little and bumps his shoulder into Baekhyun's. "You slept better after the second night. You stopped snoring, too."

Baekhyun snorts. "You just fell into a deeper sleep, that's why you didn't hear me snoring." He wrestles with Jongdae for the menu and places three orders of samgyupsal, all on Jongin. Jongin doesn't make an effort to retaliate, just grins at Baekhyun, and Baekhyun mumbles, "Maybe I'll pay for one."

Going out for a meal after locking himself up in his laboratory for a long time feels different this time, with the presence of two other people he hasn't quite grown into yet. He gets it, though, Jongin's charm, the thing that renders Baekhyun's attempts at poking fun at Jongin even for the smallest things useless — Jongin is unpredictable. He's a breath of fresh air. He's unique, in the same way that Joonmyun is a character so different from the rest. They react quickly to situations — a prompt smile, soft laughter, wide eyes at the onset of a surprise — like they've been born with the stimulus and not just trained to react that way.

Beside him, Joonmyun places a hand on his thigh. "Lost you again," he says, smiling as he ends.

He hands Yixing the menu, and then there it is again, the sinking feeling in his stomach, the explosions at the tips of his fingers. They've been getting worse with each passing day, the more he's exposed to the emotions he's been experimenting with. The fumes from the liquids aren't as strong as emotions themselves, but they're strong enough to leave bright red patches on Yixing's arms after spending two hours mixing emotions on a Petri dish. The sedatives are only good for the first five minutes; after that, it's all Yixing and his will to go on.

Joonmyun recovers faster — two minutes, tops — but the scars linger on his skin longer than they do on Yixing's, a reminder of the risk they've taken. Yixing looks up at Joonmyun now, and spots a patch of red flaunted on his neck. "Pull up your collar," he whispers when he leans in, handing over the menu. Joonmyun replies with a low grunt, and Yixing pulls away with an easy smile.

"Special request — kimchi jjigae!" Yixing then says, raising his hand. Baekhyun goes for a high-five even if Yixing really hadn't meant to, and the contact of warm skin on skin sends a funny sensation up Yixing's arm.

They finish just a few minutes shy of midnight and they separate at the lobby, heading to their separate dorms. Jongdae's voice echoes in the corridors as they make their way to their room, and Jongin drags Joonmyun by the wrist, taking the flight of stairs closest to the entrance. "Finally, some peace and quiet," Kyungsoo says once they step inside the lift, and pushes the button to the fifth floor. "I'd have taken the stairs for a more scenic route, but—"

"Scenic?" Yixing laughs a little, and Kyungsoo simply rolls his eyes. "You call the dark 'scenic'? Or did you just want to spend more time with me?"

Kyungsoo doesn't answer and keeps his eyes fixed on the buttons in front of him, and Yixing follows his gaze to check if there's anything mildly interesting about them. "Is the research coming along well?" Kyungsoo asks after a while. He rubs the jut of his lip lightly, looking up at Yixing as he continues, "I mean, you and Joonmyun— Sounds like a powerhouse team for a big project."

"You've been unavailable," Yixing teases, bumping his arm into Kyungsoo's. The contact of elbow against elbow sends a sliver of electricity up his arm, pricking his skin. "And he was there. His research materials are pretty interesting."

"Everything about human emotions is interesting to you."

"Not as interesting as you are." Yixing snakes an arm around Kyungsoo's shoulder, and for a moment he feels Kyungsoo's muscles tense. Unstable, his mind automatically registers, but he keeps his arm there, nonetheless, until Kyungsoo leans into the touch and relaxes. "I still think we should be testing on something else, though, not on ourselves. This whole… experiment has screwed up my system."

Kyungsoo draws his shoulders back and cracks his neck, and Yixing lets his arm fall to his side. The stretch of his arm burns. "At least space out the testing," Kyungsoo replies. "There's a reason why emotion administration is only done once a quarter."

"Because the masses can't afford them?" Yixing kids, and Kyungsoo simply raises an eyebrow at him. There's still the hint of a smile on his lips, though; in the way his eyes soften, there's a hint of concern. "Hey, relax. You're an Open — you're supposed to be just cautious, not… a Neurotic."

Kyungsoo scoffs. "I'm going to punch you. Precautionary measure, in case you ever think of testing the serum on yourself thrice, in the same day."

Yixing grins. "That's more like it."

They slip out of the elevator, steps steady and measured as they approach the door. Kyungsoo fumbles with the keys in the dark for a while, and Yixing simply chuckles when Kyungsoo squints really hard as he inserts the key in the hole, turning the knob with a triumphant smile.

"Hey, Soo," Yixing calls out later on, halfway inside the bathroom. "I missed having you around." It's dark enough to not be able to make out the details of Kyungsoo's face, but if Kyungsoo acts purely on muscle memory Yixing can be sure to earn a small smile from Kyungsoo, or a scoff, or maybe even light laughter. He gets none of these, though; instead, Kyungsoo just stares at him or maybe the expanse of white over Yixing's shoulder — the light in the bathroom is the brightest source of light right now.

"Freshen up," Kyungsoo says after a while, then turns on his heel. "Make it quick. I still have to shower."

Yixing grunts in response and, later, when he finally feels water envelop him, he wonders why his abdomen had coiled earlier, the same way it had when Joonmyun gently squeezed his thigh and said, with a small smile on his lips, Lost you again.

I missed having you around normally doesn't translate to carrying out a mission with Kyungsoo, but they head to Namsan Tower at the first sign of relatively light workload, nonetheless. It's a two-pronged visit — he's hoping to locate the new diffuser that the Neurotics have installed in the Tower, and the place has always made it easier for him to clear his mind, to think.

Kyungsoo makes sure to put the van on camouflage before they head to the peak, taking the longer route and making sure to stay in the dark. "We used to bring our research here, read the documents until we finally come up with something," Kyungsoo says, breathing heavily as they make their way up the path. He stops in his tracks, hand gripping the railing tightly as he catches his breath. "The silence always made us strangely productive."

"Oh come on. For all I know, you're actually liking the noise in the labs," Yixing replies, laughing a little as he ends. He runs a hand up and down Kyungsoo's back until Kyungsoo snaps his spine straight, and there's a sting on his right palm when he lets his hand drop to his side. He hasn't even really touched Kyungsoo. "Jongin sort of made things more exciting for the two."

"They find anything and everything exciting, those losers." Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, then nods at Yixing as if saying, Ready whenever you are. "I bet they'd be excited about jumping off a cliff—"

"Or going undercover for some mission they won't even get paid for," Yixing adds. Kyungsoo's laughing now, all the wind knocked out of his lungs back where it belongs. The corners of his lips curve up and Yixing feels some of the tension in his shoulders lift. He thanks the slightly more bearable weather, summer no longer weighing down on them and leaving them drenched in sweat. "I sort of want to involve them in this but—"

"But you don't want to risk anything until you're sure the serum's good to go," Kyungsoo finishes. He lets out a soft ha!, and Yixing knows that they've already reached the top. "I can see the changes, Xing. They're not really alarming, but anyone who knows you really, really well will be able to catch on."

Yixing turns on his heel so he can see Kyungsoo's face better. There isn't much light here, just a few lamp posts, but it's enough to show the downward tug of Kyungsoo's lips and the slight furrow of the eyebrows. "Aren't I lucky that you're the only one who knows me inside-out, then?" he says, as if to appease, but Kyungsoo still keeps the same expression there, unchanged, until Yixing reaches out to pinch him in his side. "Hey, come on..."

"Just be careful," Kyungsoo says one last time, and takes a step forward, walking past Yixing.

They sit in companionable silence for a while, with Kyungsoo's palms flat on the surface, propping himself up as he pushes against the ground. Yixing stays a few good inches away, putting enough space between them, but he leans to his left too much that his head almost touches Kyungsoo's shoulder. He can hear Kyungsoo scratching the fabric of his pants, and if Yixing isn't there to take Kyungsoo's elbow to his side then Kyungsoo would probably be scratching the tip of his nose now — routine, habit, things Yixing has grown accustomed to and has learned to live with, unlike the surge of heat coursing through his veins right now. Kyungsoo moves closer, about an inch, and Yixing loosens the knots in his nape, resting his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder.

"The day I collapsed? I… poured the mix of the five emotions on my skin," Yixing confesses. He can feel the sharp rise of Kyungsoo's chest and shoulders, and he balls his fists — in a conscious response, stimulus, or out of sheer habit, he can't exactly tell. The summer breeze isn't as warm as it should be and it can rain any minute — the weather forecast this morning said so, and Yixing takes forecasts seriously — and Kyungsoo doesn't like getting drenched in rain.

He spreads his fingers out, stretching as far as he can. The tension in his hands shoot a sharp line of pain up his arms.

"Took the blunt force of it to your finger. Stupid." Kyungsoo's lips are still pressed thinly together, tight at the corners, but he can hear the faint lilt in his voice. "At least use a stabilizer or a sedative with it, or something that can neutralize three out of those five emotions."

Yixing looks up again, and this time it's the soft smile on Kyungsoo's lips that greets him. "Yeah, I figured. I knew I should've consulted you before doing that."

"I'm an Open for a reason," Kyungsoo says, then winks to punctuate his statement.

Yixing runs the tests they've done in his head, combinations of emotions both negative and positive, and remembers the time Joonmyun had instructed him to add another dose of love before taking the shot to his arm. I know what I'm doing, a voice that sounds a lot like Joonmyun's says at the back of his mind, and he shakes it off — the voice, the feeling, the numbing of his fingers — gulping hard as Kyungsoo's laughter soon echoes in the silence of the night.

The second draft of the serum comes together after a mishap. The emotions involved have been tweaked a bit — they're testing out anger and loneliness this time, and Yixing might have poured some love into the solution after laughing too much while uncapping the love vial. Joy had been left exposed on the Petri dish for a while already and if there's anything to be blamed for the fit of laughter, it's the emotions, not Joonmyun's silly jokes.

"Whatever. Let's test this, anyway," Joonmyun says, then takes two syringes from the container nearby.

Yixing brings the dish with the serum close to his face, studying the way the liquids blend and turn into one cohesive shade of green, dull and translucent. He's reminded of a mix of empathy and desperation, and the way the bubbles jump out at him startle him a little, make his heart jump his stomach lurch in several different directions — close to fear, but not quite.

"What do you think about adding apathy to the mix?" he asks Joonmyun now, looking over his shoulder. He sets the dish down on the table, carefully pushing it in Joonmyun direction, and Joonmyun stops midway through rubbing his hands on the vial he'll be transferring the liquid to. "If the books describe fear as something that leaves you with a hollow feeling, then apathy might do the trick."

Joonmyun nods thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowed lightly and lips pursed. "Interesting," he replies, taking the dish and drawing it close to the vial. "Can we try this first, though? Apathy is a very dangerous emotion."

"Says the guy who just injected himself with a number of emotions without hesitation."

"Says the guy who studied human emotions for his dissertation and lived to tell the tale." Joonmyun winks, punctuating his argument. "We're trying this first."

They soak cotton swabs with a bit of stabilizer, then wipe the underside of their elbows with the cotton. "Let's see how this will work with a higher dosage of love," Joonmyun says, and they count to three before before pushing the needle in, then pull at the plunger at the same time.

The tiny prick when the needle permeates the skin isn't the worst feeling — it's the way emotions surge through Yixing's veins, crippling his arm and speeding up his heartbeat. He can feel his chest getting heavy, and his throat feels so tight. He breathes through his nose and the air doesn't quite reach his lungs but he keeps at it, anyway, until he can feel the muscles of his throat loosen considerably. "Sedatives—" Joonmyun croaks, free arm reaching out, and Yixing hands him a couple of patches, nails scratching the underside of Joonmyun's wrist a little.

"I'm— sorry—" He takes a few quick breaths, trying to refocus his vision, but everything is too hazy, from the red patches on his arm to the unattractive dull green liquid left in the vial, to Joonmyun leaning in, blond hair covering his eyes. "Are you hurt?" Yixing asks, and he tries to move the arm he'd injected the emotions with earlier, wrapping his fingers around one of Joonmyun's wrists.

There's a warmth against his forehead and against his cheek, and only when he blinks a few more times does he register that their noses are bumping and that Joonmyun's fingers are cold on his collarbones.

"Are you… are you okay?" he asks one more time, slower this time as he feels chest constrict again, the pulse in his temples quickening. Joonmyun's breath is hot against his chin, and if he leans in, if he so much as shifts in his seat, he'll feel Joonmyun's lips on his skin.

"Dizzy," Joonmyun manages to say in between heavy breathing. "Can't move. Can't think straight."

It's just the serum, Yixing thinks when he lets his body move on its own accord, one hand snaking up Joonmyun's back, coming to rest on Joonmyun's nape, and the other bracing itself on Joonmyun's thigh. They stay that way for a while, until their breaths even and Yixing can feel his hands again. Slowly, he pushes himself away but keeps his hand flat on Joonmyun's thigh, and he keeps his eyes locked with Joonmyun's own as they both try to regain the last of their stability, breathing through parted lips.

"Just a little more," Joonmyun whispers. "We're almost getting there." Yixing nods because this is progress, and they're so much closer to finally getting the emotions serum right, infusing just the right amount of fear to make beings feel human again.

He nods and keeps his eyes fixed on the tip of Joonmyun's nose. His mind travels back to the few minutes of standstill, their heavy breathing, Joonmyun's cold fingers prickling his skin.

Joonmyun's lips, pink and flush, so dangerously inviting. The wild beating in his chest. The disappointment and longing settling on the pit of his stomach when they pull away.

Yixing's dinner buddy is a pile of research and happiness in a meal right in front of him. He sips bean sprout soup while poring over research on some undisclosed formulae for emotions, and he tucks his pencil behind his right ear whenever he doesn't have to scribble his thoughts on paper, tiny reminders that some emotions can be made in a much simpler manner. Kyungsoo has been trying to make sure Yixing doesn't work long hours recently, but Baekhyun and Jongdae have proven to be quite good at keeping Kyungsoo distracted with their technical questions on how to know which emotions to combine to come up with a more powerful emotion, something slightly less perfect but a lot more human.

Joonmyun pats him on the back before heading to the food counter, taking a seat far from where Yixing is. He has a clear folder filled with his fair share of documents to review. "I'll take care of the stabilizer," Joonmyun had said earlier, before Yixing excused himself for dinner. They'd agreed to go back up together to share their new findings with each other and hopefully come up with an improved serum that they can test on themselves. So Yixing simply watches as Joonmyun flips one page after another, his hold on his pencil tightening with each passing second.

His eyes are drawn to Joonmyun's pink lips, and he immediately shakes the thought away, delving back into work.

They return to the laboratory an hour after, eyes heavy with lethargy. Yixing keys in his code and Joonmyun follows suit, pressing a number combination that has been assigned to him a few days after they started working on the secret project. It's almost routinary, Yixing thinks, Joonmyun following him around, that when he looks over his shoulder he expects to find Joonmyun's smile or to be met with Joonmyun's soft gaze. Sometimes there's a vacant expression, like Joonmyun's thoughts are anywhere but here, and Yixing has to shake him out of it to earn that warm smile again.

"I'm leaving in an hour," Yixing announces. He fishes his phone from his pocket, quickly sending Baekhyun and Jongdae a message and telling them that, you can release kyungsoo now. stop singing in his ear it's freaking him out :c. He hears the light shuffling of Joonmyun's feet, senses Joonmyun approach him, the heat of Joonmyun's skin somehow sticking to his own, even with the very little space between them. Joonmyun isn't even touching him.

He's got a clean Petri dish and two empty vials in front of him ready when Joonmyun finally breaks the silence. "Sorry about earlier," Joonmyun says, voice too faint it can almost pass off as a whisper. Yixing strains his hearing, listening closely to Joonmyun's steady breathing, the lilts in his voice as he goes on to say, "I didn't expect that… reaction. I did a lot of experiments like this back in Busan, and my body has never reacted this way." Yixing turns to his right, finally meeting Joonmyun in the eye, and he furrows his eyebrows when sees a hint of — something he can't pinpoint. This is Joonmyun's unpredictability at work, hindering Yixing from reading him like an open book. "I've been stable, for the most part. Always been stable."

"Must be the effect of all those experiments, then," Yixing teases. He feels laughter bubbling in his chest, but Joonmyun isn't smiling — the corners of his lips are tugged down, and his shoulders are hunched. His fists are clenched. His lips are trembling and all Yixing can think of is that one moment, three to four hours ago, when Joonmyun was less than a touch, a decision away.

"I guess—" Joonmyun chuckles, then scoffs. "I guess I'm more human than I thought."

He tilts his head, lips slightly parted as he prepares to pose a question, but then Kyungsoo's knocking on the door, three soft hits on the glass until Yixing stands from his seat, feet functioning completely on muscle memory. He greets Kyungsoo with a practiced smile, tight around the corners, but at least he can draw Kyungsoo's attention to his dimples or his unfocused face. There's nothing to keep his mind from drifting back to Joonmyun's peculiar frown, the fall of his shoulders, the weight of his words.

"I'll wrap up in a while," he tells Kyungsoo and if Kyungsoo ever catches on, he doesn't say anything. Instead, Kyungsoo busies himself with the write ups on Joonmyun's desk. Yixing does his part, focuses on getting the measurements for the emotions right.

His hands shake as he extracts the liquid from the vial. Joonmyun's voice curls at the base of his nape, resounds in his ear, asking, Are you sure you want to do this? Is this what you really want? Tell me, Yixing, is it? Is this the only thing you want to get from this?

Kyungsoo has passed out in his bed long before Yixing started to dig up a couple of old books. He's been having trouble relaxing recently, his mind too alert and awake for his own good. The thoughts creep up to him and haunt him at obscene hours, whisper things in his ear as he tries to drown them out when he says, again and again, I'm stable. Everything will be alright. I'm stable.

He tucks the book he's reading under his pillow and turns so that he's lying flat on his back. On the bed beside his, Kyungsoo lets out a loud snore, and he chuckles a little.

Most of his long conversations with Kyungsoo happen in between missions, when they're stuck on an hour-long ride to Bucheon or back to Gangnam, and without Kyungsoo's willing ear to hear him out and help him make sense of his own thoughts, the debates with the voices in his mind become more heated. It's a battle between what's right and what feels good, not what's right and what's wrong. Having emotions, too many of them, surging through his system fucks up his balance, sends him toppling over; it's convenient to have Joonmyun nearby, ready for when he decides to fall to the ground, heart first.

He throws the blanket over his head and closes his eyes, counts to three until he can hear his own voice above all the noise again. "You're in trouble, Yixing. You're in trouble," he tells himself until the numbness in his fingers wears off and all he can feel, all his skin can remember feeling, is the warmth of Joonmyun's body pressed against his.

EMO sees its first scandal on the first storm of the year, during lunch.

They're halfway through picking food from today's selection when Jongin collapses, curled up on the floor with eyes dilated and lips cold and dry. Baekhyun is quick on his feet, telling the engineers and mechanics to back away, putting space between Jongin and the crowd so that he can breathe, and Jongdae does the same, pleading them to please, please, please help us out. Take a few steps back. That's it, come on— Joonmyun crouches low and checks for a pulse, and Yixing checks his pockets if he still has diffusers and sedatives left — he comes up empty.

"Take him to my lab," Yixing says after a while, and Kyungsoo and Joonmyun try to get Jongin up, while Baekhyun and Jongdae clear the path to the elevator.

It's Joonmyun who keys in the passcode when they get there, and Yixing gets straight to looking for concoctions he'd created in the past. "I can still feel his pulse. Can you hand me a sedative?" he hears Joonmyun say, and Kyungsoo opens the topmost drawer, taking out a couple of patches and helping Joonmyun place them on Jongin's pulse points.

"Diagnosis?"

"Can't tell right now," Kyungsoo answers. He's rarely ever shaken, but he can hear the light tremor in Kyungsoo's voice. "No trace of emotion in his expression, not even in the shift of the muscles. It's as if he's been—"

The sudden shift from a bright smile to a tight-lipped one, the empty gaze, features void of any emotion. It's as if he's been—

"—reset," Yixing finishes. He takes a deep, muttering reset, reset, reset under his breath. He sifts through vials upon vials until he reaches the purest emotions, grabbing two of each of the five basic emotions. When Yixing walks over to the table where Jongin is, he sees Kyungsoo gripping the diffuser spray tight and with two fingers pressed to one of Jongin's pulse points. "He's an Open, right?" he asks now as he clears an area of the table, laying down the vials in a straight line. There's a collective sound of approval and, when he looks up, his eyes are drawn to the dip of the furrow of Joonmyun's eyebrows, the quick rise and fall of his chest, Joonmyun tapping his index finger against his thumb as Jongin stays dangerously still.

He takes two drops of each of the basic emotions, then transfers them to the Petri dish. He adds two more drops of joy, then a drop of apprehension, a yellow liquid that turns the dark mixture into a slightly lighter, more translucent color.

"Find me a healthy vein," he instructs Baekhyun and Baekhyun nods, walking over to where Joonmyun is and checking the underside of Jongin's elbow for the right spot to inject the needle in.

Baekhyun finds it in no time, and Yixing does the necessary preparations — spray a good amount of the diffuser liquid onto the cotton swab then wipe the area with it. Take a deep breath. One deep breath, then push it in, a familiar voice at the back of his mind says, and he snatches a glance at Joonmyun for one last time before pushing the needle in, pressing his lips tightly together as he pulls the plunger back. He watches the liquid in the barrel go down, and he draws the plunger back, pulling out the needle.

Joonmyun hands him a sedative patch, and he holds it down against the area he's injected the serum with. A thick blanket of silence envelops the room and Yixing counts — to three, ten, another ten, and another — until Jongin's fingers move, a tiny jerk of the muscles that makes Joonmyun exhale loudly and Baekhyun crouch, hands bracing his head.

Slowly, Jongin opens his eyes, and a rush of color creeps up his face, paints his lips a much healthier color, breathes life back to his eyes. "What happened?" Jongin asks and, for the first time since they'd entered the laboratory, he sees Joonmyun's hands still and a smile surface on Joonmyun's lips.

Yixing squints hard as he tries to make out the glistening particles at the corners of Joonmyun's eyes, but they're gone as soon as Joonmyun blinks and Joonmyun's smile is brighter than ever.

"You gave us a heart-attack, that's what," Jongdae quips.

Kyungsoo snorts but he's smiling now, out of genuine relief more than practice. Baekhyun is still crouched low, but the slow, spaced out clapping is loud enough to break the thick wave of tension in the room. Jongdae is the first to summon a chuckle and Baekhyun naturally follows; soon enough, Joonmyun is laughing as well, eyes disappearing into slits as Jongin looks around and asks them, "What— Why are you all laughing?"

Yixing clutches at his chest. His throat is still tight and his stomach is still coiled in this knot that he simply can't untie. The sinking feeling is back, clawing at his insides and leaving a sharp sliver of pain shooting to every part of his body. His arms feel heavy and the tips of his fingers are tingling with something, and his chest constricts when he meets Joonmyun's gaze.

"Never do that again," Yixing says, choking towards the end. He places a cap on the syringe, laying it down on the table soon after, and when Kyungsoo places a hand on the small of his back he feels a wave of relief cover him, unfastening the knots in his muscles and stomach.

Thank you, Joonmyun mouths, and Yixing gives him a curt nod in response. He doesn't fight the grin that tugs hard at the corners of his lips, doesn't fight the laughter that soon travels up his throat and out of his mouth, but he does take steady, even breaths to still the racing in his chest.

Joonmyun holds the gaze. Yixing feels his breath hitch. When Joonmyun looks away, he takes Yixing's breath with him, and Yixing is left with a plethora of emotions threatening to burst from his chest.

"Didn't think I'd still see you here when I get back."

Yixing locks the doors behind him, and it takes a while for Joonmyun to respond, looking over his shoulder to acknowledge Yixing's presence. Joonmyun had skipped dinner, saying he had a few things to take care of before the day ended, and Jongin had just shot him a look before relenting. "Film viewing," Joonmyun says now, and he moves to the right then pats the empty space beside him. "Wanted to clear my head before heading back to the dorms. Wanna join me?"

"Here or there?" Yixing teases, and Joonmyun laughs faster than Yixing can take his words back. He walks over to where Joonmyun is and settles down on the empty space, sitting on the edge until Joonmyun grabs him by his coat and tugs him closer.

Joonmyun snakes an arm around his shoulder, fastening Yixing to his seat. He can't say he minds.

He'd spent dinner thinking about what could have possibly happened with Jongin. They extracted blood from him earlier just so they could test for any allergic reactions to emotions, but they'd come up empty. Jongin is as normal as he can be, an Open whose levels of curiosity and caution are balanced that he can easily pass off as the perfect manifestation of an Open — a being with a thirst to discover something new every single day, a being who thinks things thoroughly before doing anything. The perfect emotion class for an emotions mechanic.

Kyungsoo's tiny, relieved smile comes to mind, and then there's Joonmyun's watery eyes. There's a reason why the Conscientious rarely make the cut for engineers — they are too easy-going, sometimes even laid back, beings who won't think of anything going wrong until it does. If something does go haywire, they'll laugh at it and get back to work. Life goes on; emotions are kept balanced. That's the way it has always worked for Yixing.

Joonmyun squeezes his arm, and he quickly turns his head in Joonmyun's direction. He's met with a lips pressed thinly together and all of Joonmyun's attention focused on the documentary unfolding in front of them.

The next scene is of humans dancing and singing, eyes locked onto each other as the girl and the boy waltz across the dance floor. They're both wearing smiles, the corners of their lips tugged up so hard that Yixing fears their faces might break, but they keep the same expression on throughout the song. Yixing sways in his seat lightly as Joonmyun shifts in his position, the grip on Yixing's shoulder firm but not too tight. Joonmyun is warmer than ever, so he sinks into the touch, the heat of Joonmyun's body pressed to his side loosening the knots in his muscles.

"Yixing?"

Yixing looks to his left, eyebrows raised a little. "Hmm?"

"Thank you for… saving Jongin earlier." Joonmyun worries his bottom lip, then he looks up to meet Yixing's gaze for the first time since they've started watching the documentary. There's the same light in Joonmyun's eyes, the same glimmer that he'd seen when Jongin stirred and opened his eyes. "You're really special, you know? I don't know how any other engineer would have handled that," he adds after a while, and a chuckle soon spills from his lips. The sound wraps around Yixing's ears, tickles his skin. It sends a funny feeling to the pit of his stomach.

He laughs a little to fill the silence. "Kyungsoo probably would've done the same. Or you— you'd have done the same, except—"

"Except we didn't have the presence of mind to do that," Joonmyun says. "I thought Jongin was going to die. God, did you see the look on his face—"

Yixing blows at his bangs, scrunching his nose when some of the strands prick his eyes. "He looked so sad and lost? Like everything's been taken from him and he's just a shell and it's—" Scary, Yixing wants to say, but then he's never been acquainted with the feeling of fear. He's never felt that all-consuming feeling that can potentially cripple beings and flush out all the positive emotions in them. It's both a blessing and a curse, and now that he's faced with an encounter with fear, the closest he can possibly get to it, he isn't sure if he wants to feel that ever again.

"That's emptiness," Joonmyun finishes. He takes a deep breath and tilts his head back, eyes closed as he cracks his neck. "The culmination of all sad emotions, the road leading to fear." He draws his shoulders back, spine snapping straight as he turns to his side to face Yixing. "Jongin had been wiped clean of every single emotion, all the signs were there. You saw them. So when you put all those emotions in him, added more of the emotions his 'class' dictates him to feel, even the negative ones…" Joonmyun drums his fingers on the small space between them, eyes wandering for a while until he looks up again. His eyes are dark, unreadable, like there are barricades in front of them that Yixing had spend months trying to break down, only for Joonmyun to put them back up. "He became his normal self again. Well, not as human as he used to be, but not quite Neurotic. It's almost like he's starting anew."

Yixing leans back, and he squints in an effort to search Joonmyun's face for answers. "Not as human? But he's—"

Joonmyun reaches up, his left hand snaking up Yixing's nape, and Yixing takes a sharp breath, seething when he feels Joonmyun's nails grazing his skin. Joonmyun's fingers are cold, stiff, but every part of Yixing that he touches burns. "Someday, you'll understand," Joonmyun whispers, and he leans forward until their foreheads bump, tip of his nose grazing Yixing's cheek.

Beside them, there's the sound of humans laughing and singing, but all that registers in Yixing's senses is the numbing coldness of Joonmyun's fingers on his nape, Joonmyun's breath hot on his lips, and the very little distance between them. The wild beating in Yixing's chest and the sinking sensation at the pit of his stomach that no one, save for Joonmyun, has ever elicited from him.

"This can't be good."

The route to the EMO headquarters is fairly straightforward — walk straight ahead until the first block, then turn right. Walk two more blocks then take a left, and it's just a few more meters until you reach the building. The Jungs loitering in the area make the travel longer than the usual, and by the time they narrowly avoid another Jung, they've already exhausted all detour routes to the headquarters.

"We should take the back door entrance," Kyungsoo whispers, and Yixing looks around before gesturing at the others, cocking his head in the direction of the alternate route.

It takes another five minutes to make sure that there aren't any Jungs following them. Baekhyun does the last check, sticking out his head before slinking to the small opening of the door. "Security's fucking insane! Was there a bombing somewhere?" he asks, and Jongdae quickly tells him to tone down his voice, there's another Jung just around the block.

"Two Jungs in the buildings are more than enough. Now we have more of them going around? What's happening—"

Joonmyun clicks his tongue. "It's starting," he mumbles.

Yixing furrows his eyebrows. He parts his lips just slightly, trying to form a question in his mind while paying more attention to the beings passing by — two engineers at the end of the corridor, a Jung around two minutes away, a couple of mechanics speaking in hushed voices and throwing glances over their shoulders. There are two Jungs who have fallen in line, waiting for the elevator to reach the ground floor. The serums they've been working on are kept in a safe place in his laboratory, but he can't take chances. "Let's take the stairs up. Not getting in the lift with those Jungs," Yixing says, and the group follows his lead, slipping from the crowd of engineers and mechanics in the lobby.

Jongin locks the door behind him, worrying his lower lip as he catches up with the rest. "I think someone saw us take this route," he says. Joonmyun whispers something that sounds a lot like, that's fine. We just have to move fast, patting Jongin on the back as they quicken their pace.

It's the fastest trip Yixing has ever taken using the stairs, and he quickly punches the passcode to his laboratory. The entire floor is quiet, save for the whirring of the machines, but he pulls up the tinted glass walls, nonetheless, and gestures at Kyungsoo to make sure the doors are locked.

Jongdae takes a deep breath. "Okay, what the hell is happening?"

"I'm sure they're after the serum. Or that the news has reached them already," Joonmyun replies. He shoots a glance at the tinted walls when a couple of figures pass by, then turns to Yixing, eyes barricaded again, dark and distant. "We need to polish it at once. Where's the safest that we can work on it?"

Bucheon base, his mind quickly replies, the better half of his senses holds him back. Joonmyun has helped him develop the serum, helped him make sure that it's safe enough for beings like them to be taking in large quantities. Joonmyun has been nothing but a great partner in the project, but he isn't Kyungsoo, or even Baekhyun and Jongdae. Joonmyun isn't someone he had grown up with, someone he had taken the same classes with and had shared tears with over nearly-failed exams. Joonmyun is as good as a stranger, someone who'd barged into his life and made himself a tiny space there, left of his chest, six inches from where he is massaging his shoulder. He shoots Kyungsoo a look long enough for Baekhyun to lean closer and raise his eyebrows at them, and only when Kyungsoo blinks does he turn to Joonmyun with an answer.

"I know a place in Bucheon."

Joonmyun's eyes shoot up, and Yixing holds his gaze, steady, assessing. There's a hint of surprise in Joonmyun's gaze, maybe even excitement, and the small upward tug on the corner of his lips breathes life into the vacant expression that had once taken over his features. "I have a lab there. We can take the underground train to the place," Yixing continues, and Kyungsoo takes a step forward to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"Close all paths leading to the HQ when you get there. We can't risk getting caught."

"But what if you guys have to—"

Baekhyun reaches over to ruffle his hair. "Then we'll send you a distress signal. Same old, same old." Baekhyun looks over his shoulder, looking at Jongdae briefly and, when he turns back to Yixing, there's a small smile on his lips. "Pack your things. Jongdae and I will make sure that you have a clear path to the exit. Jongin, Kyungsoo, cover for us. We'll be back as soon as we get them out of here."

Jongin chuckles a little. "Sounds like a scene from an action movie."

Joonmyun laughs lightly for the first time since they'd entered the facility.

Joonmyun packs the vials methodically, wrapping each container in a small towel before stuffing it inside the bag. Yixing takes a handful of the emotions and arranges them in a line inside the toolbox, making sure to fill the spaces with pads and small towels. It takes a good ten minutes to make sure that everything has been packed, and Joonmyun pulls Jongin in for a hug and a squeeze of the arm before turning around, preparing to leave.

Kyungsoo keys in the unlock code, fingers moving across the number pad slowly. "How much time do you need?"

Yixing takes a deep breath. "Three days."

The lighting casts Kyungsoo a warm glow and, despite his hooded gaze, Yixing can still make out the small upward curve of the lips, the concern in Kyungsoo's eyes. Years of knowing each other, of working alongside each other has boiled down to this — Kyungsoo and his faith in Yixing that he'll deliver in exactly three days, and Yixing placing his full trust in Kyungsoo to make sure everything is in order until they return from Bucheon with the perfect human emotions serum. "I'll start getting in touch with the other EMO chapters, then," Kyungsoo finally says, and Yixing nods, grins, flashes a thumbs up at him in lieu of the words that are stuck somewhere between his head and his throat.

"Time to go," comes Baekhyun's call, and Joonmyun squeezes Yixing's arm, brief and light, before taking a few steps forward.

Yixing steps outside the room, listening for the soft 'thud' as the door closes before taking another step forward. He keeps his eyes steady of Joonmyun's back, keeps his grip on the bags tight.

He doesn't look back.

✪ ✪ ✪

A thick blanket of darkness envelops them as Yixing locks the door behind him and stuffs the keys in his back pocket. He gives the door three knocks, signalling to Baekhyun and Jongdae that everything's good, before walking down the stairs. The steps are steep and, while Yixing knows this place like the back of his hand, the path has become a tricky route to map out. It's been weeks since he's last taken this route, afraid to lead the Jungs who have been following them to their secret base. The slippery route doesn't help — it's only been hours since the rains have calmed down, and forecast says they will be back within the next twenty-four hours, even earlier if the weather isn't on their side.

"Stay close," Yixing says, tugging Joonmyun close by the wrist. "Kyungsoo's usually in charge of the lights, so we'll have to do with my muscle memory for now."

Joonmyun simply snorts. His hand twitches in Yixing's hold.

The station soon comes into focus after a few minutes of walking, with Joonmyun making noise only when he nearly slips and he has to hold onto Yixing for balance. The light fluctuates from time to time, but it illuminates the area just fine. Yixing presses a few buttons and types in a code and, when he looks over his shoulder, Joonmyun's has his gaze fixed on him, eyes dark and focused, yet unreadable.

"The ride's safe, if that's what you're worrying about," he says, smiling a little, but Joonmyun is unfazed. The tight press of his lips makes Yixing's stomach coil and his muscles ache; the walk wasn't even that long.

Joonmyun takes a deep breath. He shifts in his position, worrying his bottom lip before looking up. "I think there's something that you should know, before I hop on that train with you," he says, and Yixing simply nods in response.

Joonmyun takes a step forward, into the spotlight, and Yixing can see Joonmyun's features more clearly now — the furrow of his eyebrows, the sweat running along the plane of his jaw. The dark circles under his eyes that make him look less of the bright-eyed engineer Yixing has come to know. A small cut on Joonmyun's lips that has probably come from the constant lip-biting and worrying. "Last night, I said that Jongin— He's back to his normal self, just… not as human before. You remember that, right?" Joonmyun begins. Yixing grunts, urging him to go on.

"That's because Jongin isn't like you, or even Baekhyun and Jongdae. He's not the mechanic that you think he is. He's—"

Jongin's spontaneous reactions, the lost look on his features turning into something so hopeful faster than Yixing can count to three. Jongin grinning then cackling then laughing, Jongin's spectrum of emotions. Jongin being reset and being restored, but not without a few hiccups. Jongin isn't like you—

"He's a Neurotic. We are Neurotics, Jongin and I." Joonmyun takes a deep breath. Yixing can see his lips quiver, but his voice is steady as he continues, "We work for the government. We worked for it, at least. We were sent to infiltrate the organization and shut down the operations on the project on human emotions."

"The one we're working on. The one you said Minseok had—" Minseok hadn't been demoted the day he introduced Jongin and Joonmyun to the organization; he'd been promoted, elevated to a government position. Yixing's throat is tight and dry and it feels as if all the air has been flushed out of his system. Joonmyun's expression is oddly calm, but his lips are still trembling; Yixing can't say he doesn't feel the same. "You're in on this, all three of you? But Minseok, he was the one who came up with the idea of restoring human emotions in the first place!"

"We were all— We were the team that was supposed to take you down, but then we saw the plans for the next fiscal year. They were—" Joonmyun shakes his head, and suddenly his expression shifts — a mix of confusion and frustration and pain? Yixing can't see clearly, not through the thick veil of confusion wrapping around his mind. "They were planning to turn everyone, even the engineers and mechanics, into these perfect beings — robots — and send them to wage war against other nations so we can become one solid state."

Yixing's pulse quickens. The corners of Joonmyun's lips are turned down, and his eyes glisten the same way they had when they almost lost Jongin. "We thought they just wanted to maintain peace in the whole nation, but they wanted more than that. They want to be kings, Yixing. Gods. They want to rule the world and if beings are going to develop emotions strong enough to wake them up and make them realize what the government is planning to do, then the government will pull out all stops at them.

"I thought— I thought I was protecting beings from feeling all these emotions by stopping the project. I thought I was protecting everyone from all the pain and the fear and—" Joonmyun scoffs. He shakes his head, slow and steady. His eyes are fixed on his feet, or maybe the ground — Joonmyun's eyes are moving too fast, and Yixing simply can't keep up.

"Then I realized I was keeping them from seeing, feeling everything that's good. Pushing them to feel that void and leaving them not knowing what to do with it. I've been there, Yixing — I was empty for a time, before Minseok saved me and Jongin. It was hard, trying to fit in, trying to be as close to perfect as possible when we were feeling so many things, trying not to worry about Jungs potentially killing us in our sleep—" His voice cracks, and Yixing feels his heart clench or break. Maybe it even stopped beating. "Minseok got us into the government, told us that we were safe there and that nobody else had to know we were different, that we didn't have to be afraid. That we could be more than okay. That we can actually live."

Joonmyun's shoulders shake, and Yixing's body reacts too quickly — his hands go numb and his joints feel sore and his chest constricts, and his throat tightens even more as Joonmyun's breath hitches. Something akin to water rolls down Joonmyun's cheeks, and Yixing takes a sharp breath, jaw going slack as Joonmyun closes his eyes. "You're— You're human," Yixing whispers, more of a statement than a question, and Joonmyun nods, slow and spaced out, like he's trying to digest the entire situation for Yixing when he can't even keep himself together.

He wants to hit something — kick the ground, punch the wall, grab Joonmyun close and shake him until he starts smiling that bright smile of his again, or until he starts laughing — but all that registers right now is how Joonmyun seems so small with the darkness slowly engulfing him, how it would feel so right to hold Joonmyun in his arms and say nothing, just hold him until his breathing evens out and until he starts chuckling again.

"I'm human and I infiltrated the EMO base, thinking it was a good idea to kill you on the onset and not let you work on the emotions serum—"

Joonmyun's chuckling now, but the sound comes out strained and choked. Yixing takes a few steps forward until they're face to face and the tips of his shoes bump into Joonmyun's own. Joonmyun's soft sobs die down, almost dropping to a whisper, and he sees Joonmyun clench his fists. There's color in his skin again, a blanket of life wrapping around his body. "And yet you're still here, trying to help me figure out how to perfect the serum." He rubs the tip of his nose. "And I'm still alive."

"And yet—" Joonmyun laughs a little. "And yet you're still breathing and invading my private space, yes."

Yixing takes a step back like it's caught up to him — the tips of their noses almost touching, Joonmyun's words, the serum that needs to be completed, the mission that they have to carry out. Yixing reaches out, though, and wipes away Joonmyun's tears with his thumb, smiling a little when Joonmyun finally looks up. There's the sound of the train in the distance — two minutes until it arrives, until they take the ride to Bucheon and lock themselves up in the base. Two minutes until they step inside a new world and leave the hazy world of Gangnam for a while. "You could've killed me weeks ago but you didn't, so you're safe," he simply says, and he lets his hand fall to his side as he leans back, taking a good look at Joonmyun. "You don't even look like you can hurt a fly."

"I took hapkido lessons when I was ten, just so you know," Joonmyun says, and Yixing's mind finally clears. All that's left is Joonmyun's laughter and the image of his smile, the feeling of Joonmyun's tears on his skin. The serum that has to be completed in three days, and saving Seoul from being controlled by Neurotics.

The train approaches. Yixing picks up his bags, and Joonmyun does the same. His shoulders are held high and his spine is snapped straight. Yixing exhales, long and loud, and grips the handle of the bags tight. "Might come in handy," he tells Joonmyun, and Joonmyun doesn't turn to look at him when he laughs a little.

They step onto the train and buckle their seatbelts. It's going to be one hell of a ride.

Yixing locks his arms behind his back, stretching as far as he can and grunting when he finally feels the tension in his muscles. They've been tied down to their seats since they'd gotten to the base, and Joonmyun has finally given in to fatigue, falling asleep on the desk with his arms folded under his head. Yixing had used it as an opportunity to head to the nearest convenience store and buy as many bowls of ramyun and other instant food that he can, and when he'd returned Joonmyun still hadn't roused from his sleep.

Thirty minutes after and here he is, nibbling on Pepero while watching the steady rise and fall of Joonmyun's back, the soft, unguarded expression on his face, the way Joonmyun chews on air as he sleeps.

The most progress they've made today is stabilizing the combination of all the basic emotions. Joonmyun is in charge of making sure that each dose of negative emotion is properly measured, and by the third try they'd finally gotten the mixture correct. On a much larger Petri dish lies the mixture, a dark, translucent liquid that bubbles occasionally, mysterious and intimidating in the warm light of the desk lamp.

Yixing gets off of his stool and reaches for two new dishes, hoping to get started on another batch of serums, but he accidentally slams his foot against the table nearby. Joonmyun stirs, bolting upright all too quickly, and he lets out a low ow as he massages his temples and blinks away the lethargy in his eyes. "How long have I been out?" he asks now, and Yixing wiggles his toes, trying to restore the feeling in them.

"Long enough," Yixing replies. He finally gets back on his feet, and he limps a little as he makes his way to where the shopping bag filled with food is. "I hope you don't mind ramyun. i don't think I can cook anything else right now; my hands are shaking."

Joonmyun snorts. "You could've had food delivered."

"I don't think it's wise to have food delivered to a super secret base?" he teases, and Joonmyun slaps him on the arm when he passes by.

Jongin becomes the topic of the conversation over dinner, and Yixing takes note of Joonmyun's habit of sticking out his tongue in between statements and sentences. Joonmyun's tongue is a bright shade of red, all the chili finally getting to him one big bowl of ramyun and some extra chili powder after, and he looks more alive now with his hair sticking to his cheeks and his bangs sometimes shielding his eyes from Yixing's view. Yixing leans forward whenever Joonmyun has something to say, and his eyes are almost always drawn to the Joonmyun's lips, jutted and flush as they engage Yixing in a conversation. The familiar sinking sensation claws at his stomach again. He keeps trying to flush it out, but it's not as if it's so easy to get rid of Joonmyun.

"So which part of the story is true?" Yixing asks now as he watches Joonmyun arrange the bowls in a stack, used paper towels rolled into tiny balls to fit in the bowl. Joonmyun doesn't stop cleaning up the aftermath of their late dinner, but he does shoot a quick glance at Yixing. "Did you really grow up in Busan? Were you an engineer before you moved to the government to become a Neurotic? Were you—"

"I can't say everything I said was true," Joonmyun begins, chuckling a little when Yixing makes a small, indignant sound, then continues after a while, "but I did mean everything that I've done. Humans are good with words but horrible with controlling their actions." His hands have moved to the sachets of chili, now open and empty, and Yixing snatches them from Joonmyun's hands — in an effort to draw Joonmyun's full attention to himself or to simply prevent the impending standstill, he can't be too sure. His entire system has been a mess recently, and having all these emotions coursing through his veins isn't helping. "What are you doing?"

"We're talking, so look at me," Yixing answers. He sets the sachets down on the bowl and grabs Joonmyun by the shoulders, pulling him close until he can catch the spice of ramyun that has caught on Joonmyun's breath. "It's rude to not look beings in the eye when you're talking to them."

"Oh? You're teaching me proper manners now?" There's a peculiar upward tug on the curl of the lip, and the lilt of Joonmyun's voice drives Yixing's mind aflutter. "You think humans don't follow a code of conduct of sorts?"

"I know so," Yixing mutters. He means to challenge, to tease, but he chokes towards the end.

Joonmyun reaches up, fingers curling on the base of Yixing's neck, and Yixing shivers. He closes his eyes. He can feel his throat tightening again, going dry, all the air numbing his insides, but Joonmyun's touch is warm and sends a familiar sizzle down his abdomen. "This," Joonmyun whispers as he pulls Yixing closer, close though that Yixing can feel Joonmyun's breath hot on his skin, close enough that he can count Joonmyun's eyelashes if he wanted to. Close enough that if he so much as moved, his lips would find a home against Joonmyun's own and maybe he won't regret it. "This is a violation of the human code of conduct," Joonmyun soon continues, and Yixing takes a deep breath as Joonmyun darts out his tongue to wet his own lips.

"Is this… a reaction to the experiment?" Yixing asks, and all he gets in response is Joonmyun's soft laughter, the tips of Joonmyun's fingers catching on the underside of Yixing's jaw when he pulls away.

"You take over mixing duties for the negatives and I'll do the basic emotions mix," Joonmyun says now. Yixing nods, keeps his lips pressed thinly together. The better half of his senses is relieved, calm; the other half, oddly craving. He shakes his head lightly and swallows hard as he turns on his heel to get back to work.

When he looks over his shoulder, he finds Joonmyun still staring. The feeling of Joonmyun's hand on his nape burns.

Yixing wakes up to the sound of his very own alarm clock sounding off, f(x)'s song playing in his ears. The voices wrap around him in a comfortable enough grip that rouses him from his sleep but doesn't quite startle him. Beside him, Joonmyun only shifts, half of his face buried in a pillow and the other half exposed, almost pressed close to Yixing's chest. They'd resorted to sharing a bed last night, too lazy to remove the bags of vials they'd placed on the bed nearby, and it was cold; Joonmyun happened to be warm enough for comfort.

Yixing runs his hand up Joonmyun's back, trying to coax a response out of him, but Joonmyun only nuzzles his chest and snores all the more.

Slowly, Yixing pries himself from Joonmyun, slipping out of bed and getting on his feet. The clock reads eight in the morning — it takes a full hour for his mind to boot properly, so if he wants to get the most out of this day then he should be getting started at an early hour.

Only half an hour later does Joonmyun get up, hair sticking out in several directions and lips too red. His eyes are void of the warmth they usually carry, the one that had given Yixing the vote of confidence before he injected Jongin with the antidote to the emotions poisoning, but he doesn't look anything like the engineer who had walked into the cafeteria months ago with the promise of bringing EMO down. "Let's make a schedule. We should finish the resetter before lunch so we can test the serum after we eat," Joonmyun says, syllables drawn out as some of the words stumble from his lips.

Yixing lifts the pot of coffee and sets it down on the table, then lays down the dishes one by one. "Eat now, work later," he replies, and Joonmyun only laughs lightly in response. They're silent for the most part, only asking to pass the kimchi or rice from time to time, can you pour me more coffee? Coffee should be an emotion; you agree, right? Joonmyun's eyes aimlessly wander throughout the meal, finally settling on his food once he's done with this coffee.

"This place is pretty homey," Joonmyun comments. He moves his hand across the room, cutting through the air, and Yixing follows him with his eyes. "Is this an ancestral home or something? Kyungsoo's old house?"

"This was where I stayed up until my parents died." Yixing takes a deep breath and takes a sip of his coffee. He frowns when the now-cool liquid touches his skin. "The first and only house we've ever had, save for the one I grew up in in Busan."

Joonmyun snorts. Yixing slaps his hand because it's rude to do that when you're on the dining table, and because Joonmyun has always been warmer than most beings. "An underground house, really," Joonmyun retorts, but he quickly takes it back as he whispers an apology in Yixing's ear. The lurching sensation in Yixing's stomach sinks in again, pounding at his insides, clamoring for attention. He only clenches his fists at the slightest sign of alarm. "Cool parents."

"Cool and caring," Yixing replies, soft laughter occurring to him all too easily. He hasn't even taken another shot of the emotions serum; this must be payment for all the experimentation he'd been doing on himself.

Joonmyun looks to his side, the corners of his lips tugged up in a smile. His eyes are still sleep-laden but Yixing knows he can throw a question on balancing emotions at Joonmyun and Joonmyun will be able to give a good enough answer, even explain the whole thing to him. Joonmyun isn't an ordinary human — his endless pursuit for perfection makes him a cut above the rest. He may not be the best engineer in EMO, but he does work hard enough.

The drive to be better, motivation, inspiration — these things that fuel humans to be better versions of themselves, Yixing wants feel all of these things, too.

Joonmyun chugs the rest of his coffee down and surfaces with a grin and bright eyes. "Three hours 'til deadline," he says, then pushes himself off the chair. He takes over dishwashing duties, telling Yixing to check up on the Gangnam office and make sure that Kyungsoo has contacted the key beings in different EMO chapters.

Yixing finally manages to get in touch with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun some fifteen minutes after, and by then Joonmyun's already drying his hands beside Yixing and settling down beside him. "Done and done. All the chapters have been alerted. Minseok… also knows about this operation," Kyungsoo says, worrying his bottom lip as he ends. "He recommends using the diffuser in Namsan Tower, the one that releases stabilizers at—"

"9 a.m.," Joonmyun finishes. He looks at Yixing for a while, then turns his gaze back to Kyungsoo. "When's the next wave? Evening, right?"

"Yes. 10 p.m.. It would be tougher if we use the evening wave; beings usually put up protective spheres around their houses that time so we might just be wasting the serum by doing that."

Yixing nods slowly, and behind Kyungsoo he sees Baekhyun mouthing, Jungs. Gotta go. He gives Kyungsoo and Baekhyun a firm nod, then says, "Think we can arrange a 4 a.m. call time at Namsan Tower?" Kyungsoo rolls his eyes in response, but there's a small smile at the corner of his lips. "Bring Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Jong—"

"We need Jongin to stay in EMO. Or go back to EMO, at least, after the regroup. The Jungs won't touch him; he holds a high position in the government, second-in-command in my office." Joonmyun fishes for his phone, then turns to Kyungsoo with a rather sad smile. "Sorry, Kyungsoo. 3 a.m.. We need to meet earlier so we can make sure that everything's ironed out and that there won't be any Jungs getting in our way before we pull the lever."

Kyungsoo shoots Yixing a cursory glance before turning to nod at Joonmyun. "I'll get in touch with you tonight, 6 p.m.. Keep the lines open. We'll keep you plugged to surveillance just so you can see what's happening here."

"Awesome." Joonmyun claps his hands, then gives Kyungsoo and Baekhyun two thumbs up. "The Jungs are approaching. Turn off the feed coming from our end."

Yixing pushes himself off his seat and takes the laptop, transferring it to a much more stable desk. They glance at the monitor from time to time to check on the Gangnam office — there's Baekhyun looking over his shoulder from time to time, checking on his surroundings as he works, Kyungsoo removing the heavy tiny in Yixing's laboratory and flashing everyone his practiced smile, careful and corporate. Jongdae and Jongin are working on a case of a being who'd just undergone emotions poisoning, but Yixing can see the mouthpiece attached to Jongdae's chin and the way he whispers into it.

Jongin looks up at the surveillance camera, and Joonmyun chuckles. "He's always quick to spot cameras," Joonmyun mumbles, but he keeps his hands busy with uncapping a container of the resetter he's worked on before. "I'm adding apathy to this mix. That should effectively flush out all the emotions in the body."

"I'll do the testing. Just keep mixing emotions," Yixing says. "I'm not letting you wipe out all of your human emotions."

Joonmyun smiles a little. "Afraid to lose me?"

Maybe, except I don't know how fear feels, Yixing wants to say, but how can you explain not feeling something to someone who has been feeling every single thing his entire life? So Yixing goes with, "I still need you for this project," and doesn't meet Joonmyun in the eye when Joonmyun lays a palm flat on his thigh. The warmth begins to seep through his jeans, and he's just about to tell Joonmyun to focus on his work, there are lives to be saved, when Joonmyun starts drumming his fingers on Yixing's thigh. "Concentrate," he says, anyway, despite his throat going dry, and Joonmyun looks up at him again before pulling away and laying his palms flat on the table.

Joonmyun hums a small melody under his breath as he works, standing from his seat from time to time to fetch a couple of vials or maybe grab a glass of water. 5mL of wasted apathy later, the resetter is finally deemed as complete, and Joonmyun brandishes one vial of the stabilizer in front of Yixing who has just removed his goggles to give his eyes a rest.

Yixing glances at the wall clock. Just a little before lunch time. They're right on schedule.

Yixing takes out the emotion administration kit, laying down the syringe, a couple of cotton balls, and sedative patches beside him. Joonmyun puts on his gloves and takes a lancet from the kit, then lines up the vials near Yixing's outstretched arm. "The mix is stronger than before so you'll just need a drop to the punctured area," Joonmyun says, then takes a cotton ball and sprays some of the standard stabilizer on it. Yixing grabs the nearest stool, settling down. He takes a deep breath as Joonmyun takes his hand, spreading out his fingers and pressing the tip of his index finger lightly to improve the blood circulation. One swipe of the stabilizer, and Yixing nods before Joonmyun presses the tip of the lancet to his finger, pressing it deeper into Yixing's skin until the blades creates a nice, clean puncture.

"Ready? Joonmyun asks as he fishes for another lancet, his other hand still steady as he holds Yixing's hand.

Yixing gulps hard and nods.

The next he feels is a cold, cold wave of something he can't quite pinpoint as Joonmyun transfers the drop of the resetter from an eldonstick. The first contact of the liquid sends him shivering, his heartbeat quickening in tandem with his ragged breathing. He widens his eyes at the impact and his mind empties. He can hear the shuffling of Joonmyun's feet, the ticking of the clock, can see Joonmyun taking a drop of the emotions serum and placing it on an eldonstick, can see Joonmyun taking a lancet and pricking himself with it, transferring some of his blood into the emotions serum—

Joonmyun— Joonmyun, what are you— His lips are frozen and his throat is tight and dry and he wants to scream, wants to tell Joonmyun that they can't do that, we can't use your blood to strengthen the serum, we just can't, but he's lost his ability to speak and has lost control over his limbs, and Joonmyun's giving him a wistful smile as Joonmyun draws the eldonstick closer, pouring the solution into the open wound.

Everything slows down, and his vision fades to black.

Yixing counts, numbers be damned, to the heavy beating in his chest, and soon he feels a violent breath of life take over him, filling his lungs. There's a blinding flash of light and all the darkness is gone, soon replaced by Joonmyun's blurred figure just in front of him. "You… fucker…" he manages to say between heavy breathing, and soon Joonmyun presses a cold cotton swab to the open wound and fastens the soft material there with medical tape. He can feel the pounding in his chest slowing down, but he still hasn't regained the feeling in his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Joonmyun asks, voice barely above a whisper, and Yixing looks up to meet him in the eye.

He feels a surge of electricity coursing through his veins as Joonmyun holds the gaze. Joonmyun brushes the back of his hand against Yixing's cheek, traces Yixing's jaw with his fingers, then rests his hands on Yixing's collarbones. He can feel his heart racing in his chest again. Joonmyun's fingers are cold, and Joonmyun's lips are trembling, and the only thing that makes sense right now is for Yixing to move closer or for him to pull Joonmyun in until their bodies are flush against each other. He reaches out, snaking his hand up Joonmyun's nape, then pulls down hard until Joonmyun gasps. He can hear Joonmyun's hitched breathing, can hear all the small sounds Joonmyun makes as Yixing rubs circles on Joonmyun's skin with his thumb. Joonmyun is frozen and so is Yixing, and would it make sense to press closer until he can feel Yixing's skin against his, the warm press of cheek against cheek, Joonmyun's heart pounding against Yixing's chest?

In the battle between mind and heart, the heart has always emerged as the winner. There is no competition.

"This is fear, right?" Yixing asks, slow and tentative. Joonmyun gives a low grunt, darts out his tongue to wet his lips. Yixing can feel it in his gut, a force pulling him forward, so he slides his hand around Joonmyun's waist, pulling him close until Joonmyun's sitting on his lap. He wants to feel Joonmyun, he wants to touch, but this is all so foreign to him, like he's being born again and thrust into the air and he's so exposed, stripped down to his skin, and Joonmyun's there, assessing, studying him with a gaze that leaves Yixing craving contact.

"Hesitation," Joonmyun whispers. He tilts his head and leans closer, moving to rest his cheek against Yixing's temple, moving forward just a little until his lips brush against Yixing's ear. Joonmyun nips on his earlobe, feather-light, and Yixing feels a tingling sensation travel from his nape down to his fingertips. He gasps as Joonmyun sucks hard, then licks along the shell of his ear. He cocks his head and Joonmyun takes it as an invitation, sucking on the area where jaw meets neck, and Yixing answers by pressing a kiss to the underside of Joonmyun's jaw.

"Fuck—"

"Not yet," Yixing says. He smiles a little, but then Joonmyun's sucking harder like he's exacting revenge or trying to prove a point, a neat line down Yixing's neck. Yixing fights back, licking along the column on Joonmyun's neck and blowing hot breath against Joonmyun's skin. Joonmyun throws his head back, hands tightening around Yixing's waist, and Yixing pulls Joonmyun back in, sliding a hand up Joonmyun's neck to grab him by the hair.

There are a hundred, a thousand — no, a million things going on in his mind, but all these thoughts get lost as he presses his lips on Joonmyun's. The first contact is brief, light, all tease and no taste, until Yixing licks along the seam of Joonmyun's lips and Joonmyun willingly grants him access. Joonmyun's mouth is hot like a furnace, and Yixing feels explosions at the tips of his fingers as he licks the back of Joonmyun's teeth, the cavern of Joonmyun's mouth, as he sucks on Joonmyun's bottom lip, again and again until Joonmyun retaliates with a swipe of the tongue. His whole body feels hot — Joonmyun's skin stings and burns and he doesn't really mind going down in flames, not like this, when Joonmyun bucks his hips forward and he feels the tension in his pants consume him all the more.

A gasp gets choked down his throat as Joonmyun bites his lower lip, the scrape of teeth against flesh sending a sharp pain to his senses. Joonmyun massages the bruised area with his tongue, licking and licking until Yixing finds his ground again, one hand falling to Joonmyun's inner thigh. He hears Joonmyun's breath hitch, an almost inaudible gasp escaping Joonmyun's lips, and he rubs steady circles, each stroke harder and bigger that the previous until his thumb ghosts the length of Joonmyun's erection.

"Yi—xing—"

"We're on schedule," Yixing murmurs against Joonmyun's skin. He feels Joonmyun's Adam's Apple bob against his lips, Joonmyun's skin so hot and flush against his own, and he snakes his hands under Joonmyun's shirt, pulling it over Joonmyun's head and tossing it to the floor.

He licks a nipple, only lightly at first, testing, and Joonmyun lets out a low moan. He palms Joonmyun's erection through his pants, thumb running a line up the length and his palm pressing down on the tip of Joonmyun's cock at the same time that he takes a nipple between his lips. He sucks on the sensitive skin and Joonmyun starts rolling his hips, the friction of their pants and the force of Yixing's palm pressing down on his cock making each motion sweet torture. The thrusts become faster, sharper, when Yixing slips his hand inside Joonmyun's pants and wraps it around Joonmyun's length. He moves slowly, each pump drawn out, and Joonmyun gasps when Yixing cups his balls, giving them a light squeeze. The throaty moan makes Yixing pump faster, harder, and soon Joonmyun is spilling all over his fist, face buried in the crook of his neck, the open press of Joonmyun's lips against his skin hot and warm. His grip is loose now, but Joonmyun still bucks into the touch, grinding harder against Yixing's erection, and then he's coming in his pants, and Joonmyun's kissing him again, sucking on his bottom lip, the corners of his mouth, the underside of his jaw.

He rests his forehead against Joonmyun's as he tries to even his breathing. His vision is still blurred and fuzzy, and his muscles burn, and Joonmyun's humming against his skin now. He can feel the movement of Joonmyun's cheeks, the light upward tug on the corner of the lip, and exhales loudly.

"So I guess the serum works," he says after a while. His throat still feels tight, but the rest of his body feels oddly at ease. Joonmyun slaps his arm lightly, leaning in as he mutters, of course, it would. They stay still for a few sticky minutes, the bodies flush against each other, the heavy beating in their chests forming a steady harmony.

Yixing has very little experience with feeling happy, but this — having Joonmyun in his arms, Joonmyun pressing staccato kisses on his lips, the freedom and the courage to kiss Joonmyun back because he knows how to react to this feeling now, he's no longer a stranger to this — this is real happiness.

It's the happiest he's been in his entire life.

"And that's the last of it."

Yixing leans closer, scanning the vials all lined up and arranged properly inside the bag. Years of research, weeks of experimentation, and all their hard work have boiled down to this — bottles carrying emotions as close to that of the human race's neatly placed inside a big black bag, ready to be carried to Namsan Tower tomorrow. "We did make enough for everyone, right?" Joonmyun asks now, and Yixing laughs lightly, shaking his head as he reaches over to ruffle Joonmyun's hair.

"You worry too much. Everything's going to be alright!" Yixing locks his arms behind his back, drawing his shoulders back as he stretches. Hours of being pinned to his seat has made his muscles go cold, and Joonmyun has been kind enough to keep him warm on certain occasions, when they're not holding vials and syringes and transferring substances from a dish to a bottle. He's still easing into the concept of having this spectrum of emotions, though, being able to feel too many things all at the same time. He learns to clench and unclench his fists when he has to hold back, learns that the lick of the lips is an open invitation for Joonmyun to come over and lean in for a kiss.

He learns that fear is more than just being afraid — it's having to acquaint oneself with something so foreign, something completely different from what one has grown accustomed to, and trying to make the most out of it. The initial reaction to fear is always fear, but no one ever said that it has to stop there. So Yixing leans in, resting his head on Joonmyun's shoulder. "We've checked and double-checked everything; nothing can go wrong."

"You sound so sure of yourself," Joonmyun mumbles, teasing, but he leans into the touch, anyway.

"Because I am." Yixing looks up. Joonmyun's smile looks gentler from this angle, this distance. "And I have faith in you."

Joonmyun's expression is still, unmoving, lips pressed thinly together, until he shakes his head. The ghost of a smile lights the corners of his lips, and Yixing can feel the knots in his stomach ease.

They get in touch with the Gangnam headquarters a few minutes after, and Kyungsoo runs them through the final plan for tomorrow's operation. "The Neurotics are going mad, though," Jongin quips. He worries his bottom lip before continuing, "They're planning to shut down EMO, so we only have five to ten minutes until 70% of the EMO population is confined in the building."

"Jongin's charms can only do so much," Baekhyun comments. He fights for space in front of the camera, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes as he lets himself be pushed to the side. Behind them, Jongdae shakes his head. The crinkles at corners of his eyes do very little to breathe color into his features. "I can help control the chaos here, if it does break out and you need Kyungsoo and Jongdae with you at 9. Jongdae can't do any physical combat, not at this time. The poor kid's barely gotten any sleep the past few days."

"Not a kid," Jongdae retorts but he relents, anyway, saying, "But yeah, I'd rather be put in the mind fucking department. I've been told I do rather well in that."

Jongin grins, then snakes an arm around Baekhyun. "I'm taking this one, then."

"Awesome!" Yixing shares the map with the locations of the diffusers, then pulls up another map focusing on Namsan Tower and the bridge to Yeongdeungpo. "We'll need two people to operate the Yeongdeungpo diffuser, by the way. Kyungsoo, Jongdae, are you two up to that?"

Kyungsoo winks at him, and Yixing feels the muscles in his cheeks ease. "We've got that covered. The only thing we need right now is sleep."

Beside him, Joonmyun chuckles and claps his hand. "Okay, okay. Hit the sack, everyone. Big day tomorrow."

It's when Yixing dims the lights that Joonmyun moves to sit on his bed, one leg tucked under all of his weight. "This is it, huh?" Joonmyun says, but Yixing hears the unspoken This might be our last night together, sees it in the way Joonmyun focuses his eyes on anything but Yixing's own, in the shift of Joonmyun's muscles, in the loud exhale and shallow breathing and in Joonmyun's soft touch that burns patterns at the back of his hand. He looks up, keeps his gaze steady until Joonmyun meets him in the eye. Joonmyun's touch wavers, and Yixing slowly lifts his hand so he can hold Joonmyun in place.

"Sleep with me?" Yixing asks, voice barely above a whisper.

Joonmyun lifts his gaze, traveling from their laced fingers to the length of Yixing's arm, then further north until their eyes meet again. "You do know what that means, right?" he asks, the hint of laughter in the chuckle that he punctuates his question with, and Yixing pinches the back of his hand lightly before he responds.

"It means I want you here—" Yixing pats the empty space beside him. His hand sinks into the mattress, and Joonmyun crawls over to where his hand is. Joonmyun slips beneath the covers, toes grazing Yixing's ankle, and Yixing takes a sharp breath. Every contact is electric, still, even if he has already touched Joonmyun so many times today, even if Joonmyun's just looking at him, a small smile on the curve of the lip, like he's laughing at Yixing's tiny reactions. He takes a deep breath then snakes an arm around Joonmyun's waist. Joonmyun's knee slides between Yixing's legs, and Joonmyun hooks one food around Yixing's ankle. "Right here."

Joonmyun shifts a little and moves closer. The tip of his nose grazes Yixing's skin. "That's it?"

Yixing reaches south to slap Joonmyun in the ass, and Joonmyun laughs a little in response. "Yes, that's it."

Joonmyun falls asleep first, small noises slipping from his lips occasionally, and Yixing listens to Joonmyun's even breathing as he closes his eyes and buries his nose in Joonmyun's hair, finding comfort in the warm press of Joonmyun's body against his.

It takes more than just one alarm to rouse them from their sleep. Both Sonyeoshidae and f(x) are singing in the background when they bolt up, nearly hitting each other in the face. Five more minutes, Yixing wants to say, but it's already a little over one in the morning and Kyungsoo with throw a fit if they don't arrive on time. Temporary security shutdown happens sometime between two and four in the morning, too; if they want to carry out this mission in the smoothest, easiest way possible, they have to get up now.

Joonmyun's still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when Yixing finally manages to collect himself. He gets himself a fresh change of clothes and prepares a set for Joonmyun, as well, and Joonmyun looks up at him, slightly bewildered but still laden with sleep. "I'm so confused; do you want to clothe me or to take off my clothes? Pick one, Yixing," he teases, and Yixing only shakes his head and pinches him in his side in response.

Their elbows bump as they brush their teeth, and Joonmyun makes a small game out of who can brush his teeth the best and the fastest. "Winner gets dibs on the shower," Joonmyun says, but Yixing traps him against the wall, remnants of foam still flaunted on the corners of Joonmyun's lips. He catches the no fair and we don't have time that slips from Joonmyun's lips, and he quickly strips himself and Joonmyun of clothes, dragging Joonmyun with him into the shower.

It's not the longest shower but it isn't the quickest, either — Yixing counts the minutes they have until they have to rush to Namsan before he presses Joonmyun against the cold tiles of the wall, and Joonmyun waits for Yixing to resurface before he cranes his neck, searching Yixing's lips for a kiss. The water is warm and the steam pricks his skin, but the press of Joonmyun's skin against his stings even more even with the water coating their bodies slick. Joonmyun licks the underside of Yixing's jaw, sucks on the column of his neck until he reaches the base of his throat, and Yixing throws his head back when Joonmyun slides his hands further south, cupping Yixing's ass.

"We're supposed to freshen up, not get dirty," Yixing mumbles. Joonmyun's body slumps forward, against his chest, and Joonmyun laughs into the crook of his neck.

They hit the road just before two in the morning, just in case they hit a few roadblocks and have to take a different route. Joonmyun takes over driving duty, and Yixing keeps his eyes fixed on the pocket monitor, checking to see where the Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Jongin are. Four tiny dots show up, taking the path outside of Gangnam and north of Seoul and, as if on cue, he gets a call from Kyungsoo.

"We're being followed," Kyungsoo says, whispers into the receiver. There's static in the background for a while. He can hear Jongin's voice, rough with sleep, saying take a right instead of going straight ahead, just in case., and Yixing hits the camo button of the van Joonmyun is driving even before Joonmyun can ask why.

"Are you out of camo fuel?"

"No, not really. It's just that—" Static again, and then, "We've had the camo up since we left the boarding house and we still haven't lost the Jungs."

Yixing worries his bottom lip for a while, then gives a set of directions to Joonmyun. "We're pushing through with meeting up at Namsan. Jongin, Baekhyun, get off once you reach the Treasury." Joonmyun takes a right at the corner, looking at the side mirrors to check if there are any cars or Jungs trailing them. "Soo, Jongdae, keep driving until you get to Namsan. Make sure that the diffuser actually works. We'll pick up Baekhyun and Jongin before going to the tower. We just have to shake up the Jungs a bit."

A sound of affirmation, then Kyungsoo ends the call.

Jongin and Baekhyun are waiting just behind the bushes when Yixing and Joonmyun arrive. They quietly shuffle inside, and Baekhyun gets in touch with Kyungsoo who's just a few minutes away from Namsan. "They passed Huamdong five minutes ago," Baekhyun tells Yixing. To Kyungsoo, he says, "We're in Yejangdong. Should be there in five."

"Tell them to walk the last few blocks," Joonmyun says. "We can't be too sure, maybe the Jungs are just hiding."

Baekhyun nods at the two and turns back to his phone.

The last ten minutes of the journey are done on foot, with Jongin scooping the bag of vials in his arms and Baekhyun carrying the bag for the resetters. Joonmyun walks a few meters ahead of them, looking around to check if there are any traps, and Yixing takes the end of the line, doing the same. Halfway through and he can already hear Jongin's heavy breathing, but Jongin keeps a smile on his face like it will alleviate the fatigue of walking an uphill path at two in the morning. When they finally reach the tower, they're met with Jongdae tapping his foot by the entrance. The shift from an impassive look to a smile takes longer than the usual — more than five seconds, twice as much as the time it takes for Joonmyun to go from a small smile to full, bright laughter.

Yixing shakes his head just a bit. He's not human, Yixing reminds himself. Not for long, though.

"Ten to three. You're cutting it really close. But at least you're safe," Jongdae says. His voice cracks when the wind blows — summer is uncharacteristically cool this year, and cold wind sends shivers down Yixing's spine. "Good news — the diffuser's working. We tested using the stabilizers Kyungsoo developed a few days ago. I was able to knock down a Jung easily after that."

Yixing takes the bag from Jongin and Jongin gives him a relieved smile, eyes turning into slits as he mumbles a small sound of gratitude. Jongdae leads them to a different path that isn't as straightforward as the one Yixing and Kyungsoo take all the time, but it's safer, Yixing thinks as he bends a little, narrowly avoiding the low-hanging beam. "It actually took us a while to find the diffuser. Kyungsoo says it's been moved from where you last saw it."

"I have smoke bombs at ready," Jongin offers, snorting, and, when Baekhyun nudges him in his side, he presses his lips thinly together to keep all of the sound inside.

The observation deck looks a lot like a warzone when they reach the place, unconscious Jungs shuffled to one side as Kyungsoo cleans out the diffuser. He looks up, acknowledging the presence of the group, and gives Yixing's arm a light squeeze before taking the bag from him. "Don't worry about them. It will take more than loud chattering to wake them up," Kyungsoo says, and he begins to take the vials, slipping them into their slots one by one.

"Six hours," Jongdae says as he checks on the Jungs, gently pulling at the area under their eyes. "I'll need sedatives—" Jongin slides right beside Jongdae, a bottle of sedative in hand, and Jongdae gives him a close-lipped smile as he takes the substance. "Thanks. This should add three more hours to that."

"Or I can go to the City Hall and change the generic command for all Jungs," Jongin says. Through the darkness, he searches for Yixing's gaze and Yixing nods in response, musters a small smile as he hands three bottles of resetters to Kyungsoo. "I'll try, at least. No one has ever successfully altered the command code, save for the higher ups."

"You're a mechanic for a reason, kid," Baekhyun comments. "Best of your batch. If you can revive someone who's been declared clinically dead then you can definitely crack the code," he adds, and by then all eyes are on Jongin, eyebrows raised and lips quirked up.

"I'll leave at six," Jongin finally says. Joonmyun walks over to where Jongin is, and Yixing smiles a little when Joonmyun hands him a small vial of the emotion retainer serum. There's a brief hug and the light squeeze of the arm — anyone who doesn't know Jongin is actually human will catch on, especially with his fast-changing expressions, the shift from one mood to another all too visible in his features. "Relax, I won't die."

Joonmyun keeps his lips pressed thinly together. "You won't," Joonmyun says, voice raw and heavy. "Nobody will."

The wait is torture. Jongin has long left to go to the City Hall and attempt to crack the command code, but the Jungs that Kyungsoo had knocked out hours ago woke up and almost attacked them. Baekhyun's hapkido knowledge had saved them, and now Jongdae is checking on the unconscious Jungs for what seems to be the nth time that hour. Baekhyun has retreated to a rather quiet area of the viewing deck, running through the plan in his head, his hand gestures giving him away, and Joonmyun is standing by the diffuser, hands in his pockets. "Just a little more than an hour," Kyungsoo says as he moves next to Yixing. "Are you ready?"

Yixing laughs a little and takes a deep breath. "I'm human. I'm human again."

There's no preamble to an announcement that might as well be a universal truth — it's only a matter of time, Yixing thinks, until he turns completely human again. The experiments were bound to screw him up one way or another, and he's glad they didn't decide to take its toll on him, even after the Reset that Joonmyun performed on him. "You do have a retainer serum with you, right?" is the only thing that Kyungsoo says, and Yixing nods as he snakes an arm around Kyungsoo's shoulder.

"It feels great." Kyungsoo turns his left, looking up at him. His eyebrows are furrowed but there's a small smile at the corner of his lips. The contrast is the closest Kyungsoo can get to being human — at the moment, at least. Being with Kyungsoo is the closest to feeling complete that Yixing had been before the surge of emotions crawled under his skin and took root in his system. Kyungsoo kept him breathing; Joonmyun breathed life into him. Happiness had never been about settling; it's going for the best things in life and never regretting any decision you've ever made.

"And Joonmyun?"

"He's human," Yixing simply replies. Kyungsoo nods slowly, and something about the slow-forming smile on Kyungsoo's lips tells him that Kyungsoo means to say more. "Always has been, actually. He's one of the last surviving humans. Remember the group of humans that was contained in Busan?"

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. "The project Minseok was raving about for at least a month?"

"The one and only." Yixing nods slowly, like he's still processing the whole thing. He meets Joonmyun's eyes a few meters away, and he feels a surge of heat crawl up his spine, wrapping around his neck. "Joonmyun was part of that group. Him and Jongin."

"That's—" Kyungsoo's eyes say funny, tell me another joke, but instead he says, "— interesting."

Joonmyun raises a hand, and Yixing cranes his neck to get a better glimpse of Joonmyun's face. "It's time," Joonmyun says, and Kyungsoo gives Joonmyun a curt nod before turning back to Yixing.

Kyungsoo looks up him, wide-eyed, and if Yixing squints he'll probably see all the hope in Kyungsoo's eyes. "Good luck," Kyungsoo whispers, and he gives Jongdae and Baekhyun a pat on the arm, telling them to start moving and stop daydreaming, we've got a mission to accomplish.

Joonmyun catches up with Kyungsoo before they leave, taking him in a tight hug, and Kyungsoo pulls away with an easy smile.

They do last minute checks around the perimeter, with Joonmyun excusing himself to leave the observation deck to check if the gates are locked or there are any Jungs surrounding the area. "All clear," Joonmyun says when he returns, eyes now bright and void of the fatigue he'd carried around with him earlier, dark circles painting his skin a sick shade.

Yixing glances at his watch — ten minutes until nine in the morning. Kyungsoo had checked in earlier, saying that he and Jongdae are already in Cheonggyecheon and that the vials have already been loaded, ready for when the clock finally strikes nine and they have to pull the lever. Joonmyun slowly approaches, holding two small vials of the retainer serum, and Yixing holds out his hand to take one of them.

Joonmyun begins to uncap the bottles they've loaded onto the machine, and he fishes for a vial from his pocket, slipping it in the only vacant slot. Yixing catches sight of the action even before Joonmyun can push the vial in, hand quickly reaching out to grab Joonmyun by the wrist. "The serum is already good; you don't need to add your blood to the mix, Joonmyun—" Yixing furrows his eyebrows, and Joonmyun only offers a small smile, one corner tugged up and the other tugged down. "If anything ever goes wrong, you'll be—"

"Yixing, look out!"

Yixing turns around to look over his shoulder, and he narrowly avoids a shot of apathy that one of the Jungs fires at them. There are three — no, at least seven Jungs at the entrance, all armed with apathy guns and with the resolve to take them down. "I'll take care of this," Joonmyun says and, before Yixing can even react, Joonmyun runs over to where the Jungs are and grabs one of the Jungs by the wrist, pulling him close then snatching the apathy gun and hitting him on the nape with the bottom of the weapon.

Joonmyun quickly reloads the gun, firing two shots of apathy to one of the Jungs. The Jung falls to the ground, and the remaining ones begin to charge towards Joonmyun. A series of gunshots, and Yixing's chest constricts as he grips the handle of the lever harder. Meters away, Joonmyun ducks, evading one the enemies, and hits the Jung in the gut with the bottom the gun, then fires apathy to the face of another Jung. This isn't part of the plan — they were going to shoot a stream of resetters and human emotions in the air, that's all. They're not supposed to be fighting Jungs, taking them down with their own weapons. They're not supposed to be throwing punches; they're supposed to be breathing life into beings.

Dammit— Yixing glances at the communicator — no word from either Kyungsoo's team or Jongin. His watch tells him they only have a minute to go, until they push through with the Reset. He tries to look for an opening, one slip that can take out all the remaining Jungs, but to no avail — these aren't the ordinary Jungs who patrol the streets of Seoul on a daily basis. They are machines, robots, emotionless creatures out to kill them in the quickest way possible.

Yixing sneaks another look at his watch. Thirty seconds. "Joonmyun, drink the retainer serum!"

Joonmyun cranes his neck at the sound and takes a punch to the arm, sending him hurtling to the ground. "No time," Joonmyun yells. "Pull the lever if you have to!" He moves to his side just in time to evade another punch, and he grabs the Jung by the suit, pulling the Jung to the ground and hitting his nape with the muzzle of the gun.

Twenty. "Joonmyun, just drink the damned serum, please—"

Joonmyun fires a few more shots, successfully taking down two more Jungs. The remaining two are weak but still alive, and if Joonmyun lets his defenses down then the Jungs will easily be able to take them out — worse, take them to the Neurotics. "Pull the lever, Yixing," Joonmyun says one more time, finally looking at him in the eye, and Yixing points to the Jung behind Joonmyun.

Joonmyun swings the gun and pins down one of the Jungs with it, but the other assaults him from behind, catching him in a headlock. Kyungsoo's voice comes in in the communicator, saying, ten seconds 'til the Reset. Jongin apologizes, saying that the code is too hard to crack, I did my best. I'm sorry. Baekhyun reports from Gangnam and assures them that Minseok is safe and, five seconds, everyone. Good luck!

Yixing looks at Joonmyun as Joonmyun mouths, do it, now.

He pushes the vial with Joonmyun's blood in the slot and watches as the hand moves closer to the center, the ticking of the clock becoming louder. He grips the handle of the lever tight. Joonmyun hits the Jung with his elbow repeatedly, trying to rid himself of the Jung's hold. Yixing takes a deep breath and begins to pull the lever, slowly at first until he finds his strength, and pushes the handle all the way down. He hears the spray shooting out the resetter, and he hears the sound of something hitting the ground. Another wave, this time the emotions, and he stops getting reception from Gangnam completely. He glances at Joonmyun for one last time as the last layer of serum is released into the air — Joonmyun's own emotions — and closes his eyes.

Another sound of something falling to the ground, and then complete silence.

Namsan? Hello? Namsan, can you hear me? The Jungs are down. The Neurotics have been pacified.
Yixing, we've won the war.
Yixing?

Yixing slowly opens his eyes, clenching and unclenching his fists. He doesn't feel anything different, anything out of place, but the few drops of the emotions serum sting his skin. The Jungs around him have fallen to the ground, their lips drawn to a relaxed smile, and the vials are now empty. Soon, everyone will rouse from their deep sleep and start feeling again, start living.

The blinding light eases completely and he finds Joonmyun on the ground, eyes closed and lips parted. "Joonmyun's down," he says into the receiver, hoping Jongin will get his message and take it as a cue to check on the team at Cheonggyecheon, and he runs to where Joonmyun is. Joonmyun feels too heavy, limp, lifeless in his arms, and his skin is cold. "Joonmyun. Joonmyun, wake up—" Yixing says, running his fingers along the trace of Joonmyun's jaw, but to no avail — Joonmyun isn't responding.

"Jongin, Joonmyun's down. Dammit, Jongin—" He can feel his hands shaking, and he grips Joonmyun's arm tight as he pulls Joonmyun closer to his chest. "What the fuck went wrong? Even if he got reset, he wouldn't have—"

I'm sorry, Yixing. I… Shaky breath, then, I don't know what happened. I'm sorry.

He hears a soft grunt, and he leans back as the sound turns into incoherent mumbling. There's a thin layer of color creeping up Joonmyun's neck now, covering his face, and soon he's opening his eyes. His lips quiver. "Joonmyun, oh my God, I almost—" He cups Joonmyun's face, leaning close until their foreheads bump, but Joonmyun only responds with even breathing, a hiccup.

He pulls away for a second time and searches Joonmyun's eyes for answers, but all he gets is a steady gaze, an empty stare.

Yixing takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, the cool contact of Joonmyun's skin against his cutting him wide open. It stings.

✪ ✪ ✪

It's the longest ride from Namsan to the Gangnam headquarters ever. With beings — no, too many people — on the streets, still getting used to the change, weaving through the streets of Seoul becomes more of a chore than an easy trip. Joonmyun sits still in the passenger seat, eyes focused on the road ahead, and Yixing shoots him an occasional glance, checking for any sign of change or the shock wearing off.

"How are things in the HQ?" he says into the receiver. Baekhyun hums for a while before giving a lowdown of the events succeeding the Reset and the Rebirth, and Kyungsoo interrupts him halfway through to assure Yixing that everything's fine, it's just that Baekhyun is more annoying than ever.

"Can you make sure my lab is clear?" he asks. The turns a sharp corner, and Joonmyun only exhales loudly. Joonmyun's eyes wander, like he's easing himself into the new sight or he's never been here before, not in the recent past. The taste of blood and metal catches on Yixing's tongue. "Might need to perform an operation. Or a long-term experiment. I—"

We heard about Joonmyun, Kyungsoo says. Joonmyun's eyes shoot up at the sound of his name, but the rest of his face stays the same — lips pressed thinly together, cheeks relaxed. Yixing wishes for a flicker of surrender to flash across Joonmyun's features, but things aren't as easy as that. Breakthroughs don't happen overnight. Resetting a human, infusing him with artificial human emotions, and hoping he'll wake up with the same ounce of vigor as he had before is stupid, and Yixing hasn't been trained all these years to be that.

"I broke him," he says, voice dropping to a whisper as he continues, "But I intend to put him back together. It will just take time."

Some of the engineers and mechanics are leading the Jungs out of the headquarters by the time Yixing and Joonmyun arrive. Yixing goes straight for the elevator, his hand wrapped around Joonmyun's wrist as he presses the button for the sixth floor. The chatter in the lift is a bit disconcerting — noise has never been his thing, but having Baekhyun and Jongdae as his friends has made easing into the concept of it much easier. The noise fades to a whisper as the people slowly vacate the lift, leaving floor after floor, and Yixing gently ushers Joonmyun forward by placing a hand on the small of his back.

Human Joonmyun would have quickly looked over his shoulder and turned to him with wide eyes, but this Joonmyun only looks forward and walks ahead of him. The lack of warmth against his palm makes his stomach turn.

Joonmyun lays down on the operating table at the first request, giving Yixing a curt nod once he's completely settled. Yixing snaps on his gloves and takes the wires, placing the suction cups on Joonmyun's pulse points and attaching the electric clips to the nubs. "Close your eyes," he whispers, trying to sound as impassive as possible, and Joonmyun does him a favor, quickly shutting his eyes and staying still.

Yixing takes a deep breath and turns on the machine, going through the procedure as methodically as possible. He looks at anything but Joonmyun's face, Joonmyun's hollow eyes, Joonmyun's lips.

"So not drinking the retainer serum fucked him up big time, huh?"

Yixing snorts as he leans back, pushing himself off the ground and sitting on the ledge. Kyungsoo quickly turns to him, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down in a frown, and Yixing laughs a little at the fast response, the new stimulus. Kyungsoo has always been a worry-wart but, now that he's been infused with human emotions, his senses and reaction have been magnified ten-fold. He'd slap Baekhyun's hand away when it begins to encroach private space, Baekhyun's hand crawling up his neck, or he'd shoot Jongdae a stern look at the onset of a bad joke. Jongin is the most sound of them, having grown accustomed to the emotions already, and he's generous with pats on the arm or the back whenever possible and assuring words like, you'll get used to it.

"Imagine being 100% human, then being reset, then being forced to feel human again." Yixing laughs a little, albeit dryly. He chokes on his own spit. "So yes, 'fucked him up' is the best way to describe it."

"How did the experiment go, though?"

"Eh…" He locks one foot onto his ankle and swings his legs forward, stopping just before he hits Kyungsoo. "Do you want me to give you another scenario? Imagine being 100% human, then—"

Kyungsoo slaps him hard on the arm, enough to make him too aware of the feet of empty space just beyond the ledge, the amount of pain he'd have to deal with if he ever fell off. "Okay, okay, I get it," Kyungsoo exclaims, each of Yixing's hits harder than the previous, and Yixing sinks into the touch, the familiar warmth, the allure of Kyungsoo's laughter.

There's a thick blanket of silence for a while, one that makes Yixing's stomach turn and the tips of his fingers grow cold. It hasn't rained in the past twelve hours, yet the wind that tousles their hair is cold enough to pass of as autumn breeze. "Chuseok's just around the corner," Yixing says, and Kyungsoo makes a small, indiscernible sound as he turns to him. "Should I make a wish while looking at the moon?"

Kyungsoo straightens up and leans back, looking at Yixing from an arm's length. "I'm still small. Don't say I didn't warn you," he says, and Yixing pulls him closer, snaking an arm around his shoulder and ruffling his hair in the process.

"It's worth a shot, though," Kyungsoo whispers after a while, in between heavy breathing. Yixing's still catching his breath, chest so full he feels he might explode. There's something akin to a promise in Kyungsoo's eyes, a hint of hope in the way the corners crinkle and in the way his lips curve up. He worries his bottom lip before continuing, "I only wished once, so maybe if you wish hard enough, too many times, the gods will be so annoyed and will just grant you your wish."

"Are you saying I'm annoying?" Yixing asks. He can feel his fingers again. He silently thanks the wind for not blowing as hard anymore.

"The most annoying person ever," Kyungsoo replies, then aims a punch to Yixing's arm. He feels the blunt force of it shooting up his arm, untying the knots in his stomach. He feels a bit alive.

Research says humans learn better — information, even emotions — through experience, and Yixing says, "Why the hell not?"

Jongdae enlists Joonmyun in a program, something that mechanics usually use to ease a Neurotic back into a more balanced mix of emotions. "It's a basic emotions course. Treat it as a class where you'll be embracing your emotions and picking out the one that you want to define you," Jongdae explains, eyes shifting between Yixing and Joonmyun. Joonmyun nods, eyes wide open, lips drawn to a thin line, and Yixing keeps his eyes on Joonmyun's features, studying the movement of every muscle, careful not to miss anything.

The first day sees Jongin digging up piles upon piles of Joonmyun's history, all contained in a box that almost reaches up to Kyungsoo's knees. Pictures of his childhood, awards he'd gotten back in elementary, middle school, all of his academic years — all of those are there, in the box containing Joonmyun's life before EMO. "He's always had an obsession with being the best," Jongin mentions as they sift through the things, and Joonmyun leans forward, resting his chin on Yixing's shoulder and humming under his breath.

"That's me."

Yixing chuckles and looks to his side. He can feel the rhythmic rise and fall of Joonmyun's chest against his arm, Joonmyun's hot breath against his cheek, the weight of Joonmyun's body as Joonmyun leans closer, snatching a photo from Joonmyun — they're wearing togas in this one, graduation caps tucked under one arm. Jongin's teary-eyed and Joonmyun looks as if he's torn between crying and laughing. "With him," Joonmyun adds, pointing at Jongin, and Jongin nods fervently, eyes bright and teeth all bared and glimmering in the white light.

"Jongin's one of your closest friends," Yixing explains. He leans back, and Joonmyun immediately props his chin on his clasped hands. He looks like a child studying interesting shapes, or maybe a kid who seeing a box of 128 crayons for the very first time. "You came here with him," Yixing continues and Joonmyun simply nods, taking in the information.

"Who are you, then?"

Funny that Joonmyun should ask when he has spent the past three days getting on the operating table and off of it at the single mention of a request, no trace of hesitation in his actions despite not knowing who Yixing is. Yixing parts his lips now, trying to coax out a sound, but his throat feels dry and tight. Jongin looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed, but there's a hint of amusement present in the curve of his lips. "I'm… also a very good friend of yours," Yixing answers after a while, when the feeling in his tongue finally settles back in. "You and I — we helped saved the world, you know?"

"We did?"

Yixing sees Jongin shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. The corners of Joonmyun's slowly lift — a small smile, just a few millimeters of displacement from it normal position — pulling up the muscles in his cheeks, and the slightest crinkles surface at the corner of his eyes.

Yixing smiles. "We sure did."

Another half a day spent running Joonmyun through his own history, trying to reacquaint Joonmyun with his identity, then Jongdae leads them to the therapy room where he introduces the concept of pain to Joonmyun. Materials of varying textures are on the table, and Joonmyun breezes through the first wave of the tactile test. He looks up at Jongdae, eyes wide, eyebrows raised, like Jongdae holds the answers to all the secrets of the world. "Your pet here is cute," Jongdae comments, and Yixing slaps his arm lightly.

"I'm not a dog," Joonmyun answers after a while. His voice is firm, resolute, but there's still the hint of wonder in his eyes. It can even be confusion, but it's too early to tell. His smile tugs down, turning into a frown, and soon he's back to his schooled features, calculated and well-kept. "I'm human."

"Kid knows his origins!" comes Baekhyun's comment from behind, and Jongdae dismisses him with the wave of a hand.

The tactile exam ends with Joonmyun hissing in pain and glaring at Jongdae, but managing to muster a courteous-enough statement as he bows to Jongdae. "Thank you for the session," Joonmyun says, lips still parted slightly in a scowl, and Yixing runs his hand up and down Joonmyun's back until the frown eases into a more neutral press of the lips.

When Joonmyun isn't in therapy rooms having sessions with Jongin, Baekhyun, or Jongdae, he sits still with Yixing in the laboratory, mapping out the dots on the heat map with his eyes. Yixing keeps his gaze focused — there are still emotions to be monitored, after all, since they're still studying the effects of the Reset and the Rebirth to different kinds of emotion classes. Occasionally, though, he turns to Joonmyun and looks, stares, studies the movement of his eyes and the small change in the facial expression, the light furrow of the eyebrows and the twitch of the eye. "Are you bored?" Yixing asks sometimes, and Joonmyun just shakes his head, answers him with a smile bigger than the one he'd worn before.

Joy and peace unlocked, Yixing notes. Increasing levels of joy. Monitoring will continue for another 24 hours. He can feel a funny tingle at the tips of his fingers.

The first sign of empathy that Joonmyun displays is over dinner, halfway through popping a slice of meat between his lips. Kyungsoo has Baekhyun held down in a headlock, and Baekhyun's torn between gasping for air and laughing his heart out. "He was asking for it!" Kyungsoo says in defense, and Baekhyun continues to talk about Kyungsoo accidentally burping in class, during an important presentation.

"He managed to—" Baekhyun coughs, wheezes, and he elbows Kyungsoo in his gut in retaliation. Kyungsoo loosens his hold momentarily, caught up in scowling and shooting a glare at Baekhyun. "He managed to finish the presentation, though, and we all got a good score during the test because the presentation was so farting memorable—"

Jongdae furrows his eyebrows. "Wait. I thought he just burped. I didn't catch the—"

"There was sound!" Kyungsoo yells, pounding on Baekhyun's arm this time. "Of course it wouldn't stink! Fuck you, Byun!"

Joonmyun chuckles, faint but still audible, and Yixing quickly looks to his side. Joonmyun's wincing, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down in a frown, and his fists are balled like it's him who Kyungsoo's trying to incapacitate in a headlock and not Baekhyun. It takes a few good minutes and shrill laughter from Baekhyun before Joonmyun snaps out of it, falling forward and into a fit of laughter, and the collective noise fades out as Joonmyun's soars above it.

Yixing bites the inside of his cheek hard, trying to keep his giggles in, and then there's a peal of laughter spilling from his lips. The roaring noise settles back in, and Kyungsoo locks eyes with him — the grin Kyungsoo is wearing reaches the corners of his eyes.

Joonmyun walks up to Yixing one afternoon, right after Yixing straightens himself up following a nap, and says, "I want to learn more about my past."

The knee-jerk reaction is to raise an eyebrow and ask, "What?", but Yixing manages to recover, rubbing the tip of his nose as he says, "O...kay." The next thing he knows, he's packing his bags for a three-day trip to Busan and reminding Kyungsoo to try not to kill Baekhyun. "Just come up with scenarios. Remember, we're better at theory than execution," he says, and Kyungsoo simply shrugs as Baekhyun sticks his tongue out at him.

"I can ask Jongin to do it for me," Kyungsoo says, but he leans closer to Baekhyun anyway. Baekhyun's eyes shoot up, then travel to Kyungsoo's fingers that are lightly hooked onto his, finally settling to snatch a glance at Yixing. "I have my means," Kyungsoo continues, grinning up at Yixing. "Chuseok, huh?"

Yixing laughs a little, exhaling loudly as he ends. "Already said the same wish thrice. I think I need to bug the gods even more."

Kyungsoo snorts. "If people as annoying as Baekhyun can get what they want then you will, too."

"Yixing?"

Yixing looks over his shoulder and smiles a little, acknowledging Joonmyun's presence. Dressed in all-white, Joonmyun looks like one of those real doctors Yixing often sees in pictures of humans, or even one of those movies Jongdae had convinced him to watch before. Summer is finally over and the sunlight won't wash Joonmyun out anymore; the colors of autumn will probably make him look a bit warmer than the usual. "Temperature's gonna drop in the evening. Do you have a light cardigan with you?" Yixing asks, nonetheless, and Joonmyun nods and returns the smile.

"This is like sending off kids to college," Baekhyun says, overly dramatic that Jongin rolls his eyes at him and Jongdae slaps him on the arm. Baekhyun cackles, but turns to Yixing with a close-lipped smile. "You two need a ride to the station or something? Soo and I can drop you off."

"Nah, we're good." Yixing waves him off, and Joonmyun imitates the gesture slowly, his face scrunched up in a mix of confusion and amusement. "We'll just take a cab. You guys go on your Chuseok excursion or something."

Jongin snickers. "Excursion. I can feel the generation gap."

Jongdae places his hands on his hips and raises an eyebrow at Jongin, holding the gaze until Jongin mumbles an apology.

It's a four-hour trip from Gangnam to Busan, then, and Yixing's mildly relieved that the bus isn't packed with as much people as before. Busan is a hot spot during Chuseok and Seollal, and Yixing still remembers the crowded streets, the noisy alleys during the holidays. Sometimes he'd be out with his friends, playing in the beach or just running around, trying to catch each other, but he usually spent most of the holidays at home. He'd be making songpyeon with his grandmother and mother, and he'd always end up eating a third of the slab while cutting the songpyeon into smaller pieces. I have to make sure they're good to be served, he'd always tell his mother, and his grandmother would come to his aid, telling his mother, it's tradition! Then they'd turn to each other, grinning, and they'd be exchanging high fives.

You have your grandmother's dimples, his mother would always say, and she'd let the topic go and pop a piece of songpyeon in her mouth, before returning to the living room.

"Busan is home, right?" Joonmyun asks now. He's taken off one of his ear buds, and the other hangs loosely from his ear. His eyes are almost half-mast and there's a hint of saliva at the corner of his lips. Yixing reaches over, wipes it off on instinct, and he feels his chest constrict when Joonmyun stares at the hand that's tilting his chin. Joonmyun doesn't flinch, doesn't laugh, but he does look back at Yixing with furrowed eyebrows. "Yours and mine?"

Yixing nods, then lets his hand drop to his side. "Our home," he repeats, then lifts his left hand to cup Joonmyun's cheek, motioning for Joonmyun to lean on his shoulder for a more comfortable slumber.

The last bus ride from Busan station to the Haeundae is where Yixing falls asleep, finally feeling the fatigue of the four-hour trip wear him out. When he wakes up, the bus is already empty and Joonmyun is sitting still in his seat, staring at him like there's something interesting about his face. "I've been poking your cheek for the past ten minutes," Joonmyun confesses, worrying his bottom lip a little before he continues, "I hope your cheek doesn't hurt."

"Nah," Yixing says, massaging his face with his palms. He clenches and unclenches his jaw, and he feels the dull ache of repeated poking just near his dimples. He'll have to settle for lopsided grins later. "I'm good. Come on, we still have to take a walk to the building."

He hears Joonmyun whisper a faint apology before they descend the stairs, and he briefly forgets the pain in his cheek when he bites the inside of it to keep himself from grinning.

Haeundae is as colorful and as alive as Seoul can be. Time isn't always breathing down people's necks in Haeundae, though — somehow, having a large expanse of water greeting them everyday, bidding them good night at the turn of the clock, speaks a language that tells them, it's okay, you can slow down. If you have to think, then this is the place for you. Yixing stares at the scene outside the window — it's almost sunset, and the sun casts the beach a warm glow. It almost feels like home.

Beside him, Joonmyun comments, "This place feels a bit too office-y to be home." He laughs a little and places a hand on the small of Joonmyun's back as he ushers Joonmyun forward, sneaking one last glance at the setting sun.

Joonmyun wasn't lying when he said the laboratories in Busan weren't as big or as developed as the ones in Seoul. The laboratory Joonmyun shares with Jongin — mechanics and engineers work in pairs here in Busan, and also share the same working space — is only half of the one Yixing owns back in Seoul, but it looks more like a dorm room than anything else. Jongin's things are on the left side, and on the walls are posters of Sonyeoshidae (with a heart doodle on the girl Yixing recognizes as Hyoyeon) and a big white board with illustrations. "Jongin did these?" he asks, and Joonmyun nods slowly, like he can't tell if he should tell Yixing outright that he can't remember anything, or that he might slowly be regaining some of his memory.

"I feel like I've been here before. A lot of times, even," Joonmyun says now, drawing his hand along the edge of the table feet away from Yixing. Joonmyun's side of the room isn't as decorated, but there are posters, too — of movies dated thirty, fifty years back, pictures of humans laughing. A clock at the far right corner of the table, vials neatly arranged on the left.

It's impossible that Joonmyun and Jongin hadn't worked in Busan for a time, with all the life etched on the walls of the laboratory. A double agent living a double life, Yixing thinks. Only a human could have pulled that off successfully; beings are too truthful, too honest. The mere prospect of lying makes them cower in fear.

"This was your office for a time, before you started working for the government."

"Ah. Neurotics, right?" Joonmyun scrunches his nose. "That's what people used to call them?"

Yixing laughs a little. Joonmyun may have forgotten some things, but he's as sharp as a being should be, easily keeping up with news and everything that's happening around him. "Yup. Now, they're just called people. Like all of us."

Joonmyun snorts. "People. Imperfect beings." He looks up at Yixing, eyebrows furrowed slightly. The corners of his lips are upturned, though, the muscles of his cheeks relaxed unlike the way they had been days ago. "I've actually… been feeling weird things lately, right here—" Joonmyun balls one of his fists and runs his knuckles through the left side of his chest. "Too many emotions." He chuckles, and Yixing's lips turn up on instinct. "I don't know I should be happy or weirded out or scared or— I'm sorry, am I talking too much?"

Too little, Yixing wants to say, but the last thing Joonmyun needs right now is for a deluge of feelings to wash over him and force him to go into Reset again. He's not willing to put everyone's hard work to waste, not after they've spent days, weeks just trying to help Joonmyun find himself again.

"Nah, you're normal," he says, instead, reaching over to ruffle Joonmyun's hair. "Keep it up."

Joonmyun quirks an eyebrow, and he lets a chuckle escape his lips before nodding in agreement. "I'll keep talking, then," he says, and he takes one of his books from the shelf, going through the pages and telling Yixing whatever he remembers of it, the notes scribbled on the sides making it easier for him to retrace his history.

First order of business: cleaning the laboratory.

Surprisingly, it's not Jongin's side of the lab that needs some semblance of organization. Beneath the wheeled plastic containers and shelves lies all of Joonmyun's trash, piles upon piles of papers — some of it research, some notes that Yixing can barely make out with Joonmyun's illegible writing. "You could use this new life to fix your chicken scratch of a handwriting, by the way." Yixing takes about a few sheets of paper and slips them into the shredder. "Not a lot of people get the chance to correct mistakes."

Joonmyun rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he takes a clear folder with even more research. He frowns as he runs a finger along the dust-coated cover, then gently turns the pages. "I can't control the way my hand wants to write characters, you know," Joonmyun replies, then looks up to stick his tongue out at Yixing. "Ew, bad move."

I'd kiss you even with your dust-stained tongue, Yixing thinks. Not really. That's gross. He swallows hard, shakes his head, and takes a few more pieces of paper, watching as the blades of the shredder reduce the papers to strips of indiscernible information. "More cleaning, less talk," Yixing says and, the next thing he knows, a balled piece of paper hits his face and leaves a stinging pain from the impact.

"Whoops," Joonmyun says, grinning from ear to ear. Yixing raises an eyebrow, trying hard to fight the smile threatening to spread across his lips. He only ends up taking another ball of paper to his face — "Dead center!" Joonmyun exclaims as he hits the tip of Yixing's nose — and almost sneezing from the dust.

The cleaning session dissolves into a messy paper ball fight. They almost knock over a few shelves, and Joonmyun giggles everytime he narrowly saves one from toppling over. Yixing takes it in — Joonmyun's bright laughter, Joonmyun's carefree smile, the way the corners of his eyes crinkle and the way Joonmyun hits his thigh repeatedly in an effort to catch his breath. In the standstill, there's nothing but Joonmyun's laughter slowly dying down and Yixing's heavy breathing, a few feet between them, a leap of faith.

Yixing takes the last ball of crumpled paper and aims it straight at Joonmyun's face.

Joonmyun's eyes are wide and his jaw has gone slack, but there's still the hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. "What the fuck?" Joonmyun says, then scans the area for a sheet that he can crumple, but he falls short — all the paper has been thrown into the black plastic bag, and Yixing's already doing his victory dance, hands thrown up in the air.

The next thing he feels is a rush of air, Joonmyun tackling him to the still-dusty floor, one of Joonmyun's hands pinning his shoulder down and the other pressed to his side. He keeps his eyes steady on the bridge of Joonmyun's nose and not his quivering lips, keeps his eyes fixed on the space between Joonmyun's eyes. Sick of the silence, he closes his eyes and counts, hoping for the warm press of Joonmyun's body to disappear.

Joonmyun launches into a tickle attack. Yixing exhales loudly, half of him relieved; the other half, wanting.

They shuffle to the dormitories before heading out for dinner, still sticky with dust and sweat from spending the day trying to make sense of the mess in the laboratory. Joonmyun is still chipper but occasionally he stops and stares, and Yixing's left wondering if there's something that Joonmyun simply can't enunciate or if Joonmyun just needs time to catch his breath. He turns on the shower, closing his eyes as the water comes crashing down, and he remembers Joonmyun's fingers ghosting over his skin, remembers Joonmyun's lips flush against the underside of his jaw, sucking marks on the sensitive skin.

He takes a deep breathing before shaking off the memory, digging his fingernails into his scalp as he tries to rinse the stink of cleaning off his hair.

They head to a restaurant around ten minutes away from the dorms, a place that offers all sorts of flavored juk that Yixing has never heard of before. "Is there anything here they don't use for juk?" Joonmyun whispers as he watches the waitress saunter away, hips swaying as she looks over her shoulder and smiles at Joonmyun. Joonmyun returns the gesture, smiling at her albeit tight-lipped, then turns to Yixing. "I don't think humans are supposed to be that flirty."

You just flirt like a high schooler, Yixing wants to say, but instead he snorts and just helps himself to a glass of water.

Dinner consists mostly of Yixing coaxing stories out of Joonmyun, and Joonmyun becomes more indulgent a few sips of juk after. "It's hard when other people know you more than you do," Joonmyun says, and his gaze falls on what's left of his juk. He pokes at the abalone with the spoon before looking up to meet Yixing in the eye, and Yixing just waits — for Joonmyun to find his words again, to find himself again — and holds his breath.

"I feel like I should know more about you than the others should," Joonmyun whispers. "Is that… is that weird?"

Instinct tells Yixing to stand from his seat and walk over to where Joonmyun is, cup Joonmyun's face and brush his lips against Joonmyun's lightly until Joonmyun lets him in, but the engineer in him, the one that has been trained to have full control over his emotions, pulls him back, makes him sit up straight and exhale into his clasped hands. Joonmyun leans closer, and he almost knocks over the container of soy sauce as he reaches for Yixing's hand.

"Maybe," Yixing replies after a while. "But don't rush it. Take— take your time."

Joonmyun stops midway through, balling his hand in a fist and retracting it. Yixing wonders if Joonmyun's knuckles are a blinding white now, or if his heart is racing in his chest the way it had when they showered together, the way Yixing's is beating wildly right now. Joonmyun hasn't pulled back all the way through and there's still a chance — if Yixing wants anything, the only thing he has to do is to reach out and pull Joonmyun in. They can both be casualties in this now-human world.

"I'll figure you out soon, Zhang Yixing," Joonmyun says. The furrow of his eyebrows eases, and he leans back into his chair. "I will."

Yixing summons his best smile and asks for the bill, ignoring the way his stomach turns and the way the tips of his toes tingle. If Joonmyun's eyes ever flicker from Yixing's own to Yixing's lips, Yixing doesn't think too much of it; studying every part of the subject is part of research, after all.

The thick blanket of tension that wraps around them as they walk to the dorms and get back is suffocating.

Joonmyun admits to being too lazy to get their things off of Jongin's bed, and he claims the left side of his own bed even before Yixing can offer to sleep on the couch. "We're leaving tomorrow evening, anyway," Joonmyun reasons out, and Yixing holds Joonmyun's gaze, waiting for when Joonmyun's steady expression wavers and Joonmyun breaks into a smile. There's only silence in response, though, so he shrugs, relenting, and excuses himself to freshen up.

He stares at his reflection in the mirror for a few good minutes before stepping into the shower. The mere action feels like torture with the memory of Joonmyun's touch hounding him, watching him like a hawk, clawing at his skin and leaving scars.

Joonmyun's hair is still wet when Yixing steps out of the showers. He has his back against the headboard, a compilation of research in one hand and a comb in the other. "Hey," Joonmyun says, voice barely above a whisper, and even in the dim lighting of the room Yixing can make out the path that Joonmyun's eyes take — the tip of Yixing's nose, his lips, the exposed collarbones, all the way down to where his towel is wrapped around his waist. He bites the inside of his cheek.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Shouldn't you be clothed?" Joonmyun retorts, quickly ducking to look back at what he is reading. "It's cold."

He pulls on a shirt and track pants, then makes his way to his side of the bed, slipping beneath the covers to warm his cold feet. "It's comfortable," he says, rolling up his sleeves to prove a point, and Joonmyun only rolls his eyes before putting down what he's reading.

Here it is again, the standstill, only now Joonmyun's much closer and there's nothing keeping Yixing from reaching over to touch Joonmyun, run his fingers through Joonmyun's hair and pull him close for a kiss. There's nothing, not even Joonmyun's question — "Why do you feel so familiar?" — holding him back, but every part of Yixing, every fiber of his being tells him to wait it out, it's not yet time. Wish harder, Zhang Yixing, and you'll know when it's already time—

Joonmyun's movements are abrupt, and Yixing's shaken out of his reverie for a while until he finds Joonmyun hovering him, legs trapping his own and hands cupping his face. "So damn familiar, even this—" Joonmyun whispers, leaning in until their foreheads bump and the tips of their noses touch each other's skin, until Yixing presses his lips together so thinly that he can feel the force of his teeth stinging his lips.

It's not yet time, Yixing thinks, and he grabs a fistful of the sheets, balling his fists in them. "Because I am," he answers after a while. "And you are, too."

Joonmyun's fingers are cold, and they leave a burning pain on Yixing's skin when he pulls away. Yixing keeps his eyes closed until his breathing evens out, until he hears the sheets rustling, until he hears Joonmyun whisper, good night, and Joonmyun closes the lamp on the bedside table.

He unclenches his fists, pain shooting through his nerves and up his arm as he eases the tension in his muscles. He lies on his side and takes a deep breath before turning off the lamp, the darkness enveloping him like a quilt. Just one wish— just grant this one wish, please, he says in his mind, again and again until he's tired of his own voice. He feels his throat tighten.

Joonmyun's touch still stings.

The first thing that greets Yixing when he wakes up is the sight of Joonmyun looking at him from behind the research compilation, one of his eyebrows quirked as he says, "It's still too early. Go back to sleep."

Yixing glances at the wall clock — seven in the morning, just the perfect time to get up. Sunlight isn't too harsh today, and if the forecast is correct then they won't have to worry about big waves and waters threatening to break the calm. "Are you hungry?" he asks Joonmyun, and Joonmyun simply shakes his head then turns his attention back to what he's reading.

Stretching his arms in front of him, he manages to wear off some of the sleep still thick in his system and get on his feet. "The port to Oryukdo's just a short walk from here," he says after a while as he locks his arms behind him, pulling hard until he feels the tension in his back muscles. "My father used to take me there when I was a kid. The silence usually helps me think."

Joonmyun slowly puts the compilation down, eyes still fixed on Yixing's own. "Is the boat ride safe?" is the only thing Joonmyun asks, and Yixing lets out light laughter as he nods in response.

They end up grabbing takeout at the port, two bowls of juk big enough even for four people. "We really should have split one between us," Joonmyun says as he takes a sip from his spoon, and some of the porridge catches on the corner of Joonmyun's lips.

He can always choke it up to early morning lethargy or not being able to function without coffee, so Yixing brushes the stray juk away with his thumb, slipping the finger between his lips as he licks the juk off of it. "You have to learn the hard way sometimes," he says then averts his gaze, fixing it back on his barely touched juk.

Joonmyun stays quiet for most of the hour-long trip, occasionally turning to Yixing to ask about an island they've just passed, or the rock formation in the distance. The view becomes more hazy as they draw closer to the islands, and Joonmyun takes a particular interest in how Usakdo Island looks like two land formations in one, the water sometimes drowning out one part of the place.

"We're docking over there," Yixing says, pointing to the lighthouse in the distance. Joonmyun turns to him with a bright grin and a smudge of juk flaunted on his bottom lip.

The first thing that Joonmyun says upon setting foot on the island is whoa; the second, are you serious?

Yixing takes a deep breath as he takes in the sight in front of him — meters upon meters of a wooden staircase wrapped around the rock formation, narrow wooden planks the only flat surface that they can walk on. "There's no other way," he says, turning to his side to check on Joonmyun, and almost laughs when he sees Joonmyun caught halfway between a grin and squirm. He hasn't moved from where he is, hand still stretched out from when he'd gestured at the expanse of land they have to travel to get to the top, and Yixing wraps a hand around Joonmyun's wrist to relax Joonmyun's strained arm.

"We can go back, if you're not up to it," he says, and Joonmyun turns to him with that mix of annoyance and amusement, a combination Yixing had seen one too many times in the laboratory. "Then up the stairs, we go," he continues, taking the lead as he steps on the first flight.

Joonmyun reaches out to entwine their fingers. His hand is cold, but he isn't trembling — Joonmyun can choke it up to the cool weather up here if he ends up hanging onto Yixing tighter than the usual. "I'm scared of heights," he admits after a while, then tugs at Yixing's hand. "Go slow."

Joonmyun's grip tightens with every turn of the stairs, eyes wandering but not too far off, and he blows puffs of air into the wind. Yixing pulls him close at the fifth turn, snaking an arm around his shoulder until Joonmyun's body finds a snug fit in his own. The wind is blowing harder up here and Joonmyun has never dealt well with the cold, not even in crowded and considerably warmer Seoul where the temperature is the kindest. Yixing feels Joonmyun's breathing even out as they draw closer to the top, though, the tall white figure of the lighthouse not coming off as imposing at all.

What greets them when they reach the observation deck is a great expanse of blue and a softer picture of Haeundae painted before them. Yixing can make out the figure of the headquarters in the distance, the stretch of the beach, the port from which they've come from and haven't really left anything behind. The long hike is all worth it despite the uneven steps and Joonmyun's grip still burning around his wrists; it's not like Joonmyun hasn't left burning touches before, and it's not like they've ever faded.

"Hey, Yixing?"

Yixing takes a sharp breath and turns to his side. "Hmm?"

"Thank you," Joonmyun says. There's a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips, lighting his mouth. "For accompanying me here. For… helping me remember."

It's not completely altruistic, Yixing thinks, all of the things he's done for Joonmyun — from closely monitoring his therapy in Seoul to helping him clean out his office in Busan and unearth things that have lit dark caverns in his mind, to sharing juk with him and dragging him all the way from the dormitories to Deungdaedo at seven in the morning to serve Yixing's purpose more than Joonmyun's own. Between the two of them, it's Yixing who needs to clear his mind, recalibrate himself so he can make fair and sound decisions again. Joonmyun has done nothing but mess with his mind, shake him up, breathe life into his once insipid existence and teach him how to be human.

"Helping you remember?" he asks this time, squinting to get a clearer view of Joonmyun. The smile on Joonmyun's lips grows, stretching his lips wide as he nods.

"Mhmm."

This is fear, right? Yixing asks himself, like he's studying humans again or trying to find pieces of himself he's unknowingly tucked away for fear of feeling overwhelmed again. Is it fear when he feels his hands shaking as he shifts in his position to face Joonmyun, when he reaches out to brush his fingers along Joonmyun's jaw, never quite lingering but still touching? Is it fear when he curls his fingers on Joonmyun's nape and takes a step forward, and another, and another, until their foreheads bump? Is it still fear when, from this distance, he can see Joonmyun's lips trembling, can see Joonmyun's gaze flit from his eyes to the tip of his nose and then down to his lips, when he feels a surge of something taking root in his body, making him lean in to press his lips against Joonmyun's own?

Is it fear when Joonmyun only gasps, unmoved, and Yixing misses the open press of Joonmyun's mouth against his?

The initial reaction to fear is always fear, a voice at the back of his mind says, but he's sick of hearing his voice.

He exhales, a sliver of breath escaping his lips, and he slowly pulls away with a small smile, but then a force reels him back in — Joonmyun's grip tight around his wrist, Joonmyun's breathing heavy against his chest, Joonmyun's lips catching his bottom lip just before he slips away. He feels the slow-forming smile on Joonmyun's lips, the steady flow of warmth throughout Joonmyun's body, the familiar motion of Joonmyun's lips sliding against his, sucking on the corners of his mouth, his bottom lip, his tongue.

"So I guess the therapy worked," Joonmyun whispers when they part, foreheads still pressed together. He can feel the vibrations of Joonmyun's light laughter, the way the tips of Joonmyun's fingers tickle his skin. He can feel everything.

This isn't fear, Yixing thinks as he shakes his head lightly, then leans back in to capture Joonmyun's lips.

This is being human.

notes:
1. Emotions classes are determined by the five major factors with which the human personality is determined — openness (to experience), conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. These classes determine the spectrum of feelings a 'being' (not a person/human) can feel. Beings in the Open emotion class can either be curious or cautious, while the Conscientious class are very efficient or easy-going. Extroverts are either outgoing or solitary, while Agreeables can either be friendly or severely detached.
2. Neurotics are members of the government and are expected to be at the top of their game all the time. Neurotics are the only ones allowed to be part of two classes - their original class (e.g. Conscientious) + Neurotic (bec it's a government post). Being part of more than two classes means you're an Emotional and should be contained in a Stabilization Fort. Yes, humans are considered 'emotional'.
3. Jungs are the guards of the Neurotics/government. The name was taken from Carl Jung.
4. An I.D. is needed to clock in at EMO, but passcodes are needed to gain access to the laboratories.
5. The difference between a mechanic and an engineer is that engineers work behind the scenes, doing research and conducting experiments, while mechanics are the front-liners. They basically have the same amount of knowledge on emotion medications, but mechanics do better with dealing with beings than engineers do. This is why the common emotion classes for a mechanic are Extrovert and Agreeable, and the common classes for an engineer are Open and Conscientious with a strong inclination to being efficient.
6. Juk is Korean porridge. It's the Korean version of chicken soup, usually taken when someone is sick. The reason why Baekhyun and the others are making such a big fuss out of it is because traditional Korean breakfast is usually just rice, seaweed soup, and a couple of side dishes.
7. The Recalibration is the government's direct response to the civil uprising. In an effort to keep the masses satisfied with how the government is being run, the government decided to remove all excess negative emotions so that beings (no longer humans) will be easier to pacify.
8. During Chuseok, it's part of tradition to eat half-moon shaped songpyeon — Korean traditional rice cake — with the family, while staring at the full moon and wishing themselves a brighter future.
9. Deungdaedo is part of the Oryukdo Islands. All other islands (five or six, depending on the tide), are uninhabited, save for Deungdaedo where the lighthouse can be found.

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